faith

Thoughts on my birthday~

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Often while driving I’ll tune my music to the “oldies” channel; within seconds of hearing the first few notes from a song by America, Fleetwood Mac, or the Beach Boys, all the words come rushing back. All the memories come to mind!  For a little while I’m 16 again!!  I’m 16 years old  sitting on a beach in Northern California anticipating what my life would be like in the years to come.    I remember that girl ~ there are still bits and pieces of her inside of me but there are changes too.  What advice would I give that 16 year old Dianna?

  1.  I would tell her that her parents were right! The faith in God that they instilled in her was real and it would be that faith that would carry her in the changes and challenges she would face. As I look back over my life I have seen God intervene is creative, crazy, and amazing ways.  I have felt His comfort, I have experienced supernatural peace.
  2.  I would tell her to try extra hard to be un-offendable.  After getting stuck in hurt and offense many times over the years I have learned that the only one that it hurts is me.  Relationships often have a way of coming full circle over time if we apply grace and forgiveness to the situation. Hanging on to hurt and anger is exhausting and unfruitful!
  3.  I would tell her to be brave!  I remember many anxious moments where I agonized over situations I experienced from job changes, to relationships, to raising my children, etc.   Looking back I recognize that my worst fears never came to fruition.  We were always taken care of.  My boys turned out to be great men.  All that time being fearful robbed me from being hope-filled and confident. Be Brave!
  4.  I would tell her to be herself in every environment; that she is uniquely created! As a young woman I found myself supporting my husbands ministry placements and in doing so I had to adapt to many different churches, environments, personalities, and “rules of the club”.  There were many years where I saw myself “disappearing” to fit in.  The nuances of my personality were hidden, many times, to be that “perfect pastors wife”.  No one asked me to, I put that pressure on myself.  As I have become more authentic over the years~ my quirks, my weaknesses, my hobbies, my dreams~ I have found a greater kinship with people than ever before.  If I had it to do all over again knowing what I now know, I would just be myself!
  5.  I would tell her to take good care of herself.  For so many years I put all my energy into my family, my church, my home, and my outside relationships.  I kept my schedule so wound up that I rarely took time to take care of me; excercise, rest, boundaries, and free time were lost in a well intended, but over-packed schedule.  There were many times when I found myself exhausted, moody, over weight, and anxious.  Over the past 15 years I have learned to take care of myself physically, relationally, spiritually, and activity-wise. I’m certainly not perfect but I make a real effort to keep these areas vibrant.  Truth be known, if we women are not applying self-care, if our cups get empty, everyone around us suffers.

I do love the season of life that I am in.  I have no desire to be 16 again! In this season I understand what matters, appreciate the sweetness of relationships, and I am incredibly grateful to be a Mimi! 🙂 So, happy birthday to me! 🙂

Sometimes we just need something Sweet~

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Last week my heart felt so heavy as I watched and heard about so many devastating events that caused death and sadness to countless people in many parts of the world. I watched the news in the morning and listened to the news while in my car while out doing a few errands. I could feel the weight of the concern on my heart.  I prayed. I cried. I prayed again.

Sitting at a traffic light a young Jr. High boy, riding on a scooter, stopped at a cross walk, he pushed the button and when he did he noticed an older homeless man a little way up the sidewalk.  Without hesitating, this young man pulled out his wallet, grabbed $20.00 dollar bill and handed it to the homeless man.  He turned, jumped on his scooter and headed across the street to the other side.

That little sweetness lifted my heavy heart.

I like to treasure hunt, when I can, at our local Goodwill.  This particular day I heard one of the employees loudly say ” Hey, there’s the birdman.” Then I watched a wonderfully kind interaction between them.  The “Birdman” was a tiny, hunched over, toothless man who comes into Goodwill to find bird houses.  In his hand was his treasure for the day ~ a bird house made completely out of rocks~ he was beaming!

