Oops!

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It’s going to happen.  It’s inevitable. At least once in your life you are going to fail at something.  Everybody has failed even if they refuse to admit it. Interestingly enough, some of the greatest success stories were born out of some form of failure: Steve Jobs, Walt Disney, even Oprah.  C. S. Lewis said it best “Failures are the finger posts on the road to achievement.”

Failure can be a real opportunity!

  1.  You can learn a great deal from failure IF you choose the to.  For all of us there is room for improvement; failures can bring those needed areas to light and give us the chance to grow!   Hindsight is, indeed, a great teacher. A failure can become a defining reference point when faced with a similar challenge or opportunity.
  2. Failure can make you stronger.  When some people fail they throw in the towel, give up.  Others fail and they seem to find a deep strength within to learn from it and do better next time.  Though it feels really bad in the moment but it shouldn’t stop or break you.  Getting through a challenging failure; in business, a relationship, or experience should help us to learn how really strong we are!
  3. A failure may lead to new opportunities.  Sometimes a failure can lead to a necessary ending; a new direction.  A failure can help us assess if we are on the best path for our lives. A failure, as painful as it can be, might lead you to considering fresh avenues for your life.
  4. Failures simply make the successes so much sweeter! To have grown and learned from a past failure and having  fresh success in a previously challenged area is the best feeling in the world!  The learning and hindsight gained somehow makes the challenge worth it.
“Success consists of going from failure to failure without the loss of enthusiasm”  Winston Churchill
“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead-end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” – Denis Waitley
 
Learn from failures, forgive yourself, stand up tall and move forward with fresh resolve.

It’s a Screen Free Day!! Enjoy it!!

On a trip to Kauai a couple years back Greg and I went on a Catamaran Excursion.  We love to to that; just to get out on the vast open sea looking for dolphin, flying fish, turtles, and perhaps even a whale or two!! On this particular trip we were most struck by something else we saw~~ a couple who were aboard spent the entire trip using their cell phones at opposite ends of the boat!! They didn’t really interact much, appreciate the view, or enjoy the romance of it all. Nope~ on their phones the entire time!!

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Recently, at one of my favorite restaurants I looked across the crowded room only to observe a family of 5 having dinner together.  Well, actually they were eating in each others presence, but they were all on their “smart phones” sending texts or playing games! So much for their family dinner!

Driving home from work I always pass a great little park filled with kids; there’s a climbing wall, fun slide, and lots of room to run.  Along the outside of the park there are places for parents to sit to watch there kids playing.  This particular day  I observed that 4 out of the 5 moms had their eyes firmly fixed on the screen of their “smart phones” missing out on the fun and giggles coming from their young children!

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Yesterday, a gal driving a small car right behind me on the overpass continually came up too close behind my car as I headed home.  Looking in my rear view mirror I could see that she was looking down at her lap sending and reading texts the entire time, rarely looking up to see what was ahead.  Had I needed to stop quickly we would have been in a frightful situation!

So, I think it’s time for everyone to start to take some “Screen Free” time!! Catch your breath, disconnect from social media and your phone for a little while.  Remember back in the “old days” when we would come home and get our phone messages? Back when we weren’t so readily accessible?

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Read, connect with a friend face to face, play with your kids, go for a walk~~ so many wonderful things to enjoy!  Give yourself permission to regularly disconnect from your screen, any screen, and fully engage in your life in fresh ways!  It’s the weekend, try it today! 🙂

Good Questions~

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Powerful questions can challenge us, help us move forward, and give us the opportunity to assess our lives, motivations, helping us to understand how & why we sabotage ourselves and how & why we are motivated!!! As a Coach, questions are so incredibly important!!

Here are some good questions:

  • 1.  What do I want?
  • 2.  What is the difference between a wish and a goal?
  • 3.  What keeps me going?
  • 4.  What do I need in order to reach my goals?
  • 5.  What am I choosing this week?
  • 6.  If I were at my best, what would I do right now?
  • 7.  What is it to be exceptional?
  • 8.  How can I recharge my batteries
  • 9.  What am I grateful for?
  • 10. What have I learned about myself?

Ask these questions of yourself, ponder them. What is being revealed about YOU? What helpful truths have you recognized that could help you grow; move forward?

For me, answering these questions is both humbling and clarifying!  Good questions can create fresh understanding.  Ask yourself GREAT questions and watch yourself grow in fresh ways!!

