I watched The Shack~

March 27, 2017 / salciccioli / 4 Comments

When I mention the new movie “The Shack” I get mixed responses. Back when the book came out I never took the opportunity to read it; life was just so busy at the time. Nevertheless, people I loved and respected both loved it and disliked it.

When my girlfriend asked me to watch the movie with her I was intrigued by all that I had heard; allegory or a literal representation of God? It was time to find out.

When The Shack was originally written my life had been a series of wonderful blessings, challenging situations, hurtful experiences, sadness’s, great joys and blessing: a real mix. Having now seen the movie I believe I would have been deeply moved in so many ways yet it may have lacked a deeply personal response from me at that time.

It’s been over 5 years since an angry, ruthless, greedy individual stole my precious nephew’s life; snuffed out in the prime of life. Christopher was/is dearly loved. Never forgotten. The perpetrator has yet to go to court; Christopher’s’ body has yet to be found.

In the first few months after losing him I used running as an avenue to process and “work out” the angst in my soul. “WHY GOD?? You could have saved his life, protected him, kept him from harm!!! Where were you??” My trust in God was challenged, believing in all I was told He was – love, protecting, caring was turned to disbelief. I ran and ran and ran; all the while shaking my fist at what I didn’t and couldn’t understand.

One day, while running, I dropped on my face in a grass field tired of the battle, tired of trying to understand, and heavy with the deepest grief I had ever experienced. When I got still I heard God whisper to my heart “My shoulders are big enough for your grief and questions. I need you to be prepared to forgive in order to feel whole again.” I sat there for over an hour pondering His words and questioning the latter…forgive???

Back to the movie; seeing it now after walking through such deep sorrow, going from anger to sadness and grief, to asking questions, rebuilding trust in the One who formed and knew Christopher, to learning to forgive ( sometimes daily); the impact of the movie struck me deeply in this single paragraph:

“Just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn’t mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don’t ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn’t depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors. Evil exists, broken people exist, wounded people exist and make devastating choices. These are not acts that I coordinate but I will work for good what evil sought to destroy.” The Shack

As I exited the theater I could feel the tears welling, first in my throat and quickly to my eyes as I began to ponder those words and their impact on me in this season of my life.

I settled myself in my car, sitting there in the silence listening to the wind outside. Out of nowhere I began to sob from my soul, more grief finding a way out! The words had reminded me that God didn’t cause my pain and that he was there at every moment to help and heal my soul and the soul of my entire family. Forgiveness is for me. Forgiveness sets me free from bitterness; forgiveness keeps my eyes on Christ while knowing full well that it doesn’t minimize the perpetrators guilt.

I am confident and long for the day when my entire family will celebrate a grand reunion with Christopher; what a day that will be!! Until then I will fight to forgive and grow even stronger in my faith that God is good, God is faithful, and God will never leave me nor forsake me.

Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

The Noose of Regret~

October 10, 2016 / salciccioli / 2 Comments

We all have regrets.

As each of us looks over the landscape of our lives we will, occasionally or often, wince when we recall poor job choices, hurt filled relationships, missed opportunities, and poor financial decisions. Everyone, as they grow older, has an opportunity to look back with hindsight and consider how we could have better navigated numerous areas of our lives…all of us.

Early in our marriage, with a 2-year-old and while I was 7 months pregnant, Greg and I moved far from family to pursue a new ministry role. Everyone was supportive, there was excitement about the role we were being given and the impact we had the potential to make in that small community.

We went with the best of intentions but, regrettably, it was a pain filled season for our little family and set in motion a series of challenging situations that nearly broke us in many ways. Greg and I have often looked back at those choices and say ” we would never make that same choice today”!

Wounded and a bit battered, we had a choice to live in the past and walk away from our passion and calling or choose to learn from it, forgive, and let it go. We chose the latter but it did take some time to feel fully whole again.

Today I would clearly say that we probably learned more in those trenches then at any other time in our life ~ those we would not like a repeat performance. God is good to redeem our past regrets; to make “beauty for ashes”. Regret could have been like a noose around our neck and kept us from the joy of doing what we love to do today!

So, what is regret? Regret is a negative emotional state that involves blaming ourselves for a bad outcome, feeling a sense of loss or sorrow at what might have been or wishing we could undo a previous choice that we made. Nothing about walking through life this way is healthy; we must let go!

