forgive

Thoughts on my birthday~

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Often while driving I’ll tune my music to the “oldies” channel; within seconds of hearing the first few notes from a song by America, Fleetwood Mac, or the Beach Boys, all the words come rushing back. All the memories come to mind!  For a little while I’m 16 again!!  I’m 16 years old  sitting on a beach in Northern California anticipating what my life would be like in the years to come.    I remember that girl ~ there are still bits and pieces of her inside of me but there are changes too.  What advice would I give that 16 year old Dianna?

  1.  I would tell her that her parents were right! The faith in God that they instilled in her was real and it would be that faith that would carry her in the changes and challenges she would face. As I look back over my life I have seen God intervene is creative, crazy, and amazing ways.  I have felt His comfort, I have experienced supernatural peace.
  2.  I would tell her to try extra hard to be un-offendable.  After getting stuck in hurt and offense many times over the years I have learned that the only one that it hurts is me.  Relationships often have a way of coming full circle over time if we apply grace and forgiveness to the situation. Hanging on to hurt and anger is exhausting and unfruitful!
  3.  I would tell her to be brave!  I remember many anxious moments where I agonized over situations I experienced from job changes, to relationships, to raising my children, etc.   Looking back I recognize that my worst fears never came to fruition.  We were always taken care of.  My boys turned out to be great men.  All that time being fearful robbed me from being hope-filled and confident. Be Brave!
  4.  I would tell her to be herself in every environment; that she is uniquely created! As a young woman I found myself supporting my husbands ministry placements and in doing so I had to adapt to many different churches, environments, personalities, and “rules of the club”.  There were many years where I saw myself “disappearing” to fit in.  The nuances of my personality were hidden, many times, to be that “perfect pastors wife”.  No one asked me to, I put that pressure on myself.  As I have become more authentic over the years~ my quirks, my weaknesses, my hobbies, my dreams~ I have found a greater kinship with people than ever before.  If I had it to do all over again knowing what I now know, I would just be myself!
  5.  I would tell her to take good care of herself.  For so many years I put all my energy into my family, my church, my home, and my outside relationships.  I kept my schedule so wound up that I rarely took time to take care of me; excercise, rest, boundaries, and free time were lost in a well intended, but over-packed schedule.  There were many times when I found myself exhausted, moody, over weight, and anxious.  Over the past 15 years I have learned to take care of myself physically, relationally, spiritually, and activity-wise. I’m certainly not perfect but I make a real effort to keep these areas vibrant.  Truth be known, if we women are not applying self-care, if our cups get empty, everyone around us suffers.

I do love the season of life that I am in.  I have no desire to be 16 again! In this season I understand what matters, appreciate the sweetness of relationships, and I am incredibly grateful to be a Mimi! 🙂 So, happy birthday to me! 🙂

If today was your last…..

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Whenever I lead a Life Plan Event I ask the amazing women in attendance to write their epitaph ~ to think about their life “as if” they had no more days remaining!  This is a very emotional journey. How do I want to be remembered VS. how WILL I actually be remembered?

Women, I have learned, really want to be remembered as being kind, loving, and impacting.  However, I often hear that the tyranny of the urgent can rob them of actually being the person they want to be!!

If you were to write your epitaph, what would it say and how could you fill the gap between how you WANT to be remembered and how you WILL be remembered?

Take a moment of “quiet” and write down your thoughts.  If today was your last day what would/could you change to get closer to the person you truly are?  what would you try?  Who would you reconcile with? Who would you forgive?  Who might you contact? Where might you finally go?

Seize the moment, use your days well and BE the person that leaves a legacy that you desire!  Start today, start fresh!! 🙂

My Aching Muscles~

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After 4 years of running, using the elliptical machine, and some free weights; it was time to “shake things up”.   I have access to a fantastic athletic club filled with great classes so it was about time that I utilized one of them.

I decided to take an Intervals class to begin to work on my core and gain new strength.  I was excited about my new adventure!  The class began as i had many items ( weights, step, mat, etc) in my personal space, the music started, and our teacher began to walk us through many moves that tested and challenged every muscle in our bodies.

As I crawled out of bed the next day I had a reaction from every one of those  muscles I had utilized in the class the day before. Just going up and down my stairs was a physical event!  MY MUSCLES WERE SCREAMING AT ME! 🙂 Some of my inner thoughts were “well, I must be too old for this”, I think I better not go to class again.”, I thought I was already healthy, maybe something is wrong…”

I have returned to class numerous times and surprisingly enough the more I have used those muscles the less grief they have caused me.  I was so surprised I had so many muscles I had left under utilized for so long; I am glad I am working on changing this.

