Do you have difficulty saying “no”? Are you always trying to be nice to others at the expense of yourself? Well, you are not alone!! Many of us are so afraid of disappointing others or making someone mad; we simply say “yes’! “NO” just feels wrong!
There are so many reasons why we have a rough time saying “no”! Here are just a few:
1. We want to be helpful.
2. We don’t want to be rude.
3. We want to be agreeable.
4. We are afraid of conflict.
5. We don’t want others to feel rejected by us.
Do any of these reasons ring true for you? They do for me. I hate thinking that my “No” would ever cause another person to feel I didn’t value those things that matter to them!
The real truth is that HOW you say “no” is where the real impact comes in. So, in order for you to have success in saying the needed “no”; here are a few sentences to consider!
a. ” I cannot commit to this as I have other priorities at this time.”
b. Now is simply not a good time as I am in the middle of something that demands my attention. Can we talk about it in 9- 12 weeks again?
c. Let me pray about it and think about for a week or so, then I can get back to you with greater clarity.
d. I don’t believe I am the best person for this. How about talking to _________________?
e. No, I simply cannot; I have other priorities that are eminent at this time.
I believe that by making clear statements about your ability to commit to a task or team, helps others to have the freedom to make wiser choices as well.
Saying ‘No” often takes courage! It is so hard; we feel guilty and wonder what others will think of us! A great article in Psychology today says this so well; ” NO is a tool where we establish and maintain a distinct perimeter of ourselves. No says, ” This is who I am, this is what I value, this is what I will choose to do and what I will not choose to do. We are all committed to loving, giving, cooperating, and pleasing others. But not at the expense of losing ourselves!”
Consider your on-going commitments today. Is there somewhere that you finally need to say “no”? Are there great things for you to do but you are stuck doing good things simply because you fear saying “no” to them to make room for that which is GREAT? Ponder these thoughts and If “no” is needed; dive in! Say “no”…
God can raise up leaders in His own way so if you need to say NO for a season; He clearly understands! He will give you wisdom and peace.
Ultimately–when we step into a situation we have little or no time for; we end up resenting the very things we have committed to and that is beyond painful.
say NO if you need to; blame Coach Dianna if you want to! 🙂