committment

Would I be willing to Stretch?

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Over the weekend I attended a fabulous Woman’s Event where we were encouraged, even challenged, to stretch beyond our comfort zone to make a difference the world around us.  Our speaker told stories and gave statistics of the incredible needs abounding in the USA and abroad. As a passionate person I initially felt that I needed to make a difference, do something, in every area she expressed a need!  Then I started to feel overwhelmed!  I really can’t make a difference everywhere!  There’s just not enough of me to go around! So where does God want ME to focus my attention, finances, and time?

During our round table conversation we discussed the question:

  What is my unique calling?

The answers around the table were rich as each woman shared their area of passion and committment. One was called and heavily involved in the fight against Human trafficking, one was involved in reaching out and supporting widows, one was a speaker/ writer with a passion to help women become the “warriors of the faith” that God has called us to be, another was an art teacher who builds confidence in children and adults alike. There was a precious gal who felt called to focus on her family; pouring into the next generation, and for myself? I am presently called to invest in the hearts and lives of women in leadership to empower and support them to lead and influence well.  I loved the diversity at our table!  I loved that each woman was fully invested in what they felt God was calling them to do in this particular season! It’s really important to know our uniqueness as part of the Body of Christ.

But then there’s the challenge to stretch out of our comfort zone to create fresh impact along with our calling: mentoring troubled teens, funding woman across the globe to become independent and fruitful, working with a Pregnancy Resource Centers, or supporting those who are in the middle of the fight against Human trafficking! Would we be willing to ask the Lord if there might be something fresh that He wants us to step into along with our unique calling? Perhaps with our prayers, maybe our finances, or possibly our time.

You may have recently read a powerful book, listened to a moving podcast, or have attended an impacting Woman’s event like I have and have felt a stirring in your heart; maybe God is calling you and I to stretch our efforts to have greater impact on those in need. Would we be willing to ask?

Parker Palmer wrote a wonderful book called Let Your Life Speak that directs us to discover and live a life wherein our God-given design intersects with what the world needs. I think a life lived operating in the gifts God has given us—and mindful of meeting the needs of others—is a life that beautifully reflects the person of God. The world could use more people like that.

Let’s be those people! 🙂

New Choices for 2014~

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As I arose early this morning on one of the last days of 2013 I began to ponder just how quickly this year had passed!   Seems like I just blinked and another year had gone by. Delving even deeper into my thoughts, I asked myself if I felt I had used this year; the time I was given, to the best of my ability?  Was I a good steward with my time and priorities?

My assessment of myself? Not 100% perfect! However, I felt satisfied with the priority I had chosen as my main focus throughout the year. People! I have tried very hard this year to stay connected with the precious people God has allowed me to know and love.  Family, friends, colleagues, co-workers, and new relationships.

As I perused through my 2013 calendar, looking through the tasks/appointments that I set for myself I am satisfied that I gave ample time to my key priority of valuing people. Certainly I’ve not been perfect, wishing still that I’d have had more time with some that I only connected with occasionally!  Staying and being connected with others in this way is cup-filling for me; I pray it has brought value to those I care for as well.

Now, here’s the balance~ did my focus on my main goal of valuing people impact other priorities in my life? My devotions, exercise, study time, and housekeeping…….well, sometimes it did.  Because of this, I recognize the need to balance my priorities better in 2014!  Just a little tweaking here and there to my calendar and Ideal Week would create time to spend with others while making sure I am still being keenly responsible to the other areas of my life that deserve my attention!

As you look over your past year, are you pleased at how you used your time? chose your priorities? navigated your responsibilities?  Like me, are there some areas you need to shore up to find greater success when you arrive on the doorstep of 2015 (which will come in a blink)?

Now is a great time to think about the year ahead! calendar those priorities, create an Ideal Week to assist you in committing to how you will use your time ( contact me if you’d like an Ideal Week document to use), and give yourself permission to make needed changes for greater satisfaction in 2014! The new year is yet untouched~ make it your best!

Happy New fantastic year! 🙂

I Don’t Feel Like It!

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Very few people wake up in the morning and feel like taking big risks or feel like digging deep for something that has eluded them. People don’t usually feel like pushing themselves harder than they’ve pushed before or having conversations that might be uncomfortable.   Seth Godin

It’ that time again, the time where we access our past year to see what we’ve accomplished and then we begin to RE-commit to goals unmet or we set new goals.  The first of a new year tends to serve as a kind of “reset button” for us all.