Today~ what’s got it’s grip on you? What do you regret that’s keeping you from new starts, fresh dreams, re-newed passion, or fresh change? What kind of cyclical self-talk do you automatically fall into when faced with moving on and moving forward?

Consider letting go, learning from the choices you made, forgiving yourself and/or others, and look toward the future with great hope and anticipation. Sometimes you made have to get up and make this choice everyday until you begin to feel free! I know I had to!

How about moving forward? How about letting go? How about watching as God so creatively and lovingly makes “beauty for ashes” in your life?

Choose to experience a new season today! Decide to let go! 🙂

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Oops!

October 15, 2015 / salciccioli / Leave a comment

It’s going to happen. It’s inevitable. At least once in your life you are going to fail at something. Everybody has failed even if they refuse to admit it. Interestingly enough, some of the greatest success stories were born out of some form of failure: Steve Jobs, Walt Disney, even Oprah. C. S. Lewis said it best “Failures are the finger posts on the road to achievement.”

Failure can be a real opportunity!

You can learn a great deal from failure IF you choose the to. For all of us there is room for improvement; failures can bring those needed areas to light and give us the chance to grow! Hindsight is, indeed, a great teacher. A failure can become a defining reference point when faced with a similar challenge or opportunity.
Failure can make you stronger. When some people fail they throw in the towel, give up. Others fail and they seem to find a deep strength within to learn from it and do better next time. Though it feels really bad in the moment but it shouldn’t stop or break you. Getting through a challenging failure; in business, a relationship, or experience should help us to learn how really strong we are!
A failure may lead to new opportunities. Sometimes a failure can lead to a necessary ending; a new direction. A failure can help us assess if we are on the best path for our lives. A failure, as painful as it can be, might lead you to considering fresh avenues for your life.
Failures simply make the successes so much sweeter! To have grown and learned from a past failure and having fresh success in a previously challenged area is the best feeling in the world! The learning and hindsight gained somehow makes the challenge worth it.

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without the loss of enthusiasm” Winston Churchill

“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead-end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” – Denis Waitley

Learn from failures, forgive yourself, stand up tall and move forward with fresh resolve.

Pardon Me!

August 31, 2015September 1, 2015 / salciccioli / Leave a comment

We have all experienced it…..at least once in our lives. We have all faced situations where there has been misunderstanding, hurtful indictments, poor communication, and decisions made that we may not have agreed with. These experiences can be within our families, in the workplace, in our churches, or in our community involvements. But I think I can safely say that we all get to walk through that experience at least once!

The real challenge comes when we try to navigate these situations that cause us to feel offended, hurt, misrepresented, and misunderstood. Most often our first response is to want to “be right”, to defend ourselves, and to let the walls start to build between ourselves and those we feel have treated us unfairly.

In the early years when my husband was a young pastor, we experienced hurtful situations that caused us to feel disrespected and offended numerous times. We were young and truly didn’t anticipate these kinds of relational challenges. We could feel resentments causing us to change from positive, caring people to reactive, offendable people and that’s not who we wanted to be.

Over the years we have had to learn to let the outcome of these situations go . As we have chosen to PARDON those with whom we have felt disrespected and indicted, even when the offenders have not acknowledged any wrong-doing, even when we haven’t been able to justify ourselves ~ We have been able to move on and flourish! We’ve had to start with the choice to forgive; the feelings have followed over time.

Another choice we have to make is to pardon ourselves for the part we have played in the conflict. We are never 100% right so there is always something that we have contributed to make the situation more challenging. If we can own our part, learn from it, and forgive ourselves we can move on in an emotionally healthy way.

Here’s an interesting paraphrase from John 12:24 ” Let your expectations go. You took a loss. You’ve complained and grieved. To hold onto it any longer is counter-productive. It’s time to let it go or you will remain stuck. When you let it go you will get your life back and you will prosper.”

Have you walked through situations that have left you wounded? Have you let your emotions remain intrenched in your hurt? Is it time to get free? Is it time to pardon both offender(s) and yourself? Don’t let offenses change you into a version of yourself that even you don’t like. You be the hero and hand out the first pardon today.

“…and forgive us our debts AS we forgive our debtors.” (Lord’s Prayer)

Is Your Baggage Affecting Your Life?

May 3, 2015 / salciccioli / 1 Comment

We all have baggage don’t we? As we navigate our lives with people, professions, challenges, and changes our baggage will show up, we can count on it. Sometimes the baggage with be very evident and sometimes it sits under the surface but ~ we all carry around some baggage.