I began to think about how this whole experience relates to life as well.  As I walk through the experiences, challenges, and opportunities of my life there are “muscles” that can remain under-utilized if I let them.  The challenge comes when I choose, or am forced, into a situation that requires me to dig really deep, using new emotional, occupational, spiritual, or relational muscles.  It can be painful and stretching.

Let’s imagine that “forgiveness” is a muscle.   If we have allowed ourselves to blame others, carry a grudge, & justify our un-forgiveness for a long period of time, then that “muscle” will probably be pretty weak and untested.  Stretching into becoming a more forgiving person is ultimately a fantastic choice in every way…..but getting there, choosing to regularly forgive, may be a painful road to pursue initially.

Trust, faith, joy, gratefulness, patience, and perseverance are important “muscles”.

Romans 5:3-4 says:      “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.”

Take an assessment today.  Are there any muscles you need to begin to intentionally work on so that they will be strong and effective this new year, do you need to “shake things up”?

Seize the day, my friend. 🙂

Giving Myself Permission in 2013~

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PERMISSION ~ the authorization to DO something, to permit an ACTION.

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As I look toward the year ahead I am convinced that I don’t have a desire to create a list of New Year Resolutions; rather I am giving myself permission to think and act in a fresh way.

Giving myself “permission” allows me to shift my mindset from what I think I SHOULD do, to choosing what is right for me in this season of my life.  Doing the best thing, making good choices, and being mindful of faith and reputation are not discounted at all in this. Rather, I am giving myself the freedom to be more authentic, creative, balanced, and honest this year.

I am excited about this.

As a Life Coach I interact with many women and I often hear them say ” I just can’t seem to give myself permission to…………………..”.  So often we are fully engaged in being mothers, employees, partners, siblings, volunteers, church members, etc.  Stepping back to consider what we may truly want,  to re-ignight dreams that may have left dormant long ago, or to begin to create a different type of life schedule just feels foreign to us.  Perhaps, 2013 could be a different kind of year for you…IF you give yourself permission.

This year I give myself permission to:

1.  Set Boundaries.  Where am I needed the most?  What involvements line up with my values? For my limited amount of time, where are my gifts and talents best put to use? With this filter firmly set I give myself not to feel guilty when it is best that I say “NO” to good opportunities that would keep me from doing what is great!

2.  Have Sad Days. Seriously, sometimes I am just sad. Kids are grown, life is changing so fast, friends pass away, our economy is challenged, and there is constant uncertainty. I have a strong faith in God and His ability to care for me but life can still be challenging and confusing. Sometimes I get sad. This year I will not feel guilty for this but rather I will let myself acknowledge the sadness and take a day for some good Old Fashioned self care!

3.  Forgive.  Over the past few years I have truly begun to learn that allowing myself to forgive is a gift I give myself.  This year I give myself permission to forgive those who may have hurt me, misjudged me, or spoken ill of me. Truth be known, I have hurt others in my life ( intentionally or unintentionally), so I need the same mercy I give myself permission to give! I may move into those relationships with new cautions, but I choose to forgive.

4.  Explore New Ideas.   I have loved hearing of friends in their 40’s and 50’s who have chosen to go back to school ( nursing, teaching, etc). I love hearing about friends who have written books, run marathons, learned a new language, or have started an impacting non-profit! I give myself permission this year to do some exploring. What might be new and exciting for me? What might stretch and grow who I am? I simply give myself permission to explore!!

5. Make Some Noise.  This Christmas my mother gave me a fun, whimsical calendar!  Reading through it I was tickled by some of the writings there that captured a bit about my personality in this season.   “Now, be a good girl and don’t make waves!  That’s the most ridiculous statement I have ever heard! Not only do I plan on making waves, I am trying to figure out how to start a typhoon and really rock the world!!”   You just gotta chuckle.  However, this year I do give myself permission to be honest, to disagree when I do, and to give my honest thoughts even if they may not line up with someone else. ( Speaking the truth in love of course.)

Need to give yourself permission to make changes, re-assess your present choices and consider some new approaches?  Set aside a day in the week ahead to consider this question and bravely move forward.

Happy, wonderful New Year to you!!