We may take the time to list our fresh commitments, share them with a trusted friend or coach, or we might simply keep them private but “top of mind”.  We may commit to getting healthier, eating better, being more diligent in our spiritual life, focusing on a better marriage or relationships.  We may establish new fresh practices for our professional lives as well. All these commitments will require diligence.

I love attending my local gym in January where I am surrounded by zealous people committed to getting healthy THIS year! Every day the classes and exercise equipment are full! Day after day people make an effort to focus on their health…….for about 30 days.  By the tail end of February many of those recommitted to their health have already backed away from their goal.

Why? They didn’t FEEL like it.

Before the sun is even up I grab my bathrobe and a cup of coffee. I head downstairs to my favorite chair where I will journal, pray, and read on a daily basis; a discipline that needed to be shored up last year! Every morning I find my way to my chair until I begin to give myself permission to sleep just a little longer….and a little longer….until, once again, my diligence weakens and I lose out on this meaningful time.

Why? I didn’t FEEL like it.

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Making key changes in our way of doing life requires diligence that is not based on how we feel. I have often joked with friends saying that “I am always so happy after I work out but I have never started my day FEELING Yippee! I get to go exercise!!”  I simply do it because it has become part of my lifestyle; there were many years when this was not the case.

Aristotle says “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is therefore not an act but a habit.”  You’ve never heard an interview with an athlete where when they are asked how much they practice they answer “when I feel like it!”  Achieving our fresh goals requires commitment even when we don’t FEEL like it!

We are rounding the corner to the end of 2013. Are there goals you set last year that you’d like to recommit to?  Are there new goals you can see that you need to establish?  Are there dreams you’d like to diligently step into this year that you know will require effort on your part?

If so, then take some time to address the challenge you know you will face as you pursue fresh behavior. Will you stay the course even if you don’t FEEL like it? and when those times come how will you prepare to be proactive so that you don’t sabotage these fresh goals that matter to you?

If we don’t give ourselves permission to make decisions based on our feelings we will find a greater sense of resolve and satisfaction; it will be well worth it!

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we don’t give up.”  Galatians 6:9

Saddest Boy Ever~~

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It was a simple Facebook post, another You Tube video. One of many, many I have seen over the past year.  However, I was ill-prepared for the impact of 39 seconds on my heart!!!

The video is of a drill sergeant who has been called in by a little boys mother to help “scare him straight”. Obviously the little boy had behavior that was out of control and a real challenge to his mama!!Saddest-Boy-Ever The response of that little boy to the officer was astounding as the officer, in an attempt to cause the boy to become afraid of his harsh leadership, answered the sergeant’s question “DO YOU WANT ME TO BE YOUR DADDY TILL YOU’RE 18?? with a sincere response……Yes!

The officer, caught off-guard, shouts at the boy, “WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO BE YOUR DADDY, BOY??  The boys tears up and says in a sincere voice, “Because I don’t got no daddy, sir.”   The officer breaks and grabs that boys in a compassionate hug! I melt into a puddle of tears!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVXXDtWtHDY               (to find the clip)

I am left thinking about the holidays ahead and the many, many children whose hearts have been broken by being left by a parent because of divorce, death, or other circumstances beyond their control.  God’s word speaks clearly about His heart that we would reach out to the fatherless.

Thinking deeper, I have to consider that kids who misbehave, or “act out”  do so often times, out of a broken heart. Those of us who have known the wonderful love of our parents are so blessed!  Perhaps ,in this holiday season, we can all keep our hearts open to love on kids around us who are facing rejection and challenge.

Is there a child (children) in your world who could use a soft touch of love and encouragement from you today?  Is there a way you can help heal a broken heart; bring hope?

Isaiah 1:17 says; ” Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.”

You never know how richly you’ll be blessed in the process……………………  🙂

Keys to key Relationships! (re-post)

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Building  Amazing Relationships!

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Relationships can bring us our greatest joys and our deepest wounds. We can’t control how others choose to respond in their relationships with us, but we can establish our own ground rules for having and maintaining quality relationships.

Below are some thoughts to consider as you navigate the relationships in your life:

1.  Surround yourself with positive people- finding like-minded, positive people will fill your cup. Spending the bulk of your time with those who suck the happiness out of you is unwise and unhealthy.