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My Life/Business Coaching Interview~

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Recently, I was invited to be interviewed on Life Coaching.  I have had so many people ask me what I do, and why I do it.  I thought this interview gives an answer to those questions!

Thanks for taking time to read! 🙂

Life Coach InterviewQ1.)How did you get into life coaching?

  A1.) I was a pastor’s wife for 16 years before I was trained and certified as a Ministry/Life/Business Coach.  As I look back I can see that I had been a “life coach” for most of my early ministry years in church ministry; I’ve always enjoyed helping people navigate the challenges and changes in their lives! It was my experiences as a ministry leader that helped me see the need for leaders to have someone to process their challenges and dreams with; a safe place to land.  Without it, many leaders end up isolated.  Being trusted to be that “safe place” for numerous women in leadership over the years is something I treasure.

Q2.) What’s your favorite part about being a life coach?

  A2.)I love seeing leaders win!  I love seeing leaders reach goals they never thought they could, get healthier than they ever imagined, grow in their relationships deeper than they thought possible, and lead with confidence. Being a trusted adviser while a leader walks through the many changes and seasons of life is truly amazing. I have a card file that I name the “why I coach file”—in it there are many, many cards that I have received from my clients; the statement on most of them that I love the most is “I just never imagined that I could ________, but I did it!!”

Q3.)What is the biggest misconception about life coaching?

  A3.)Well, there are a few.  One, that coaching is just “talking”.   Coaching is an intentional on-going conversation and exploration of the life and goals for a leader.  Coaching keeps a finger on the pulse of those life accounts that the leader has expressed to have key importance in their lives. The coaching conversation is about action and results.

The second misconception is that Life Coaching is a modern word for counseling.  Truly there are times when I know it’s time in a session to remove my coaching hat and put on my counseling hat; sensitive issues, losses, etc.  But Life Coaching is about “how” to move through those challenges.  A counselor is a better fit for those dealing with deep challenges.

The third misconception is that it is the Coaches role to tell their leaders what they should do; to drive the direction that I think would be best. However, this is not the case.  My role as a Life Coach is to help leaders discover their best direction and then empower them to begin to make needed changes.

  Q4.)How do you incorporate God or biblical principles into your life coaching?

  A4.)I love how Proverbs has so many rich nuggets of wisdom that relate to our lives, I like to use them regularly in helping leaders consider fresh ideas.  Most of my coaching over the past 12 years has been among those who have a strong faith, yet my coaching has spanned across every denomination and non-denomination so I am extremely careful not to coach from my personal biases.

That being said, I have loved the freedom of sharing our faiths with one another and getting the privilege to pray at the end of our sessions.

 Q5.)What is the biggest benefit that your clients rave about after working with you?

 A5.)1..“Having a third-party insight and the voice of wisdom speak into your reality is priceless!”

2.  “Having someone wise and caring outside the organization who believes in you, will speak honestly with you, hold you accountable and help you see where your own emotions or fatigue are blocking you, all combine to create success in being the best version of yourself that you can be. “

3.  “Coaching with Dianna has given me a new level of confidence! She always reminded me to ask, “What is God saying to me right now?” and thoughtfully answer. Even once coaching ended, I still think through how to be intentional in my different life accounts. She helps you identify what your life dream is, and cheers you to go after it and find practical steps to get there!

  Q6.)In order to get the most from life coaching, what advice would you give someone looking to become a coaching client?

A6.)I feel it’s key to assess whether or not you are ready to make fresh changes in your life, coaching is not something you can be pushed to do, it is something you choose to engage in for your own benefit.  Are you in a place of honesty and do you feel committed to taking steps, even baby steps, to move toward fresh goals, are you willing to be kept accountable for the Action Steps you’ve committed to?   A personal readiness and commitment is key to a successful coaching experience.

It’s important to find a Life Coach that you feel you can connect with. Some folks want someone who is firm and directed while others may want someone with a stronger relational connection.  The Coaching relationship is an important one so it’s key to find the very best fit for you!

 Q7.)What current projects are you working on?

A7.)My husband and I have just completed creating an online tool for the leaders we coach. The tool is key to helping church and business leaders create coaching cultures within their organizations.  We are very excited about the growth possibilities for them!

I am starting a book for women discussing key elements we need to navigate the many seasons and assignments we encounter in our lives.  I coach so many women in numerous life transitions, some very overwhelming: aging parents, empty nest, menopause, illness, new marriage, career change, etc

How can we walk through life changes without losing ourselves in the process?

