goals

Coaching’s Saddest Moments~

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I have been so privileged to be a Life and Business Coach for so many years now; watching leaders grow in their personal life and skill set is truly thrilling for me! Watching courageous men and women chart fresh action steps into their calendars to achieve new and meaningful goals is pure joy and any good Coach will tell you the same!

Those who coach do so because we believe that everyone can reach their goals and build a legacy if they are willing to tweak some of their choices, engage in new behavior choices, and allow themselves to be accountable to someone who wants nothing more than to see them win in every area of their life!

Every win goes into the “why I coach file”.

Nevertheless, as a Coach I have experienced some sad moments. There are times when an amazing individual with mountains of potential just simply doesn’t allow themselves to make needed changes. There are times when these same individuals sabotage the little progress they have managed to make. These individuals express how badly they want change but they just don’t commit to the good choices it would take to reach those desired goals! This is when I, as a Coach feel really sad; I hate to see people miss out on the great life they could have while they settle for “good enough”.

As humans, all of us can settle for the good, while never reaching for what is great. We can lose the will to dream and simply focus on our day-to-day requirements. And sabotage?  Anyone whose dieted know how easy it is to undo weeks of mindful eating, right?

Can I encourage you today to dream again? Can I impress upon you to see your great value as a human and a leader? Is it possible to hand you a permission slip that gives you the right to make needed changes for great growth?

 

We have one life and there is only one YOU! Reach for the Moon!

A Goal without a Plan is Just a Wish!

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Facebook added a “memories” feature this year where daily you can receive photos sharing exactly what you were doing on THIS day last year.  Today I was reminded that exactly one year ago I was taking some time to ponder my goals and dreams for 2016; I am jolted by how quickly this year has passed!

I had to ask myself the question, ” did I complete many of my goals and am I ending the year well?”  Hmmmmm………Yes, and no.   Company goals?  As a team I believe we exceeded our goals!  Friend and family relationships? I am confident that  I stayed true to my goals of keeping people a key priority in my schedule. In my faith?  I wonder if I will ever be truly satisfied with my yearly growth; there is always so much more to understand, so many areas to grow.  In my health?  Not my best account and one that I need to move up the priority list.  I’ve done a bit of the unthinkable……..allowed my schedule to affect my strict disciplines!  I know, I know……I can hear you saying “but you are a Coach!”  You are correct…..just trying to be authentic!

However, there are other questions I found valuable in assessing my year in preparation for a new year ahead and I thought I would pass them on to you for that when you access your year and set fresh goals for 2017:

  1.  Did I love my family well?
  2. Did I use my gifts and talents well?
  3. What were some of the notable blessings and memories from this year?
  4. Was there a particular book/teaching that caused me to grow this year?
  5. What goals didn’t get completed? What do I need to change to be successful?
  6. Was I a grateful person this year?
  7. What is one thing that went really well? did I celebrate it?
  8. Was I a gracious host this year? Did I practice hospitality?
  9. Was I kind to others who serve me in the community: grocery stores, gas, etc?
  10. What term would I use to describe this year?

Take some time, before the hustle and bustle of this wonderful holiday season, grab a journal, and consider how you spent this year.  Did you achieve your goals? Were you the kind of person you wanted to be?  What would you like the coming year to look like for you, your family, your company, and your community?  Then, make a plan, calendar dates and steps, and celebrate the wins along the way!  Time really passes quickly so it’s never too early to get started!

Remember, A Goal without a Plan is just a Wish!

 

 

 

 

Tell Someone!

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2015 was a good year.

As my husband and I reminisced during the holiday season we both expressed how thankful we were for memories made, goals achieved, lessons learned, and challenges addressed. We navigated sadnesses and spent  glorious hours with our children and grandchildren.  We say goodbye to 2015 thankful for all our blessings.

About 4 years ago I wrote in my yearly Life Plan the goal of creating a Woman’s Event in my hometown. I wanted to help women engage in rich conversations about their lives, direction, challenges, and personal goals.  I had the tools, I was full of ideas but…………I didn’t tell anyone nor did I ask anyone to keep me accountable to accomplish the goal.  It never happened!

Last year, I hesitated as I put the same goal on my yearly Life Plan. This time I  proceeded to share the idea with my husband and Coachwell teammates.  As the year comes to a close I have to say that the Women’s Event that we created, offered, and accomplished has to be one of the highlights of my year.  What a wonderful opportunity to spend time with amazing women, reconnecting with past relationships, and starting to help them get some fresh traction in their life goals!  The key to accomplishing this goal?