2. Accept people just the way they are – Save yourself the needless stress of trying to change people who don’t want to change. Fight the urge to engage in fruitless conversations, rather look for areas where you can agree and show support.

3. Forgive people and move forward –  holding anger or bitterness affects us much more than the individual we have been hurt by.  Forgiveness is not saying “What you did or said was okay.”  It is saying “I’m not going to let what you did ruin my happiness or steal my joy.” It doesn’t mean you forget it simply means that you choose to let go.

4.   Do little things for those in your life –  A card, a visit, a gift, an email, a text. Simply take opportunities to connect with and appreciate those your care about.  We all feel a little more valuable when we realize that someone has been thinking of us.

5.  Talk a little less, listen a little more –  Our relationships will grow if we move away from being the talker and take the time to listen! A listening ear is the greatest gift we could give to those we love.

6.  Be Loyal – be the kind of person that believes the best about those you love. Everyone needs to know that someone “has their back”. Be that person.

7.  Pick your battlegrounds – don’t pick petty arguments. We aren’t always “right”.  Focus on the things that truly matter and let the small stuff go!

8.  Encourage and cheer them on –  be excited for those you love! Spur them on! Don’t look at their opportunities or dreams with the lens of what it will cost you, rather keep them the priority.

9.  Remember that everyone has baggage –  we all enter relationship with a suitcase filled with past experiences; successes, disappointments, hurts, etc.  Sometimes that “baggage” effects the relationship and needs to be addressed. However, using grace and understanding will always be the most fruitful approach.

10. Let go of friendships that are no longer healthy – some relationships can run their course and a necessary ending needs to take place. To force relationships to continue when the season is over can be exhausting and eventually more harmful than good.  Be willing to appreciate the relationship for what it was, and then release it and move forward.

Relationships are our most valuable assets and worth the effort to keep them strong and healthy! Test these tips out and see if they help create healthier interactions in your relationships!!  Flourish in the days ahead!!

Lessons From Misery Ridge~

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As a Coach I meet so many wonderful people. Janelle is one of them. Janelle lives in  Canada and after a year of coaching she came to Bend to visit with me. I wanted our time to be full of fun, good conversation, and activity; yet also inspirational.

After pedicures, shopping, good food and laughter, it was time to venture out!

Misery Ridge!!

It was early as we loaded up with water bottles and headed to Smith Rock. I told Janelle the hike would be challenging yet the view from the top would be well worth the climb. I think she believed me until she actually saw Misery Ridge and recognized just how difficult it would be.

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When we stood at the base of the mountain I told Janelle that we would break this hike into thirds and that we would think about different life challenges we were facing as we headed toward our goal to reach the top; imagining ourselves successful in facing those challenges as we conquered each phase of our hike!

We started out at a fairly fast pace; excited about moving forward! It wasn’t long before the altitude began to labor our breath. I asked Janelle if she wanted to turn back; we had made some good progress but were still far from the top. Should we go on or turn back?

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We discussed the value of the ultimate goal of reaching the top yet we realized it was going to be a greater challenge as the path got steeper; the footing more unsure.  This second part of the hike would require us to pace ourselves, to take longer breaks to catch our breath, and to be intentional with where we placed our feet. Off we went! Partway through this phase of our hike a big snake slithers out onto the path catching us off guard! Do we turn back?

Finally we reached place where we would begin the third part of the climb; the steepest part! Janelle was amazed at how far we had come yet still feeling caution about where we needed to go. Do we continue? Do we turn back?  Was this view really worth this effort?  After some good discussion we committed to the goal of reaching the top and pressed on.

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During this last phase of our “journey” the altitude was making it hard to breath and the shale on the path caused us to feel our feet slipping. We realized that this last push would require extra sure footing, that we would need to hold each others arms to prevent us from falling and getting hurt. Slowly and intentionally we made our way up the switchbacks towards our goal. Closer and closer, steeper and steeper! With a final push we rounded the corner and gazed at the glorious view from the top! Amazing!!  The success was thrilling! We were seeing a view from the top that many people will never see! We did it!!

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Our lives are a lot like a hike up Misery Ridge.  You start out full of excitement, goals, dreams~ ready to take on the world!  You can imagine your goals, you can visualize  conquering your challenges. Yet life starts to get hard, to required more stamina, or make you feel uncomfortable and there is a desire to abandon the very goals that mean so much to you.