As I made my way through the store I looked up and only the “birdman” and I were alone in the  same aisle.  He walks my way, puts his hand on my shoulder and says “honey, have you ever imagine the stories that the old items in this store could tell?  Stories of joys, memories, sadness, and celebrations?  Isn’t life precious?”   and he walked away.

That little bit of sweetness lifted my heavy heart!

Sometimes we just need something sweet, something precious, to remind us to appreciate our lives and the people in it.  I was grateful to have experienced these “sacred moments”.

In the midst of reports that break our hearts let’s not forget that there are still multitudes of precious, good people! 🙂

I wish you “sweetness” today.

Fear or Faith?

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Recently, a dear young mother asked me to write a blog on a particular topic that concerned her.  I have been sitting on her request for weeks simply because I don’t feel that I would be the final authority on this subject.  Nevertheless, I have prayed and pondered about it and feel like I have something to share.

Her topic? How do we walk out a faithfilled life with all that’s going on in our world?  How do we find peace in the midst of so much world turmoil??

Let’s be honest, there’s a lot going on in the world that is, frankly, scary.  I have written previous blog posts that have touched on the challenges we are all facing.  Young parents fear for their children’s’ futures, seniors fear for their healthcare, and financially there are great uncertainties. Some people fear chem- trails, GMO’s, immunizations, and public schools.  So many real concerns!!

ISIS, Ebola, Russia, China, and Israel are creating unrest in all our hearts. No matter how you lean as a voter; all of us have concerns about our government.  All these things have potential to cause us to be fearful, anxious, and hopeless.  I hear it in conversations I have with people daily.

Some folks would say that it is all the sign of the times and wait expectantly for the Lord’s quick return.  Some folks would say that “back in their day” these kinds of things took place and they too, thought it was “the end of days”.  And it could truly be.

BUT…………

What if there are still generations of people to be born and life continues on this earth?  How do we navigate these uncertainties without making knee-jerk, fear based decisions?  How do we live an intentional, hope-filled life free from the burden of paralyzing fear?

In God’s wisdom and goodness, He knew these times would come.  He gave us messages of encouragement and ways to live in His Word that have key answers to these questions.

John 16:33 says, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

Phil 4: 6-7 says, “ Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

 Matthew 6:25-34 says “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Proverbs 12:25 tells us, “Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.

1 Peter 5:7 promises us, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”

Hebrews 11:1 says,” Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.

Life is full of many concerns stemming from the absence of certainty and control over our future. While we can never be completely free from worry, the Bible gives us powerful promises to show us how to minimize worry and anxiety in our lives.

When I am filled with fear I find that I am severely distracted from the people and opportunities that God wants to bring my way. Fear works to cause us to have tunnel vision, missing out of the chances today to make a difference, and THAT is a tragedy.

God has called us to live fully, purposefully, and faithfully “until He returns.” Making fear based decisions for our lives, our children’s’ lives; will stand in the way of the peace God promises us.

Now, making wise decisions, being smart in our choices is imperative.  God promises to give us wisdom if we simply ask for it.

My last thought to share is this:  Prayer is powerful and we must be people who pray during uncertain times!! Prayer is a gift to us; we can bring all those things that burden our souls to Him.  We can pray for those in harms way.  We can pray for peace.

2 Chronicles 7:14 says, ” if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land!”

I know this is an especially long blog on a seemingly a negative subject; but I believe it is timely. I hope you do too.  🙂

 

 

The Joys and Challenges of being a Pastor’s Wife~

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Years ago, Greg and I had the privilege of working with Focus on The Family in their pastoral support department.  Leading a couples retreat with H.B. London was a joy, and yet during this event I had a stark reminder of the joys and challenges of being a pastors’ wife.   There was a point in the event where the wives and husbands split into separate rooms for a teaching time planned specifically for them.  H.B. London was in my event with the woman and he risked asking a challenging question there, ” how many of you have 1-2 women in your congregation who you would consider close to you; someone you can fully trust?”  I sat there astounded when only 2 women raised their hand in a room of 90 women!  My heart-felt so grieved as I was reminded of what I had already come to know through my coaching with Pastor’s wives; her role is full of joy and challenge.