Accountability!

2016 is just days away.  Do you have any un-achieved goals in your life? A priority that needs intentional time and attention? Do you have a dream that’s  covered in dust?  Perhaps this is your year to gain some traction by setting the goal, building the plan, AND gaining accountability from those you trust!  Just imagine reading through the plan you cautiously created at the end of 2015 following the holidays next year.  Imagine that you are celebrating the accomplishment of completing the goal!

Grab a little “quiet time” as this year comes to a close.  Grab a journal or notebook, take time to think, pray, and consider all that is in your heart..then…begin to bravely write your goals for the year, those that you’ve been so hesitant about until now.  Within the next two weeks share your plan with one or two trusted individuals; allow them to keep you accountable throughout the year.  You will be surprised at the traction you will have as you gain inspiration from those who want to see you win AND you will enjoy celebrating all the challenges you’ve overcome along the way!!

2016 is a fresh slate, what would be a WIN for you in 2017?

Be brave! Tell Somebody! 🙂

Happy New Year!

For Women Only!

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If you have followed my blog for any length of time then you know that there are certain themes that I will write on time and time again; hopefully expressing thoughts in fresh ways. The “rule of seven” tells us that a person generally needs to hear a concept at least 7 times before really grabbing ahold of the concept and applying it to their lives.  So please indulge me as I take another stab at a truth that I know to be very, very important!

LADIES!  I give you permission today to take as good care of yourself as you do for all the others in your lives!

As a young woman, I was a pastor’s wife, friend, sister, daughter, church volunteer, school volunteer, house-keeper, cook, and mama to two active boys; how I wish I had been told how impacting it would have been if I had figured out some way to establish self care  in those days! So often I was exhausted, unhealthy, and even a bit isolated in my closest relationships….I was just so busy.

Let me explain Self-Care a little better:

“Self care includes any intentional action an individual takes to care for their physical, mental, relational, and emotional health.”
Good food, water, exercise, and good sleep patterns are  key to maintaining vibrant energy and outlook.
Life giving friends, healthy boundaries, quality support,  and cup-filling activities help to keep our emotional health strong.
Having proven ways to relax, taking time to journal thoughts and concerns, growing in the area of faith, listening to positive information rather than focusing on the negative, and learning to nap are all elements that support sustainable mental wellness.
Building good friendships, gathering with other women in your season of life, enjoying “girl time” where you can laugh deeply, and having a “posse” of women who you know have your back, strengthens our sense of connectedness and relational health.
Here’s an action step:
If you look at your calendar, personal and professional, and you don’t see yourself represented there on any given day–it’s time!
* a spa day
* a girl’s night out
* a nap
*time at the gym
* time with God
*time with a good book
*hiking in the great outdoors
*crafting
* and saying no to some good things to use your greatest energy for the BEST things.
10WaysToSayNo         ( just for you)
Permission Granted Again. ( you are worth it )
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I Don’t Feel Like It!

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Very few people wake up in the morning and feel like taking big risks or feel like digging deep for something that has eluded them. People don’t usually feel like pushing themselves harder than they’ve pushed before or having conversations that might be uncomfortable.   Seth Godin

It’ that time again, the time where we access our past year to see what we’ve accomplished and then we begin to RE-commit to goals unmet or we set new goals.  The first of a new year tends to serve as a kind of “reset button” for us all.

We may take the time to list our fresh commitments, share them with a trusted friend or coach, or we might simply keep them private but “top of mind”.  We may commit to getting healthier, eating better, being more diligent in our spiritual life, focusing on a better marriage or relationships.  We may establish new fresh practices for our professional lives as well. All these commitments will require diligence.

I love attending my local gym in January where I am surrounded by zealous people committed to getting healthy THIS year! Every day the classes and exercise equipment are full! Day after day people make an effort to focus on their health…….for about 30 days.  By the tail end of February many of those recommitted to their health have already backed away from their goal.

Why? They didn’t FEEL like it.

Before the sun is even up I grab my bathrobe and a cup of coffee. I head downstairs to my favorite chair where I will journal, pray, and read on a daily basis; a discipline that needed to be shored up last year! Every morning I find my way to my chair until I begin to give myself permission to sleep just a little longer….and a little longer….until, once again, my diligence weakens and I lose out on this meaningful time.

Why? I didn’t FEEL like it.

