friendships

Who are your people?

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As a Life Coach I have the privilege of having crucial conversations with the most amazing women!  I love it when they say ” I never thought of that!” or “Boy, that’s a really good question!”  Those statements let me know that they are gaining some fresh thinking and may embark of some new ideas.  Over the past 18 years, however, I have heard a statement that has caused me great concern.  That statement?  ” Dianna, I’m so glad I have you to talk to, I don’t have anyone else.”  That statement creates so much sadness in my heart and I have often responded with the question “who are your people?” “who do you have in your posse?”

Relationships, especially those who we would invite into our “inner circle” will require purposeful attention.  Trusted relationships are built over time and, if taken seriously, can also stand the test of time.

As a young pastors wife with a very outgoing personality, I spent many happy hours flitting around socially, connecting lightly, with practically every woman in the church.  I felt like I needed to be willing to be everyone’s Buddy.  Interestingly enough, when I faced my own challenges of marriage, parenting, and ministry, I didn’t really have solid, trusted friends to talk to.  My mistake?  I had built my relationships so that they would fall into 2 of the categories listed below ~ Acquaintances and Friends.

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I had neglected to intentionally build my inner circle- my posse- my close friends.

Over the years I have met many more wonderful acquaintances and made lots of friends along the way, but I have worked hard to  build a group of precious, deeply trusted relationships where I can find and give encouragement, direction, prayer support, and fun.  It has taken time and intentionality.

What are the names of your people?  Who sits in your inner circle? Can you list them?  I have often made the statement ” we don’t need a whole bunch of people to count on, but we all need a few trusted friends to share life with.”

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother ( or sister) is born for a time of adversity” (Prov 17:17).

 

But, You Live Too Far Away~~

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Our culture is very fluid these days.  I look back at my childhood where I spent my early years, ages 6-24 in the same town.  Most of my family lived in the same state that I did. However, in our culture today many families not only live in different states; but on different continents.   More and more people are finding themselves in long distance relationships that will require real intentionality to maintain.  I have many of them myself and I always appreciate learning new ways to remain connected!

I would like to give you some tips I’ve learned of and some tips I’ve used to help my long-distance relationships flourish!

1.  Set calendared phone /Skype appointments.  Putting a bi-weekly or monthly call on your calendar will save you from the “dreaded” term; “We should talk again soon………”.  Then it never happens.

2.  Send a written card.  Everyone wants to be remembered and even in this culture of automated interaction, there is still something to be said for the written word.  When I receive a card I actually save it because it feels so special to me.

3.  Send videos or pictures of your children or hobbies you share.  On your iPhone this will take about 10 seconds.  Even this small “soft touch” can make you feel closer in the middle of a busy day!

4.  Plan ahead to visit one another if possible.  I have a sister who has served over-seas much of her adult life.  Though I haven’t gotten to see her as much as I would have liked; I have been able to visit her in England and in France. Those visits to see “her world” drew us closer and were well worth the finances it cost to get there.

5.  When you do get a chance to talk or visit; take time to talk about “the good ol’ days ” and memories you have shared.  These memories create laughter and remind you as to why your relationship is valuable and worth working on.

6.  Remember birthdays and holidays creatively.  These times, especially when you are apart can feel lonely and disconnected.  Making a personal effort to remember them will help keep your hearts close.

7.  Sometimes, out of the blue, just pick up the phone and call–even if you just get the message machine, you can still let them know that they were on your mind.  I’ve had that happen to me and it’s such a boost!

8.  Facebook–messages, wall posts–pictures.  All these possibilities will keep you both connected to how you are doing on the day-to-day!

9.  Send a care package just for fun.  I remember that when I was in college and a package came in by surprise it just rocked my world–even if it was something tiny.  It meant so very much!

10.  Pray for one another.  Knowing you have this rich type of support is priceless.

All of us have friends and family who are far from us! Grab a few of these ideas, test them out, and see if your relationships begin to grow and flourish in fresh ways!! They are worth it!!  🙂

 

Keys to key Relationships! (re-post)

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Building  Amazing Relationships!

Business group showing teamwork

Relationships can bring us our greatest joys and our deepest wounds. We can’t control how others choose to respond in their relationships with us, but we can establish our own ground rules for having and maintaining quality relationships.

Below are some thoughts to consider as you navigate the relationships in your life:

1.  Surround yourself with positive people- finding like-minded, positive people will fill your cup. Spending the bulk of your time with those who suck the happiness out of you is unwise and unhealthy.

2. Accept people just the way they are – Save yourself the needless stress of trying to change people who don’t want to change. Fight the urge to engage in fruitless conversations, rather look for areas where you can agree and show support.

3. Forgive people and move forward –  holding anger or bitterness affects us much more than the individual we have been hurt by.  Forgiveness is not saying “What you did or said was okay.”  It is saying “I’m not going to let what you did ruin my happiness or steal my joy.” It doesn’t mean you forget it simply means that you choose to let go.

4.   Do little things for those in your life –  A card, a visit, a gift, an email, a text. Simply take opportunities to connect with and appreciate those your care about.  We all feel a little more valuable when we realize that someone has been thinking of us.

5.  Talk a little less, listen a little more –  Our relationships will grow if we move away from being the talker and take the time to listen! A listening ear is the greatest gift we could give to those we love.

6.  Be Loyal – be the kind of person that believes the best about those you love. Everyone needs to know that someone “has their back”. Be that person.

7.  Pick your battlegrounds – don’t pick petty arguments. We aren’t always “right”.  Focus on the things that truly matter and let the small stuff go!

8.  Encourage and cheer them on –  be excited for those you love! Spur them on! Don’t look at their opportunities or dreams with the lens of what it will cost you, rather keep them the priority.

9.  Remember that everyone has baggage –  we all enter relationship with a suitcase filled with past experiences; successes, disappointments, hurts, etc.  Sometimes that “baggage” effects the relationship and needs to be addressed. However, using grace and understanding will always be the most fruitful approach.

10. Let go of friendships that are no longer healthy – some relationships can run their course and a necessary ending needs to take place. To force relationships to continue when the season is over can be exhausting and eventually more harmful than good.  Be willing to appreciate the relationship for what it was, and then release it and move forward.

Relationships are our most valuable assets and worth the effort to keep them strong and healthy! Test these tips out and see if they help create healthier interactions in your relationships!!  Flourish in the days ahead!!