 Q8.)Any final thoughts about sharing life coaching with my blog readers?

 A8.)One of the greatest values of engaging in a coaching relationship is the opportunity to gain greater momentum in each key account in your life: faith, family, finances, health, personal/professional planning, and priority management.  Just like in sports; an athletic Coach takes raw talent and intentionally trains towards a goal.  A Life Coach will help draw out those deep longings in your heart, those goals and dreams you’ve allowed to go dormant, and will help you to see the possibilities in a whole new light!

Life Coach Interview: Dianna SalciccioliLIFE COACH BIO: Dianna Salciccioli

Dianna Salciccioli is a Professional Life/Ministry/Business Coach. She was a Ministry Coach with Ministry Coaching International for 9 years before founding Coachwell alongside her husband, Greg, in 2011.  Dianna was originally trained and certified by Building Champions as a Ministry Coach, and continued her training with Ministry Coaching International until establishing Coachwell.

Dianna has spent years as a mentor to women and teens as a pastor’s wife.  She understands the challenges and celebrations of Ministry life as has been a valued support to many ministry leaders.

Dianna is passionate about helping leaders clarify their passions, dreams big dreams, and trust in God’s heart for them as they bravely press forward to live a life full of legacy.

www.coachwell.com

Get Off The Plane!

I was happy to push my way through my morning “fog” as the alarm went off at 4am!  Quietly I got myself ready to catch my plane; quick kiss for my hubby, and out the door towards the airport.  It was so early that I only passed 3 or 4 cars along the way!!  Made my way through security, grabbed some coffee and it was time to board. Made it into my seat, grabbed my reading materials, and settled in for a short flight to Salt Lake City. I had planned my timing well; perfect!

Then…..after a 20 minute wait, we are told that the plane is having mechanical issues; should only take 15 more minutes. After 20 more minutes we are told we were going to have to get off the plane till further notice. Amidst the sound of huge groans and cell phones being quickly used; we walked back into the secure area of the airport. One thing I already knew~I was NOT going to make my connecting flight! This was also the plight of most every other passenger! After another 30 minutes we re-boarded the aircraft and headed toward our destination.

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After a smooth flight to Salt Lake City; it was 10:00 am and time to meet with the folks at the Delta Customer service to see what I needed to do now.  I was joined by, at least, 50 other passengers.  I was told to make my self comfortable as I would not be flying out until 5pm!

For work I often travel and I realize that flights are rarely smooth; more often than not there will be challenges to face~ Cancelled flights, late flights, bumpy flights, or flights that are simply too full!

What I found interesting is what I observed while watching my fellow passengers respond to this “inconvenience” in their schedule.  Some were furious; yelling at the flight attendants, angrily calling Delta to give them a piece of their mind, so aggravated that their well-planned day had been interrupted!  I thought to myself “if there was a problem with the plane then taking a nose-dive into the Utah back country would have been a greater problem”……but I thought I ought to keep those thoughts to myself! 🙂

Last week I had worked hard, grabbed some time for recreation, and was heading home to make dinner and relax with my husband–that was the plan.  While driving home in busy traffic a large vehicle slammed into the back of my car! Ugh! This was not part of the day I had planned! Damage to the car was minimal but now my well planned day was ruined! How should I respond?

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Life has interruptions; it really does. Do we keep any margins between our well-planned deadlines and destinations to make room for the “un-planned?” Would an interruption cause you to move to anger, anxiety, or disrespect for those around you? Or could you take a breath, pray, look at this opportunity to be patient, to slow down, and to see what God’s PLAN B just might be?

Interesting thoughts from Rick Warren:  Because God made you for a reason, he also decided when you would be born and how long you would live. He planned the days of your life in advance, choosing the exact time of your birth and death. The Bible says, “You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your book!” [Psalm 139:16]

If He knows your days; Perhaps we can trust Him with the interruptions or the Plan B. 🙂

Dr. Desiree Margo~~

This past weekend my family had the pure joy of watching my amazing sister receive her Doctorate!  We are all so proud of her! At graduation we shouted, hooted, and clapped with all our might to show her how proud we are of her. Following the graduation we gave Dr. Desiree Margo gifts to further show how proud we are of her!

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However, the graduation ceremony was only a tiny reflection of the cost of earning this degree! The work, commitment, sleepless nights, numerous papers, and the dreaded dissertation required every ounce of energy she had.  While accomplishing this goal, Desiree also worked full time as a school principal of a thriving elementary school!