Thom Ranier, a contributor to the Christian Post, did a survey on his blog, Facebook, and general conversations with Pastors wives.  Among the challenges were; being a conduit for complaints for their husbands, frequent moves, husbands being on call 24/7, and being expected to be at each and every event at the church.

Juianna Morlet, in her blog “Dear Pastors Wives”, expresses her thoughts this way, ‘ As women, we already struggle with daily pressure to be perfect inside and out, but then adding the spiritual, emotional and physical weight from your husband’s pastoral job and heightened attention, both intentionally and unintentionally, on the demeanor of you and your family, it can be a lot for one woman to bear. ”

In an article sent to me just this week titled; Nine Secrets Your Pastor’s Wife Wishes You Knew, Christina Stolaas posed a simple, open-ended question to a panel of pastors’ wives in different states, from different denominations, with various years of service, “If you could tell the church a few things about your role as a pastor’s wife, what would you say?”  She got honest responses.  Many wives acknowledged that being completely honest was difficult.  Some of the challenges they expressed was the challenge to have consistant family time, the loneliness that came with her role; finding it difficult to have true friendships. Another challenge, and not necessarily a surprise, was that Sundays can be really stressful, especially depending on her involvement or the amount of services held each weekend.

As a pastor’s wife for 16 years I fulfilled numerous roles and responsibilities for which I am so grateful. However there were often times when the expectations, lack of privacy, and unending schedule caused me personal angst.  Navigating all the elements of my role took patience, prayer, good council, and much grace.  I even had to learn the word “no”.  The role is a unique one; one of sweet opportunity but also challenges.

The Pastor’s wives who were interviewed expressed that they loved their churches and felt blessed to be given the opportunity to have impact in the lives of those who worshipped there. These women want to serve alongside their husbands making a difference for their church, their family, and the community.

At the end of the day, your pastor’s wife, though imperfect along with the rest of us, deserves to be respected and shown kindness, grace, and friendship.

Perhaps there is something you could change in your relationship or expectations towards your Pastor’s wife.  Perhaps she’d like to go to lunch, or maybe a card would make her day.  Your prayers for her might cover her in a situation that feels over her head.  Consider your role in helping her navigate her role.  🙂

Be Well~

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“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

This verse is action packet with some of the best advice you’ll ever be offered!  Yet, in a world that’s filled with busy schedules, heavy responsibilities,  political posturing, financial challenges, and even relational loss. We find our minds constantly carrying the “burdens of the world”.  I know I sure have to catch myself!

Something we may not truly understand is that focusing on all that is stressful and unhappy can actually make us sick!!

In a recent Washington Post article, Kendall Powell stated;  “If stress is chronic every day, pumping out hormones without any escaping or fighting, then it’s not good for your immune system,” comparing its response to infection. The bottom line is that “chronic stress makes it more likely you become infected and that infections will last longer and be nastier.”

WebMD says is this way; “Chronic worry and emotional stress can trigger a host of health problems. The problem occurs when fight or flight is triggered daily by excessive worrying and anxiety. All of these systems interact and are profoundly influenced by your coping style and your psychological state. It isn’t the stress that makes you ill. Rather, it’s the effect responses such as excessive worrying and anxiety have on these various interacting systems that can bring on the physical illness.”

Our Creator knows us very, very well. He knew that excessive worry and concern would cause us to live our lives partly broken, unable to become the best versions of ourselves. I imagine that is why He filled His Word with verses like these:

Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Psalm 56:3
When I am afraid, I will trust in you.
Isaiah  41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
So,
How are you today?  Is it time to lay down the heavy backpack of stress and worry?  Time to turn and lay those things that burden your soul on the altar; choosing to put renewed trust in the One who knows you the best?  I challenge you, and myself today, to CHOOSE TO BE WELL!  🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

We need Sage Seniors~

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Last night my husband and I led a marriage event at our local church. We were teaching couples in the “Art” of Active Listening.  I had imagined that the bulk of our attendance would be younger couples eager to tackle the challenges of  newer marriages.  Imagine my surprise when numerous mature couples began to fill the building.  I was very blessed to recognize that these older folks still wanted to work on their marriages! wow!  I can only imagine the example this set for our younger generation.  We need our sage seniors in our lives!