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Making key changes in our way of doing life requires diligence that is not based on how we feel. I have often joked with friends saying that “I am always so happy after I work out but I have never started my day FEELING Yippee! I get to go exercise!!”  I simply do it because it has become part of my lifestyle; there were many years when this was not the case.

Aristotle says “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is therefore not an act but a habit.”  You’ve never heard an interview with an athlete where when they are asked how much they practice they answer “when I feel like it!”  Achieving our fresh goals requires commitment even when we don’t FEEL like it!

We are rounding the corner to the end of 2013. Are there goals you set last year that you’d like to recommit to?  Are there new goals you can see that you need to establish?  Are there dreams you’d like to diligently step into this year that you know will require effort on your part?

If so, then take some time to address the challenge you know you will face as you pursue fresh behavior. Will you stay the course even if you don’t FEEL like it? and when those times come how will you prepare to be proactive so that you don’t sabotage these fresh goals that matter to you?

If we don’t give ourselves permission to make decisions based on our feelings we will find a greater sense of resolve and satisfaction; it will be well worth it!

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we don’t give up.”  Galatians 6:9

Wonderfully Made~

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Give yourself permission to pause and declare with the psalmist, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” Psalm 139:14

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Can you list the many gifts and talents God has placed within you?  Do you give yourself permission to appreciate those elements inside of you that make you unique; special?  Do you say to yourself “I can’t focus on who I am. It’s selfish.” Feeling appreciative for who we are feels wrong somehow.

BUT…….

The truth is that choosing to embrace our value, all of who we are, is very unselfish as it maximizes our ability to serve others; to have on-going impact.  When we recognize our strengths we can find a way to use them well.  If you are gifted to write there are unlimited ways for you to to help others, if you are gifted with a strong detail orientation you can bring great value to a team, if you are gifted with a great voice you can use your gift to encourage others through song, and if you are gifted as a counselor or listener you can be a safe place for others to land; you can help people heal.

Certainly, there are areas of challenge in our lives and frankly, many of us find it easier to list our challenges rather than our strengths. Why is that?  How about taking some time to simply list the gifts God has placed inside of you, list also the ways that they are or could be expressed in your life. Get excited about the fact that you are Wonderfully Made!

“God thank you for creating me with gifts. I’m grateful for the strengths that you’ve placed within me and the ways those are expressed as actions through my skills. I humbly acknowledge that I do have something to offer and that you have made me to make a difference. Amen”                                                                                                        (Opening the Door to your God-sized Dream ~Holly Gerth)

Time to sail away from the shore~

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During the past week I came across a quote that caught my attention right away; I felt that it embodied how I feel about this season of life.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

As a young girl I don’t think I would have called myself brave or daring, rather I was most comfortable with things that were steady and safe.  Certainly I could get excited about the “idea” of taking big, bold action but in the end I would always stay safely on shore!

I believe that my fear of failure kept me on tasks and in situations that had fairly sure outcomes, no real risk or adventure involved. I never wanted to feel the weight of personal disappointment nor did I want to disappoint anyone. Thus, I did very little that was competitive in my early years.

In High School I branched out and joined the Swim Team; practicing hard to prepare for the swim meets on the weekends.  I remember one particular swim meet where I realized no one was in the lanes next to me and I felt a twinge of excitement that, perhaps, I was going to be the first one to the finish line. As I pulled to the edge of the pool with all the speed I could muster I popped my head out of the water to find that, actually, I was the last one in! That was my last swim meet.

Today, with years of hindsight under my belt, I fully recognize the value of taking risks, challenging myself, throwing off extreme cautions that choke my ability to dream, and giving myself permission to “fail forward.” Without being free to “sail away from the Harbor” I would never have had the life I have full of rich memories, opportunities, relationships, and fresh challenges!

Everyday I learn that life is short, mistakes only cause me to grow, challenges strengthen my resolve, and risk makes me depend more on God in every way. So, 20 years from now I don’t want a laundry list of things I should have done; wanted to do~yet feared exploring! Rather I would love to have a journal full of memories, experiences, and adventures to recall with satisfaction!

What about you? Playing it safe, hugging the shoreline? Perhaps today is your day to explore what it would look like to “catch the trade winds in your sails.”  Dream big! 🙂

Keys to key Relationships! (re-post)

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Building  Amazing Relationships!

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Relationships can bring us our greatest joys and our deepest wounds. We can’t control how others choose to respond in their relationships with us, but we can establish our own ground rules for having and maintaining quality relationships.

Below are some thoughts to consider as you navigate the relationships in your life:

1.  Surround yourself with positive people- finding like-minded, positive people will fill your cup. Spending the bulk of your time with those who suck the happiness out of you is unwise and unhealthy.