As challenges come it’s important to pace yourself; catch your breath. Often times we expect so much of ourselves not recognizing the impact of “climbing higher”. We forget to nourish and replenish ourselves so that we can press on….one foot in front of the other. Often times, just like our surprise snake, obstacles make come out of nowhere~~Do we abandon our goals because of them?

I wonder how many people get to the last third of the Misery Ridge hike and turn back because they are too tired or afraid to climb higher? Right before they have the joy of that unprecedented view!!  How many of us get so close to reaching our personal goals, facing life long challenges, creating healthy relationships, or stepping into fresh dreams, and abandon them because it just feels impossible, right before we see success?

As Janelle and I learned; as it gets closer to the top, as the challenges get harder; you need the support of your fellow “climbers” to keep you from losing your footing, to encourage you to keep climbing; to press on! I would never climb Misery Ridge alone for that very reason!

I have to say that the BEST part of the climb is the celebration at the top! The joy of reaching the goal and the satisfaction that we didn’t quit!  Every person I have led to the top of Misery Ridge has been so glad that they didn’t turn back before seeing the view from the top!

Do you have dreams, goals you want to attain, challenges you must face? Are you halfway there? Turning the last difficult corner? Or have you just begun? Remember these few lessons from the mountain:

Pace yourself, stay hydrated, place your feet carefully, catch your breath, stay committed to looking forward; not back, and surround yourself with fellow climbers (healthy support systems) who can hold your arm if you slip and celebrate your WIN at the top!

You’ll never know what you’ll miss if you are afraid to “climb”.

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Dr. Desiree Margo~~

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This past weekend my family had the pure joy of watching my amazing sister receive her Doctorate!  We are all so proud of her! At graduation we shouted, hooted, and clapped with all our might to show her how proud we are of her. Following the graduation we gave Dr. Desiree Margo gifts to further show how proud we are of her!

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However, the graduation ceremony was only a tiny reflection of the cost of earning this degree! The work, commitment, sleepless nights, numerous papers, and the dreaded dissertation required every ounce of energy she had.  While accomplishing this goal, Desiree also worked full time as a school principal of a thriving elementary school!

Why is this significant to me?  Attaining goals, especially big goals, requires commitment and sacrifice!  To move toward a fresh milestone in our lives we may have to assess our current commitments and allow ourselves to say “no” to some involvements for a season!

I am certain that late at night while working on her degree my sister must have wondered “what have I gotten myself into?”! Yet, the look on her face at graduation made it was easy to see that it had been worth the work to receive an honor given to only  1% of the population.

What about you? Are there goals you want to achieve but are afraid of the “cost”? Could focusing on this new goal (s) force you out of your comfort zone for a season? Whether attaining education, building a quality marriage, starting a business, getting healthy, writing a book, or any other goal that would be important to you; there will be adjustments needed.

Oh, but the JOY in accomplishing your goal will be so worth it! Once you begin; stay your course, dig deep, lean into your support systems, and celebrate every WIN!!

What milestone is ahead of you? No better day to get started than today! Thank you Dr. Margo for you inspiration. 🙂

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“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”  C. S. Lewis

Happy Birthday to a man I admire~~

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013April 6th is my father, David Wray Jr’s,  birthday.  My father is a precious man.  If you could all spend one hour talking with him, you would know what I mean! My father is a man of wisdom and yet he is a man with a great sense of humor.   My dad is very kind hearted but can also be quite firm on what he values.

I wanted to take a moment to point out the elements that make a man a wonderful father:

1.  He allows you to make mistakes and loves you anyway.

2.  He is consistent in what he believes and stays true to his values.

3.  He shows affection often, listens well, and gives meaningful advice.

4.  He prays for his children.

5.  He makes time for his children.

6.  He loves his children’s mother.

7.  He doesn’t have a bad temper.

8.  He loves to create shared memories:  backpacking, fishing, vacations.

9.  He has a love and trust for God that is evident in all he does.

10. He is interested in his children’s lives and does all he can to be involved.

All of these represent the father that I have been richly blessed to have. It is my hope and prayer that my life is one that exemplifies that of a “loved” daughter.

Dad, thank you for overcoming obstacles, persevering when being a father of 6 daughters must have been overwhelming, for loving our mother so well, and for leading us, ultimately, to knowing that God is loving and trustworthy.