I was tickled that my own parents who have been married 60 years attended this event led by us, their own kids!  In talking with them they expressed sincerely that they felt the tool we were teaching would bring value to them as well.  The interesting twist here is this:  one of the couples at our table whose relationship has been a very difficult one, made the effort to come but had nowhere for their 4 month old baby.  My mother, sensing the need for this couple to have an opportunity to grow, asked to hold this little girl who fell asleep in her arms for 90 minutes, giving them a chance to focus on their relationship. The young mom cried tears of gratefulness for the love she had been shown.  We need sage seniors in our lives!

I am certain that God intended us to have impact far into our twilight years.  I believe our impact can only be richer, wiser, and more valuable.   For those of you who are presently Sage Seniors I ask that you continue to pour into our lives. Pray for us and speak wisdom into our life situations.  For those of us who are knocking on the door of our seniors years I ask that we keep looking for places to have impact, to mentor, to use the lessons we’ve learned to help others.  For the younger generation I would challenge you to seek out the wisdom of those seniors in your sphere of life.  In areas of finances, marriage, or faith, these sage seniors in your life can help you to miss some of the mistakes others have made.

Psalm 92:14

They will still yield fruit in old age; They shall be full of sap and very green.

Job 12:12

“Wisdom is with aged people, With long life comes understanding.

Such a great reminder! 🙂

Unanswered Prayers.

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I had the good fortune this week to have the opportunity to talk with a friend and fellow coach about trusting God.  Her honesty was refreshing and both of us acknowledged how difficult it can be to trust God in the face of unanswered prayers. Now I am mature enough to know the God is not a “spiritual Santa Clause” so I’m not talking about prayers that involve frivolous requests.  ” I pray I get a parking place.”, I pray I win a trip”, or I pray I can get a new, fancy car”.  No, I am talking about prayers for a friend that has cancer; who passes away.  I’m thinking about those who pray to become parents; remaining childless. Or the prayers of protection those who have beloved children pray; only to lose their children long before their lives have been lived.  How do we navigate continuing to trust what God’s word clearly tells us:

Luke 11:9 says “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

Mark 11:24 “ Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.“

I believe these promises are true and have experienced God’s faithfulness over and over again!  But, I have also walked through the darkness of prayers that were prayed with absolute faith yet have remained unanswered.  How do we remain faith filled?  How to we keep ourselves from feeling as though God is distant and unfeeling?  How do we protect ourselves from becoming angry and disillusioned?   In the movie God’s Not Dead, the college professor makes a profound statement; ” The biggest atheists are those were had been believers and experienced unanswered prayers”.

Have you experienced unanswered prayer?  How have you kept yourself faith filled in the midst of the disappointment?

Three years ago, I had a precious family members life taken brutally at a young age.  I had prayed for him all his life.  I had seen God do mighty things in and with his life.  He was amazingly talented and deeply loving.  Upon the news of his death I spent almost 90 days angry at God, seeking understanding with the knowledge that God “could” have stepped in and protected him from losing his life.  I was devastated and confused by the scriptures that had once given me comfort.  Those verses now served to cause greater hurt.

God is good.  His shoulders were big enough for my questions; even my anger.  In His still small voice He just kept reminding me that He would help me through the pain. He would never leave me nor forsake me. He spoke the truth that His ways are higher than my ways.  And slowly, with the power of the Holy Spirit, I could feel myself beginning to whisper   “Even so, I will trust you.”

I couldn’t even begin to give you a formula for navigating this particular spiritual challenge, but there are a few action steps that will help keep your heart from becoming bitter.