Why is this significant to me?  Attaining goals, especially big goals, requires commitment and sacrifice!  To move toward a fresh milestone in our lives we may have to assess our current commitments and allow ourselves to say “no” to some involvements for a season!

I am certain that late at night while working on her degree my sister must have wondered “what have I gotten myself into?”! Yet, the look on her face at graduation made it was easy to see that it had been worth the work to receive an honor given to only  1% of the population.

What about you? Are there goals you want to achieve but are afraid of the “cost”? Could focusing on this new goal (s) force you out of your comfort zone for a season? Whether attaining education, building a quality marriage, starting a business, getting healthy, writing a book, or any other goal that would be important to you; there will be adjustments needed.

Oh, but the JOY in accomplishing your goal will be so worth it! Once you begin; stay your course, dig deep, lean into your support systems, and celebrate every WIN!!

What milestone is ahead of you? No better day to get started than today! Thank you Dr. Margo for you inspiration. 🙂

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“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”  C. S. Lewis

Don’t think He doesn’t hear YOU!

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The temperatures were rising as my friend and I made our way to one of the many pools at the resort where we were staying recently.  As we entered the gate we saw an adorable sight! A mama Duck and 4 daring, tiny ( days old) baby ducks! Really so cute!!    However, as I watched this sight for a short period of time I began to realize what was really going on.

This mama and her babies had been in the pool a really long time; too long.  Mama duck kept jumping up on the cement border of the pool, then turning to her babies in a sound that convinced me she was begging them to jump too.  The jump was too high, too far.  The babies were tired.

Well, my friend and I were so concerned so we used numerous methods to “try” and help them climb out on their own.  A pool float, and chair leaning into the pool, a pool noodle set as an angle that would have allowed them to simply walk out!  There was a way out and yet they stayed far away from these different pieces of equipment not realizing that they were there for there own good!!

Frustrated I sat in my lounge chair assuming that “nature” would figure a way out, I should let nature take it’s course.   I tried to ignore their constant peeping, tried not to acknowledge their attempts to climb out revealed by a tiny knowing splash! Ugh, I could not stand the thought of those little babies drowning on my watch!!

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With all the resolve I could muster I stepped into the pool determined to lift these precious little ones out of certain failure.  When they saw me coming they were so afraid, fiercely peddling those tiny feet trying desperately to get away! Didn’t they know I had a plan for their good~~ to save them???

Finally I was able to “corner” those tiny babies in my much bigger hands and lift them out to safety! Whew!  When their “feet” hit the dry pavement they scurried away into the bushes leaving the pool area! They were Free!! I was relieved.

I always consider all the life lessons around me; fiercely looking for a deeper truth hidden there and God is always faithful to reveal precious thoughts to me!!

So often we stay in unhealthy situations: relationships, jobs, or ministries because we feel we cannot find a way out. The leap seems to high, just impossible!  The Lord in His goodness often provides “escape” opportunities; ways to move out of a season that is creating undo weariness, and many times we just can’t see it! We may even see those options as something to fear! ( like the floating device the ducks “could ” have utilized but were deathly afraid of!!

We serve a compassionate God and even when we miss all the signs He will reach down and “pluck us out” of a situation and put our feet on a firmer foundation. Initially we may feel shocked or uncertain -yet hindsight will reveal the depth of His love for us!  I have seen this so many times in my life. Situations that seemed like an end was actually a fresh start on “dry ground!”.

Never imagine that your Heavenly Father is not aware of how fast you are peddling and that, like me listening to the peeps of weary babies, He misses your tears. He does not!  So I encourage you to look at your life with a fresh filter! If you recognize you are weary and a change needs to come; Trust that He is setting out tools of escape for you and if you face a dramatic ending to something unhealthy consider that with His big hands He has lifted you out of the water because His heart was breaking at your cries for help!  He can’t rest when His children weep.

Trust that if He hears you He will not leave the “pool” until He has seen you through!! He is so good.  Let that soak in! 🙂

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Swinging Doors ~

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“LOOK ON EVERY EXIT AS BEING A DOORWAY SOMEWHERE ELSE.”

Tom Stoppard

The dictionary meaning of the word DOOR is: a movable structure used to close off an entrance, the means of approach or access, or a revolving barrier in a building or vehicle.

However, in our lives the meaning of a door means so much more.