Recently our church has been doing a quality series on the Baggage in our lives. We have been given some good steps to help us to get free of our baggage IF we are willing to do the work. Walking out healthy lives will require all of us to do some inventory to see just what our personal baggage is, how it affects us, and how does it affect those around us?.

Les Parrot and Dr. Neil Clark in their article ” Losing your Emotional Baggage express this thought “Wouldn’t it be nice if we could simply lose our emotional baggage the same way our luggage gets lost by airline companies? If only we could turn off our emotions and memories that easily.” “History is what has happened in our lives. Baggage is how we feel about it. Your perspective on your past determines, to a great extent, your personal health and vitality.”

Those statements make it sound as if our Baggage holds the power of negatively affecting our whole life if we never take the time to address it.

Our baggage may come from a traumatic upbringing and yet even those from healthy homes walk away with baggage as well. The way we experience and perceive the events of our lives; no matter what, can shape the type of baggage that we carry.

I grew up in a family where I knew I was loved. However, many hours of my young life were spent attending church events. Though I gained a lot of wonderful mentoring in those days I also heard the teaching of sini I learned that if I wasn’t sinless I would indeed be “left behind.” This consistent teaching created fear and self loathing in me because I knew I was not a perfect person–therefore, unacceptable. I realize that this teaching may have been taught with the best of intentions, but my PERCEPTION was that I would never measure up enough to be loved by God. The baggage I carried from that experience followed me into adulthood as a Pastor’s wife. My perception of that teaching caused me to feel uncertain, to have trust issues with God, and made me afraid to teach because I felt unworthy. This baggage took a long time to lay down–well into my 30’s. When I was able to “unpack” my baggage and seek out what was really true about God’s heart for me, I gained fresh freedom.

So how can we begin to un-pack our Baggage and walk in fresh freedom?

1. Get some outside insight: Ask trusted friends or family if they can see any “blind spots” that keep sabotaging your relationships or occupations. Identify the themes and try to find the source of this baggage.

2. Take some time to reflect of past hurts or disappointments. Are you carrying baggage into this season of your life because you refuse to forgive, haven’t tried to gain real truth? feel like a victim? Are you bitter? If we won’t look at these things we will always be a slave to them. Be brave. Look at your challenges and ask yourself if being free of the baggage would be worth the effort it will take to move forward.

3. Choose to forgive. It’s said that “unforgiveness is like feeding ourselves poison while hoping our enemy dies!”. When we choose to forgive the people and experiences that “handed” our baggage to us, we open the door to freedom ourselves. Forgiveness does not mean we minimize the pain, that our offender’s behaviour has been acceptable, or that we have to reignite situations and relationships that are simply unhealthy for us. It simply means we lay it down. Piece by piece we drop off one “suitcase” after another until we can stand tall, breathe deep, and experience a hope like never before. In the same article mentioned above the authors express “Letting go is not easy and a person may not deserve forgiveness and may not even ask for it, but you should extend forgiveness because of what it will do for you. You may also need to forgive yourself.”

Walk in renewed freedom and hope today!

The Rules of the Club~

April 29, 2015 / salciccioli / 1 Comment

I was about 5 years old when my parents began to attend a wonderfully energetic Assembly of God church. Each week a large choir belted out anthems while attenders sang along with hands raised in worship; engaging, emotional, and even a little bit loud! We went to church early each Sunday for Sunday School, coffee and goodies in between, and then the larger church service till noon; we would return again in the evening for another engaging service as well as popping in on Wednesday nights for classes and connection. Those were the expected rules of attendance. I am grateful for my heritage and the many things I learned over the years. But, there were many rules for those in the club: no dancing, no alcohol, no playing cards, no going to the movies, no wearing pants to church, etc. None of the rules were damaging except that I was convinced they were “God’s rules” in order to be acceptable to Him.

Imagine my surprise when, as an adult, when my husband and I pastored churches and eventually began to Coach pastors from every denomination and non-denomination. I began to see that each church group has their own rules for their club. The “rules” weren’t necessarily harmful but it was important to know what the rules were in order to be fully accepted into the “club”. Often the rules were non-negotiable.