I love you.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!  🙂

Tips to Successful Relationships~

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Relationships matter!

Relationships can bring us our greatest joys and our deepest wounds. We can’t control how others choose to respond in their relationships with us, but we can establish our own ground rules for having and maintaining quality relationships.

Below are some thoughts to consider as you navigate the relationships in your life:

1.  Surround yourself with positive people- finding like-minded, positive people will fill your cup. Spending the bulk of your time with those who suck the happiness out of you is unwise and unhealthy.

2. Accept people just the way they are – Save yourself the needless stress of trying to change people who don’t want to change. Fight the urge to engage in fruitless conversations, rather look for areas where you can agree and show support.

3. Forgive people and move forward –  holding anger or bitterness affects us much more than the individual we have been hurt by.  Forgiveness is not saying “What you did or said was okay.”  It is saying “I’m not going to let what you did ruin my happiness or steal my joy.” It doesn’t mean you forget it simply means that you choose to let go.

4.   Do little things for those in your life –  A card, a visit, a gift, an email, a text. Simply take opportunities to connect with and appreciate those your care about.  We all feel a little more valuable when we realize that someone has been thinking of us.

5.  Talk a little less, listen a little more –  Our relationships will grow if we move away from being the talker and take the time to listen! A listening ear is the greatest gift we could give to those we love.

6.  Be Loyal – be the kind of person that believes the best about those you love. Everyone needs to know that someone “has their back”. Be that person.

7.  Pick your battlegrounds – don’t pick petty arguments. We aren’t always “right”.  Focus on the things that truly matter and let the small stuff go!

8.  Encourage and cheer them on –  be excited for those you love! Spur them on! Don’t look at their opportunities or dreams with the lens of what it will cost you, rather keep them the priority.

9.  Remember that everyone has baggage –  we all enter relationship with a suitcase filled with past experiences; successes, disappointments, hurts, etc.  Sometimes that “baggage” effects the relationship and needs to be addressed. However, using grace and understanding will always be the most fruitful approach.

10. Let go of friendships that are no longer healthy – some relationships can run their course and a necessary ending needs to take place. To force relationships to continue when the season is over can be exhausting and eventually more harmful than good.  Be willing to appreciate the relationship for what it was, and then release it and move forward.

Relationships are our most valuable assets and worth the effort to keep them strong and healthy! Test these tips out and see if they help create healthier interactions in your relationships. AND–Happy Thanksgiving! 🙂

Will you really be here for the holidays?

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I love this time of year as I gear up for all of my favorite holidays in the coming months.  I anticipate celebrations with friends and family, parties to host and attend, gifts to purchase, wrap, and deliver, & lots of food to prepare. I know it will be a full season of wonderful variables.

However, in the midst of a busy holiday season I am still working, writing, and carrying on with all the responsibilities I normally have on a day to day basis. I face the question; “How can I be fully present in this season rather than being so task driven that I actually miss the valuable moments that come my way? Every year I hear myself saying, “Goodness, the holidays went by so fast!

Whether you’re feeling totally overwhelmed or slightly frustrated as you anticipate the holiday season ahead, it’s easy to lose perspective about what’s most important and valuable to you–your relationships!

Truth is we all spend most of our time in the past or the future, rather than the present moment. What we end up doing is passing through today’s moments on the way to somewhere else and, in doing so, we miss the present moment. That’s how these meaningful memories can end up passing us by!

Benefits of Being in the Moment

  1. Increased enjoyment: We will find that we enjoy life more if we’re fully present rather than having our minds elsewhere. Food tastes better, I have more fun with my family, work is more enjoyable, and laughter is sweeter when I experience them UN-distracted!
  2. Reduced stress. Worrying about the past and future can give us stress. Choosing to give ourselves permission to slow down and focus on “Today” can alleviate the stress of past regrets and the uncertainties of the future.
  3. Better relationships. When we really commit ourselves to being with someone, to listening to them,we are being a better family member, friend, teammate, and even spouse. We have better conversations. We bond with those around us!

“Life brings simple pleasures to us every day. It is up to us to make them wonderful memories.” — Cathy Allen

Enjoy the coming months to the fullest. Slow down and intentionally choose not to be so “busy-minded” but rather give yourself permission to be fully present each day!

…and may this be a very special Holiday season for you!