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As a young woman I felt that my life had been fairly consistent. I had lived in one town from age 6-25, same church, same friends.  Other than going away to college my life didn’t seem to be full of “doors” to enter and exit.

I just had a birthday and for me it is always a time of reflection. Looking over years past I can see so many doors that have opened and doors that have closed.  My life has not be simple and consistent, but it has all leading me to where I am today.

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The interesting thing about the “doors” in our life is that some open abruptly and some close abruptly.  Sometimes they cause us to knock hard to get them to open, sometimes we have to get out of the way because a door is closing so fast; so hard!

Sometimes the closing of a door causes us sadness and pain; sometimes we are thankful for a closed door as it represents a necessary ending.  I have learned that every door that closes represents and new direction, a new possibility, a new learning experience~Simply a brand new door!!

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God closes doors so that you can change direction.  Closed doors in your life are God’s attention-grabbers. Thank God for them even if you don’t always see clearly the new door that’s opening! TRUST that one will!

What doors are opening or what doors are closing in your life?  Can you see the opportunity in your closing door? Can you choose to be brave enough to walk through the new door that’s opening up for you?

Trust God’s heart for you. He knows. He cares.   🙂

What Smells?

Over the past year I have traveled a lot which simply means that I have spent a great deal of time at the airport.  Airports mean lots of people gathered in tight spots at all times of day.  So, what’s my point?

Numerous times while thumbing through a magazine or answering emails as I await  my flight someone will walk by and the way that they smell “grabs” my attention!!  This “reaction” can be caused by a lack of cleanliness, digestive issues, or the over-use of creams and perfumes.  Needless to say, these folks leave a lasting memory on me.

In the same way, do we ever question the “fragrance” we bring into a room full of people in our daily lives? Do we ever consider the memory our “scent” leaves on those around us?

The Word of God speaks of us in Ephesians 5:2 this way: “Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.”

Also in 2 Corinthians 2:5 it says: “For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing.”

The International Fragrance Association says; ”

Scent is one of the most powerful of senses. Smelling a certain fragrance can signal a season or a treasured memory or simply make a mundane task like cleaning a little more enjoyable The sense of smell plays a crucial role in our emotional well-being in this rapidly changing and chaotic world.”

When people remember you, what is the impact your scent has had on them?

Perhaps we could purpose to work harder in our families, places of work, churches, and yes, even airports, to leave a fragrance that brings a greater sense of pleasant well-being to others; let’s be remembered for our loving aroma!! 🙂

Lessons from Yosemite.

We had heard that Vernal Falls in Yosemite was a beautiful sight, just a short mile and half hike to see it! We had half a day to “play” in the valley this past weekend before a family wedding, so Greg and I decided to go take a look.

When we starting out we walked on a paved surface, we passed people of all ages and languages. We enjoyed views of the valley below as we meandered along at a leisurely pace. Eventually the pavement ended and the surface became a little more rocky, and a little steeper. By the time we had reached this point we were growing in our excitement to see the falls; we were committed to going all the way!!

Within a quarter mile the hike changed dramatically as the path led us up a path that caused us to climb nearly 1200 ft. in a one mile stretch! YES!! practically straight up! Well cut stone steps and handrails placed where needed were helpful to the journey ahead but there was no escalator; we had to place one foot in front of the other to get to the top!

About half the way up, feeling like my heart would beat right out of my chest, I had to remind myself of the value of the goal ahead of me. Did I really want to see the Falls, because I could just buy a postcard at the gift shop! Hmmmmm…….I could stop if I wanted to.  As I looked at the stair-step path in front of me I realized how much like “life” this hike truly was!

Every worthy goal requires steps.  If I want to grow in a new area of my life, achieve any new abilities, attain any lofty purposes , it will require steps that may often tax my will to stay the course.  I will have to decide along the way not allow myself the freedom to return to the way things have always been, or to stop short of the goals that I’ve longed to attain.

The commitment to continue the climb outweighed my pending fatigue and within minutes I could hear the rumble of the waterfall; this spurred me on.  Step by step got us closer to the top.

Peeking over the waterfall to the vast beauty of the Yosemite Valley had been worth every ounce of muscle it took to climb to see it!  Incredible.

Are there goals ahead of you that seem to be taking too long, expending more energy than you had anticipated, or that you simply find challenging to remain committed to?
Keep in mind the sense of satisfaction you will have if you stay the course and walk out the needed steps! Keep your goals where you can see them and march forward…the “view” will be wonderful!