About 10 years ago I met a young gal, pierced and tattooed. A really kind-hearted, friendly young gal. We chatted a bit each week as she shared some of the challenges she was experiencing in her life; I would always encourage her to find a church to attend in hopes that she would find the answers she needed for her life. I was really excited the day she expressed that she had been to church over the weekend. With teary eyes she spoke of how the songs that had been sung really touched her heart, the teaching she heard really made her think and long for something new. At the close of the service there had been an opportunity for anybody wanting a fresh start to come to the front to pray with a leader there. She said she almost ran to the front. As she shared her vulnerable heart that day, the leader looked at her as tenderly as she could and let this young girl know that God did really love her BUT that those piercings and tattoos were truly not acceptable. She left the church brokenhearted that day. Oops…She did’nt know the rules of the club.

Certainly any organization–churches or businesses –will have their own personality, themes, rules, and ways to navigate ongoing interactions. My only caution would be this: Let’s be careful that we don’t keep people out or at a distance because they don’t abide by all the rules that have been established. Let’s not let our “rules” keep others from knowing and experiencing the gracious and inclusive love of our God. Let’s make sure the rules we establish are truly from Him.

…..one thing I know for certain, her tattoos and piercings didn’t matter to God. I think He cried that day.

Some Relationships are Worth Extra Effort~

February 26, 2015February 26, 2015 / salciccioli / Leave a comment

Do you hate conflict? I sure do!! I used to run from it for many years; never expressing myself, wanting to please and appease! But I have learned two things:

1. It’s so important to address challenges/disagreements in relationships.

2. It’s so important to be willing to be humble to “not be right” in order to maintain relationships that DO matter.

In my life I am clearly aware that I have friendships/relationships that I want to, well, last forever. There are times, even in those key relationships, that there may be disagreements. How do we navigate some of those challenges without losing the friendship? Well, I am still learning.

There are times when it’s important to set boundaries on toxic or untrustworthy relationships…but there are also times when we might want to walk away from a relationship where there has been a challenge and yet, we know in our hearts we want them in our life!

Questions we can ask ourselves in these instances are these:

1. Though there may be a conflict right now, would I be saddened to lose my relationship because of our present challenge?

2. Could there be a bridge built in our relationship if I humble myself and try to understand the heart and season of my friend?

3. Can I extend grace and am I willing to move forward?

Relationships are so important, take care, wisdom, and a humble heart to navigate~~ but they are worth it!!!

Proverbs 17:17A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.

John 15:13“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

The Power of the Cross~

April 18, 2014April 18, 2014 / salciccioli / 3 Comments

As a young girl I loved Easter because I got a new frilly dress, a basketful of various forms of “goodies”, and my family always gathered together to eat and engage in the fun of a big ol’ Easter egg hunt. I have lots of sweet memories of those days.

As I got older, I would hear about the sacrifice Christ made for me, but could not grasp the depth of what that meant for my life. I knew I felt emotional, teary at the Easter services, but the idea that anyone would ever experience THAT kind of torment for me? Unfathomable!! I did not understand the gravity of the Cross. I remember many years where the family would gather on Easter evening and the major TV networks would play the movie “The Ten Commandments”; still to this day I cannot figure out what that story had to do with Easter. Perhaps it diffused the message of the Cross.

We wear crosses around our necks, I’ve seen tattoos of the cross on many an arm, and we have crosses displayed in a great deal of our churches. Yet, we can only begin to feel the Power of the Cross when we apply to ourselves personally; He did it for me!! For me!! I look at my life, my choices, and my challenges; I don’t deserve to be loved and forgiven in this way! and yet, He did it for me….

Last night I had the privilege of walking through the Stations of the Cross. It was a vivid experience as I knew with every step toward a new station I was walking nearer and nearer to the Cross. The moment was powerful to my soul when I rounded the corner of the room. My eyes were fixed on the Cross lying on the ground; nails still in place. I wept with sadness and with joy. I felt the gravity of the cost for my forgiveness. I felt the power of the Cross.

The Apostle Paul said it best; “the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. (1 Corinthians 1:18)

Grateful and humbled this Good Friday.

4 Keys for a Joy-Filled Life~~

March 15, 2014March 15, 2014 / salciccioli / 3 Comments

Life is unpredictable. Life has challenges. Life can sometimes steal our joy; let’s just be honest about that. We cannot control everything that comes our way, even if we wish we could! This is why we should be compelled to maintain some key elements in our lives that will help us keep our balance and joy even when faced with uncertainties.