1.  Stay in God’s Word, it speaks to your soul.

2.  Be brave to talk about your questions, don’t isolate.

3.  Make sure you continue to look at your many blessings, even in the midst of unanswered prayer.

4.  Be willing to learn something fresh from what you are having to walk through.

5.  Remember, loss and challenge falls on the just and the unjust.  It is part of our human condition and can help you gain keen empathy that will enable you to love and support others along the way.

Steven Arterburn in his article , When Prayers seem Unanswered says;

It certainly seems like a secure bet that sometimes God doesn’t answer our prayers because he’s aware that his, ours, and the whole world’s best interests will not be served if he does. It’s safe to say that when God decides what’s best, he’s got a broader perspective for making that decision than anything we can bring to the table.

All of which brings us to the very good reason that when mature Christians do pray for something, they tend not to say, “God, please do [such and such],” but rather, “God, if it is your will, please do [such and such].” This is the all-important caveat. Always leave to him the final determination of whether or not what you’re asking for is, in fact, the thing most ultimately beneficial.

We all want to live a life trusting the Lord. However, life can broadside us.  Rather than pulling away, becoming angry, and perhaps even bitter, choose to remember God’s heart for you and I. Find yourself whispering “Even so, I will trust you.”

 

 

Thanksgiving Thoughts~

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Thanksgiving is a time to savor and reflect on all that we are thankful for; an opportunity to gather with those we love to share our hearts and a meal too large for us all!!

I thought I would try to list the Top 10 things that I am Thankful for ( knowing that 10 things would never cover all that I cherish in my heart…but I will make a brave attempt!

MY TOP 10

1.  For God~His grace and mercy, favor and care, comfort and correction. Where would I be without the Lord in my life? Cannot imagine!

2.  For My wonderful Italian husband, Greg, without whom my life would not be nearly as interesting, fun, and love-filled. Together we have weathered many seasons and assignments, all of these experiences have made us a stronger, more loving team.

3.  My amazingly smart, talented, and kind sons.  Their ideas fascinate me, their questions challenge me, and their kindness warms my heart. Nate and Dave are two special men with whom I am incredibly proud.

4. My beautiful daughter in laws.  Oh my, I love them.  These ladies are thoughtful, creative, funny, and smart. When I watch them love on our sons, my heart swells. These girls are also my dear friends and I feel very lucky for their friendship!

5.  My precious parents whose consistent love and generosity continues to amaze me.  Their ability to love deeply, pray regularly, and creatively love on all of their children, grandchildren and great- grandchildren is an example I pray I will follow.  My parents legacy in my life cannot be expressed in words. I am so thankful for them.

6.  My “extended” family~  The word “extended” encompasses so many precious people:  my incredible sisters, creative and caring nieces and nephews, Aunts and Uncles that I adore, Cousins who I care deeply for, my mother and father in law whom I love, so many people who bless my life and heart!

7.  Dear loyal friends. So many amazing people who have walked alongside Greg and I for years and years; cheering us on, giving wise counsel, making memories, and weathering storms….If I named them one by one the list would go on and on……

8.  Our Coachwell Clients (leaders and friends)~I find it simply amazing that I have the incredible privilege to work with, care for, and be a cheerleader alongside so many world-changers!  These leaders bless me more than I could ever express…but I will never stop trying to let them know how much they mean to me!

9.  Our Coachwell team.  We work with a team with such great hearts; loving towards our clients, vendors, us, and one another.  We look forward to continuing the journey with them alongside us!

10. My Church.  Our spiritual family are a gathering of kind people.  We have enjoyed 4 years of growing alongside so many folks working hard to grow in Christ and make a difference in our community and beyond.  Whether it be a teaching, worship, small group, or a women’s events~ all of it has given me opportunity after opportunity to grow! I am thankful for them.

Well, when I started this list I wasn’t sure where it would end up.  However, One thing that I have realized is that PEOPLE are what I am grateful for!  So on this Thanksgiving Day I hope you find yourself somewhere in my LIST and know that I am very thankful for YOU this year!

