discourage

Can we have an honest chat?

/ salciccioli / 1 Comment

SAD_depression_wellbeingcomau

Have you ever had a “down” day?  Have you ever felt “blue”?  I have and I’m sure you have too.  There are times when the challenges of life feel like they are crushing in on us, there are times when situations catch us so off guard that it sends us into a sad tailspin for days or even for a short season.  The ebb and flow of life can bring both sadness and joy.  Even King David had some “blue” days where he cried out to God “Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak” (Ps. 31:9-10).

However, what if you found it impossible to move past those “blue” feelings?  What if you’ve tried everything you know to be happy and positive but the heaviness you feel remains?   What if anxiety and depression have become and unwelcome guest on your life journey? Shouldn’t you be able to fix it with enough faith in God?  What’s wrong with you?

Peter Kramer in his article; It Can’t Be Depression, I’m a Christian tells us:

“Christians feel guilty about being depressed. They feel they should “know better.”  This leads to denial, which only makes matters worse. Well-meaning friends, and even pastors, who don’t understand what is going on, encourage them to “snap out of it,” and offer advice on “getting their Christian act back together.”

But clinical depression and anxiety isn’t something a person can “snap out of.”

What if your depression and anxiety required some form of wisely administered medication to assist you in regaining that needed chemical balance? This is where we get religion and physical health mixed up?  With every other physical challenge, thyroid issues, asthma, cancer, heart disease, etc, we find it completely acceptable to require medications to bring greater health and healing, yet historically  the church can get really uncomfortable when medications are required for greater mental health.

Carlos E. Whittaker, a pastor, in a recent article says;

Common myths in the church as it relates to mental illness are:
1. A person struggling with mental illness needs to have more faith.
My faith and my serotonin levels have nothing to do with each other.
2. A person struggling with mental illness should forgo medicine and pray harder.
You wouldn’t tell an asthmatic to pray harder during an asthma attack. You would tell them to suck on that inhaler.

If you are a person who struggles with regular anxiety and depression then you are probably nodding your head in agreement.

Years ago, as a very positive type of person,  I was shocked to find myself in the midst of postpartum depression! I loved my baby.  Why couldn’t I shake off these feelings? Didn’t I have enough faith?  I was ashamed to tell anyone about how I felt and I didn’t know how to make it stop!  Finally, I got some much-needed help and over time I re-gained my emotional balance.

God understands our dark feelings, our doubt, our discouragement, and yes, even our depression; and his desire is to help us. Sometimes, the help we need might include professional counseling and some form of medication. After all, God created the minds that created these medications, and it is not a sin to take them if you truly need them. Sometimes simply making better choices for food, rest, and relaxation rhythms can be all that’s required to move us to a healthier place. Sometimes we need greater intervention.

You may agree with me or disagree with me, and that’s okay. However, as a Pastor’s wife and a Coach for many years,  I have heard the shame in the voices of those who struggle with the depression and anxiety; this breaks my heart.   Add their need for medication  and the shame triples! I don’t believe they should feel any shame; I don’t believe they are faithless people.  I believe God cares deeply and wants His church to express His heart to hurting people in the midst of a very difficult struggle.  I know you do too.

If you struggle daily with depression or anxiety; please get the help you need. Find someone to talk to, get some medical support, and refuse to let shame or embarrassment keep you from living a life full of purpose, peace, and joy.

Romans 12:15  Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.

Oops!

/ salciccioli / Leave a comment

images

It’s going to happen.  It’s inevitable. At least once in your life you are going to fail at something.  Everybody has failed even if they refuse to admit it. Interestingly enough, some of the greatest success stories were born out of some form of failure: Steve Jobs, Walt Disney, even Oprah.  C. S. Lewis said it best “Failures are the finger posts on the road to achievement.”

Failure can be a real opportunity!

  1.  You can learn a great deal from failure IF you choose the to.  For all of us there is room for improvement; failures can bring those needed areas to light and give us the chance to grow!   Hindsight is, indeed, a great teacher. A failure can become a defining reference point when faced with a similar challenge or opportunity.
  2. Failure can make you stronger.  When some people fail they throw in the towel, give up.  Others fail and they seem to find a deep strength within to learn from it and do better next time.  Though it feels really bad in the moment but it shouldn’t stop or break you.  Getting through a challenging failure; in business, a relationship, or experience should help us to learn how really strong we are!
  3. A failure may lead to new opportunities.  Sometimes a failure can lead to a necessary ending; a new direction.  A failure can help us assess if we are on the best path for our lives. A failure, as painful as it can be, might lead you to considering fresh avenues for your life.
  4. Failures simply make the successes so much sweeter! To have grown and learned from a past failure and having  fresh success in a previously challenged area is the best feeling in the world!  The learning and hindsight gained somehow makes the challenge worth it.
“Success consists of going from failure to failure without the loss of enthusiasm”  Winston Churchill
“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead-end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” – Denis Waitley
 
Learn from failures, forgive yourself, stand up tall and move forward with fresh resolve.

The Words We Say~

/ salciccioli / 6 Comments

images

When I was a little girl we used to take long road trips in the big family car.  My parents would get us up early; often before the sun was up to get on the road with the promise of syrup covered pancakes further down the road. Sometimes we would return from our trips late, late at night; everyone would seem to fall asleep~ Except me ( I can’t sleep in moving vehicles!) and my father who would always drive.  As a little girl I had anxiety that my dad would also doze off as the driver so I would sit behind him and try to continually engage in conversation with him. I needed to know he was wide awake!! I think I thought I was somehow doing him a favor~~I am sure I must have driven him crazy!!  I remember one particular time that he turned to me and said “You just talk too much!!”  He had every right to say that; but my little heart was wounded that day.  The OUCH of words.  My father is a wonderful, wonderful man, one of my greatest supporters in my life, but he must have been so exasperated with his chatty daughter!!  Interestingly enough though, I still remember how it made me feel as a little girl.   I remember that it made me wonder if what I said held value.

Our words.

I can remember as a young mother mindlessly making statements to my sons in frustration or weariness. These words were irritable and negative.  I am sure that these words hurt their feelings. These words did not bring “Life”. Looking back I probably owe them many apologies for things I said in haste!

Our words.

It’s funny how our words can impact lives so deeply, for good and for harm. Statements like ” don’t be stupid”, “you’re just not good at that”, “you’re a pest”, or “can’t you be more like  ___________” are so harmful!  These words cannot bear fruit in anyone.  Sadly enough, sometimes we say these things to ourselves long before anyone ever says them to us!! These words cause us to become downcast and insecure; hopeless!

Hawk Nelson has a new song out called “WORDS” where some of the words say:

Words can build us up, words can break us down,

Start a fire in our hearts or put it out!

Let my words be life……………….

However, the impact of statements like ” yes, you can!”, “You are full of potential, “I enjoy being with you”, and “sky’s the limit for you!” have equally as powerful an impact on us! These words breathe life helping us to dream and believe in the possibilities; hope filled!

How do you speak to your spouse, your children, co-workers, or extended family?  Do your words bring life? Are you intentional and mindful about what you say? That little old “Golden Rule” still applies “Do (say) unto others as you would have them do (say) unto you! 🙂

But if you need a little more back up the bible is full of verses on the power of the words we say ~ so it must be an important issue for us all to address!!

Proverbs 16:24        Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

Matthew 15:18       But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.

Proverbs 25:11       A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

Colossians 4:6       Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

Life is full of challenges for us all~ we all want to be around people who breathe life with their words….so let’s BE those people! 🙂