Here are 4 keys that I believe to be essential to maintain a joy-filled life:

1. LAUGHTER: There’s just nothing like laughter to release the tension that builds up in our daily lives. A good belly laugh can turn our day completely around! Kathryn Hepburn was quoted as saying “I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person.” I have to agree! Laughter takes our minds off our “to do” list, our sadness, or our anxieties and allows us to catch our breath! Ignoring the need for laughter will cause us all to become very serious and introspective. So plan to lighten up a couple of times a day~~LAUGH!

2. FORGIVENESS: Martin Luther King said; Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” This means forgiveness is a choice. I “choose” to be unoffendable yet when I am offended I will seek to walk in forgiveness as a gift to myself! Walking in unforgiveness can change us. Walking in unforgiveness is draining. Walking in unforgiveness steals our joy. In an article written by Charles Stanly he said that “It’s probably not surprising to hear that resentment impacts the mind and spirit, but you may not have realized what a physical toll it can also take on us. An attitude of bitterness ratchets up tension and anxiety, which can affect everything from muscles to chemical balance in the brain. Over time, that kind of mayhem weakens the body.”
Therefore If we seek reconciliation when we can and choose forgiveness always, we will stand a greater chance of experiencing a consistent joy-filled life.

3. Quality Relationships: Quality relationships are those that bring energy to you as a person. I’m talking about the deep, unreserved relationships you have within the circle of family and friends that you have. Who are the people who know you and have weathered storms and joys alongside you? Who are the people who love you unconditionally and call just to see how you’re doing? Who are those who would never indict you but would have your back in any situation? Isolation is a joy stealer, we all need a handful of people who will lift our spirits when we are down, laugh with us when we need to unwind, and celebrate with us when we are experiencing even a small victory! These are the relationships that deserve to be placed on your calendar and nurtured! Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words.
George Eliot

4. Times of Solitude: Unplug. Turn of your phone. Back away from the computer. Breathe. Take some time to be silent. To read or reflect. Take time to pray or journal. Don’t see this as a waste of time, but as an integral part of your day. We all need periods of solitude, although temperamentally we probably differ in the amount of solitude we need. However, some solitude is essential; It gives us time to explore who we are and how we feel. Solitude gives us a chance to regain perspective. It renews us for the challenges of life. It allows us to get (back) into the position of driving our own lives, rather than having them run by schedules and demands from without. Times of solitude are also a time to connect with God, giving you time to listen to what He may be saying to you. Making times of solitude a priority in your life will help you to find joy; even in the midst of a busy, or challenging season of life.

Begin to practice these 4 Keys on a regular basis and you will begin to see how valuable they are right away! I want you to live a life that is Joy-filled. THAT is my hope for you! 🙂

If you really knew me you would not like me……………..

November 15, 2013November 15, 2013 / salciccioli / Leave a comment

How many of us have made mistakes in our lives? How many of us have baggage that plagues us? How many of us have heard the enemy whisper “if they really knew you they would not like you”? I have. This kind of shame can keep us locked up; unable and unwilling to step into opportunities simply because we ask ourselves the question “why me?, I am not worthy!”.

Years ago I stood before the congregation of our large church where my husband was an Executive Pastor, I shared my story. Everyone has a story! My story involved a history of a date rape and an abortion at 17 years old! Such a shock to so many that saw me, and my life as perfect; perhaps charmed.

After sharing my story I had over 75 women come to me privately and share that this was similar to their story and they felt shamed and broken! Oh, how the enemy loves to make us feel ruined, soiled, and without value!! Here is the truth:

We have a God who is full of grace and mercy–God’s mercy is so much richer than the mercy we extend to one another. This is sad, but true! All of us have regrets and areas of deep sadness. The truth is that our Savior is rich in love, mercy, and grace!

If this resonates with you. If you have challenges or have faced situations where your choices caused great harm; run to the giver of grace and forgiveness! He loves you more than you can ever know!

Here’s what God’s word says:

Dianna Salciccioli

Walking out my Seasons and Assignments

forgiveness

I watched The Shack~

The Noose of Regret~

Oops!

Pardon Me!

Is Your Baggage Affecting Your Life?

The Rules of the Club~

Some Relationships are Worth Extra Effort~

The Power of the Cross~

4 Keys for a Joy-Filled Life~~

If you really knew me you would not like me……………..

1 John 1:9

Isaiah 43:25-26

Isaiah 1:18

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