Have a truly meaningful Thanksgiving this year. 🙂

It starts with a ” Yes!”~

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Last weekend I got to be part of a beautiful group of women who had a vision to bless those experiencing life challenges: a Day of Pampering.  The incredible woman who initially had the idea that this would bring value and blessing to many is not devoid of challenges of her own.  However, when the idea (need) was birthed in her; she said YES!

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Out of her “YES!” she was able to passionately involve numerous other women to share their gifts and talents to bless and encourage others; it was impacting on us all.  It started with a “Yes!”.

Two weeks ago Greg and I had the joy of heading to Louisiana to spend time with a courageous group of men and women who are dedicated to pursuing their faith.  All of them, at some point in their lives, were faced with the challenge of whether or not they would say “YES!” to their calling.  The “Yes!” has meant hard work, willingness to learn, and a life spent making a difference in the lives of their communities.  Due to their ‘YES!” they have impacted the lives of thousands for the good; bringing hope, healing, and faith to many.  It started with a “Yes!”

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This week we had the honor of spending time in Nashville, TN with the Cutco/Vector Company and learned again of the value of “Yes!”  The President actually took over a failing company, invested all he had, applied ingenuity and creativity to build the strong, sustainable company they have today.  The greatest impact of the “Yes!” however is not only their world class product but rather, the incredible impact on young people.  Their sales force is built on college students whom they teach to sell, public speak, lead, and live life and leadership with intentionality!  This great company has impacted and continues to impact thousands of young people to grow and learn skills they could never learn in the classroom!  It all started with a “YES!”

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Saying “YES!”  always has some risk attached; some personal cost ~ time, finances, a move, willingness to change, etc.  Yet, if we look at some of the greatest people, greatest ministries, greatest companies, there is a legacy of someone who was willing to be brave and say “YES!”

What about you?  Do you have an idea burning in your heart? An opportunity on the horizon? A dream still unexplored?  Need a tipping point that will drive you to a brave “YES!”?  Focus on the impact of your choice! Lives that will be changed! The legacy you’ll birth!

It starts with a “YES!”  🙂

Newlyweds~

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Being on the Hawaiian Islands in the month of August can only mean one thing! We will be surrounded by honeymooners!  After encountering one or two, I soon realized that, of course, this was wedding month!

29 years ago it was “wedding month” for my husband and I!  In a church with orange pews and brown panel walls, I walked down the aisle in a white dress towards my teary bridesmaids all dressed in Pink ( or Mauve, as it was known in the 80’s)! My tall young husband smiled a crooked smile my way filled with both anticipation and anxiety about the huge step we were making! 29 years later he still has that cute crooked smile! 🙂

After an Anniversary holiday in the Hawaiian Islands, Greg and I climbed onto the plane enjoying the fact that we would be sitting in the Emergency Exit seats that provide lovely leg room! Greg on the aisle, and I took the window seat keenly aware that there would be a “random” individual between us.  When he came, smiling an impish grin, he slid into our row.  Joseph was a newlywed…..his sweet new bride was two rows behind us. He kept looking back at her longing to have her by his side…but the plane was taking off.

Joseph was outgoing, found out he had a rich faith in Christ; he was from a family of 12 children.  Learning we had been married for 29 years, he began asking questions to learn how to find success in marriage; asked good questions.  This young man was eager to live life as a newlywed forever…so cute!

Our advice?  Stay friends, forgive, pick your battlegrounds, pray together, continue to play, get away together, and fight the urge to fall into being partners in life~~stay pals, friends, and lovers!

Well, once I knew he had gleaned all he needed from me I was keenly aware that it was time to switch seats with his precious bride, to let them cuddle the rest of the flight.  Seeing them all snuggled in from my tight seat two rows behind made me so happy.  I turned to the little gal next to me and said “where are you headed?” She smiled and said “I am a newlywed”.  so ….we chatted……. 🙂

Sweet, unexpected moments! Sweet reminders of how precious marriage is!! 🙂