2. Accept people just the way they are – Save yourself the needless stress of trying to change people who don’t want to change. Fight the urge to engage in fruitless conversations, rather look for areas where you can agree and show support.

3. Forgive people and move forward –  holding anger or bitterness affects us much more than the individual we have been hurt by.  Forgiveness is not saying “What you did or said was okay.”  It is saying “I’m not going to let what you did ruin my happiness or steal my joy.” It doesn’t mean you forget it simply means that you choose to let go.

4.   Do little things for those in your life –  A card, a visit, a gift, an email, a text. Simply take opportunities to connect with and appreciate those your care about.  We all feel a little more valuable when we realize that someone has been thinking of us.

5.  Talk a little less, listen a little more –  Our relationships will grow if we move away from being the talker and take the time to listen! A listening ear is the greatest gift we could give to those we love.

6.  Be Loyal – be the kind of person that believes the best about those you love. Everyone needs to know that someone “has their back”. Be that person.

7.  Pick your battlegrounds – don’t pick petty arguments. We aren’t always “right”.  Focus on the things that truly matter and let the small stuff go!

8.  Encourage and cheer them on –  be excited for those you love! Spur them on! Don’t look at their opportunities or dreams with the lens of what it will cost you, rather keep them the priority.

9.  Remember that everyone has baggage –  we all enter relationship with a suitcase filled with past experiences; successes, disappointments, hurts, etc.  Sometimes that “baggage” effects the relationship and needs to be addressed. However, using grace and understanding will always be the most fruitful approach.

10. Let go of friendships that are no longer healthy – some relationships can run their course and a necessary ending needs to take place. To force relationships to continue when the season is over can be exhausting and eventually more harmful than good.  Be willing to appreciate the relationship for what it was, and then release it and move forward.

Relationships are our most valuable assets and worth the effort to keep them strong and healthy! Test these tips out and see if they help create healthier interactions in your relationships!!  Flourish in the days ahead!!

Lessons From Misery Ridge~

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As a Coach I meet so many wonderful people. Janelle is one of them. Janelle lives in  Canada and after a year of coaching she came to Bend to visit with me. I wanted our time to be full of fun, good conversation, and activity; yet also inspirational.

After pedicures, shopping, good food and laughter, it was time to venture out!

Misery Ridge!!

It was early as we loaded up with water bottles and headed to Smith Rock. I told Janelle the hike would be challenging yet the view from the top would be well worth the climb. I think she believed me until she actually saw Misery Ridge and recognized just how difficult it would be.

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When we stood at the base of the mountain I told Janelle that we would break this hike into thirds and that we would think about different life challenges we were facing as we headed toward our goal to reach the top; imagining ourselves successful in facing those challenges as we conquered each phase of our hike!

We started out at a fairly fast pace; excited about moving forward! It wasn’t long before the altitude began to labor our breath. I asked Janelle if she wanted to turn back; we had made some good progress but were still far from the top. Should we go on or turn back?

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We discussed the value of the ultimate goal of reaching the top yet we realized it was going to be a greater challenge as the path got steeper; the footing more unsure.  This second part of the hike would require us to pace ourselves, to take longer breaks to catch our breath, and to be intentional with where we placed our feet. Off we went! Partway through this phase of our hike a big snake slithers out onto the path catching us off guard! Do we turn back?

Finally we reached place where we would begin the third part of the climb; the steepest part! Janelle was amazed at how far we had come yet still feeling caution about where we needed to go. Do we continue? Do we turn back?  Was this view really worth this effort?  After some good discussion we committed to the goal of reaching the top and pressed on.

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During this last phase of our “journey” the altitude was making it hard to breath and the shale on the path caused us to feel our feet slipping. We realized that this last push would require extra sure footing, that we would need to hold each others arms to prevent us from falling and getting hurt. Slowly and intentionally we made our way up the switchbacks towards our goal. Closer and closer, steeper and steeper! With a final push we rounded the corner and gazed at the glorious view from the top! Amazing!!  The success was thrilling! We were seeing a view from the top that many people will never see! We did it!!

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Our lives are a lot like a hike up Misery Ridge.  You start out full of excitement, goals, dreams~ ready to take on the world!  You can imagine your goals, you can visualize  conquering your challenges. Yet life starts to get hard, to required more stamina, or make you feel uncomfortable and there is a desire to abandon the very goals that mean so much to you.

As challenges come it’s important to pace yourself; catch your breath. Often times we expect so much of ourselves not recognizing the impact of “climbing higher”. We forget to nourish and replenish ourselves so that we can press on….one foot in front of the other. Often times, just like our surprise snake, obstacles make come out of nowhere~~Do we abandon our goals because of them?

I wonder how many people get to the last third of the Misery Ridge hike and turn back because they are too tired or afraid to climb higher? Right before they have the joy of that unprecedented view!!  How many of us get so close to reaching our personal goals, facing life long challenges, creating healthy relationships, or stepping into fresh dreams, and abandon them because it just feels impossible, right before we see success?

As Janelle and I learned; as it gets closer to the top, as the challenges get harder; you need the support of your fellow “climbers” to keep you from losing your footing, to encourage you to keep climbing; to press on! I would never climb Misery Ridge alone for that very reason!

I have to say that the BEST part of the climb is the celebration at the top! The joy of reaching the goal and the satisfaction that we didn’t quit!  Every person I have led to the top of Misery Ridge has been so glad that they didn’t turn back before seeing the view from the top!

Do you have dreams, goals you want to attain, challenges you must face? Are you halfway there? Turning the last difficult corner? Or have you just begun? Remember these few lessons from the mountain:

Pace yourself, stay hydrated, place your feet carefully, catch your breath, stay committed to looking forward; not back, and surround yourself with fellow climbers (healthy support systems) who can hold your arm if you slip and celebrate your WIN at the top!

You’ll never know what you’ll miss if you are afraid to “climb”.

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Daily Mentoring~

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“ If we waited for formal teaching moments to make a difference in the lives of others, most of us would miss the opportunity.”

Carol Kent, in her study Becoming A Woman of Influence, makes the point that in the normal routine of our lives, opportunities arise to impact those around us; to mentor others. We may simply miss these opportunities because we haven’t been formally invited into that role.   Sheryl Sandberg, in her book, Lean In, also discusses mentoring as a progression of our on-going relationships; that they develop naturally.

As a Professional Life Coach, I have the privilege to see the value of having someone in an “official role” in your life standing with you through key changes, challenges, and transitions in your life.  A coaching relationship may not develop naturally, rather it may be sought out.  It is an important and intentional role.

Mentoring, on the other hand can be expressed in small ways every day.

Growing up I was fortunate to have a grandmother who always spoke to me about the things she saw in my life that had promise. She took key opportunities to discuss ways to make good choices and to have confidence in myself.  She was my mentor.

When I was a young pastors wife in the tiny town of Susanville, CA I was facing the challenges of motherhood and church ministry. I happened to begin reading a monthly bible study in a Magazine called “Virtue”. The author, Nancie Carmichael, spoke about how we were loved and pursued by God.  She expressed my value as a woman and gave good teaching on how to walk through hard times.  She was my mentor.

In my life I have had numerous friends and colleagues who have been willing to engage in honest and meaningful dialogue with me.  These discussions have been a source of mentoring in my life.  Simply over coffee, walking the River Trail, or running together I have received precious nuggets of wisdom that have helped guide my steps.

In years past I had the joy of having a group of teen girls who I would meet with regularly.  We met this way for over 5 years.  We would have many talks about life, love, the future, God, and decision-making.  My focus on mentoring these lovely ladies was intentional and planned.  Yet, in my present day to day I find that if I am intentional to make every contact count with a word of encouragement, a positive suggestion, a helpful book recommendation, or even a thought provoking question; mentoring will happen~it flows naturally.

How about you?  In your daily life can you see opportunities around you to stir up good growth in others?  How meaningful would it be to make every connection count?

 Carol Kent shares a simple story in Becoming A Woman of Influence about a troubled and insecure teen girl who was contemplating suicide.  It was the last week of school and yearbooks were being signed.  “Meghan” asked her math teacher to sign her yearbook.  He wrote: “consider the lilies of the field, they sow not neither do they spin. Yet Solomon, in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.”  If God so clothed the grass in the field, shall He not much more clothe you Meghan? You have been a source of joy to me.  May you achieve your goals with joy!

                                                                                        Mr. Ottley

Her teacher was unaware of her emotional state but in a moment breathed life and hope where there had been none.  At his retirement party many years later, Meghan stood up and thanked Mr. Ottley for writing in her yearbook; it had changed her life.

Mr. Ottley was her mentor.

Mentoring can be that simple and profound!!  Today~see each interaction as an opportunity to breath life into those in your circle of influence and enjoy the adventure!