God

10 Tips To Help You Become An Unhappy Person

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We have all met people who are simply unhappy…..all the time.  What I have learned over time is that there are similarities between people who are chronically unhappy.  I would like to give you 10 quick steps to become an unhappy person yourself, read on!

1.  Look for the worst in every situation. Point out what’s not working, what’s not being done correctly, and why these things will never change.

2.  Worry about things you cannot change. Spend sleepless nights worrying about things you didn’t cause and cannot fix.  Worry about climate change and the government. Unhappy people fill their thoughts with what will go wrong rather than what could go right.

3.  Believe that most everyone cannot be trusted. Watch cautiously for people to want something from you.  Believe that everyone in your life is telling lies about you or to you.

4.  Spend enormous amounts of time on Social Media.  Compare your unhappy life with everyone else’s perfect life. Allow yourself to resent the happiness that others are experiencing. Compare everything from your body size to your pocketbook; recognize that life is just not fair.

5.  Refuse to exercise or eat well. Choose a sedentary life and fill your body with foods that make you feel tired and unhealthy.

6.  Fill your conversations with gossip and criticism. Spend the bulk of your time putting others down, making fun, and telling untruths.

7.  Set unrealistic goals and then fail at them all. To be truly unhappy, put undo pressure on yourself to real goals that stretch too far, too fast, and too costly.  Once you have failed at these you can berate yourself for the failure.

8.  Don’t get needed sleep.  Stay up late into the night on your computer and television. Sleep deprivation can be incredibly helpful on your goal to being a truly unhappy person.

9.  Worry about what everyone thinks about you. Fear anyone’s opinion, assume others don’t approve of you, and be certain that all those nameless, faceless people are talking poorly of you.

10.  Choose to do life without faith in an amazing God.  Allow yourself to believe that you were NOT created for a purpose.  Believe the lie that you are on this life journey alone.  Truly unhappy people are people without hope.

OR

Choose Happiness!

Do the opposite of each step!

Life is short~Live and love every day!

Happiness-is-a-choice

It is a New Year~What is your BHAG? Perhaps, hope?

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All my clients know that when January rolls around I will be asking them what their Big Hairy Audacious Goals will be for the coming year!! What goal or breakthrough will they focus on , believing that as they are faithful God will do the miraculous!!!

Hope is an amazing thing; it breathes life into our spirits!!  As you enter this new and amazing year; a year with no mistakes in it yet…..set your sights high, believe for miracles, look for breakthrough, find life balance amidst the busy life you live!!

Your faith, your story, your miracles with serve to encourage the hope in all those around you!! At the ripe old age of 55, I have learned that sometimes the miracles don’t get answered the way I expected!! The hope doesn’t always show up in the way I have mapped it out! But…the miracles do come and His hope does flood my soul.

This year, make hope your goal! He is with you. I wish you a wonderful- hopefilled New year!  Thanks for taking this journey called “life” with me!!

“Man can live about forty days without food, about three days without water, about eight minutes without air…but only for one second without hope.”

Hal Lindsey

A Posture of Gratefulness

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Forever Thankful

Being forever thankful,

Is what God wants from us,

Never forgetting from where we came,

Or His boundless, saving love

All of heavens blessings

Poured down from heavens gates,

Everything we have in life,

He’s given with extra grace

We need to always thank Him

For this, and so much more

Not only for tangible things,

But because He is our Lord.

As you enter into the season of Thanksgiving, whether facing joy or pain, may you never lose your gratefulness for who God is in your life. There’s powerful hope in a grateful posture.

He sees you.

He cares.

If you really knew me you would not like me……………..

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How many of us have made mistakes in our lives?  How many of us have baggage that plagues us? How many of us have heard the enemy whisper “if they really knew you they would not like you”?  I have.   This kind of shame can keep us locked up; unable and unwilling to step into opportunities simply because we ask ourselves the question “why me?, I am not worthy!”.

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Years ago I stood before the congregation of our large church where my husband was an Executive Pastor, I shared my story. Everyone has a story!  My story involved a history of a date rape and an abortion at 17 years old! Such a shock to so many that saw me, and my life as perfect; perhaps charmed.

After sharing my story I had over 75 women come to me privately and share that this was similar to their story and they felt shamed and broken! Oh, how the enemy loves to make us feel ruined, soiled, and without value!!  Here is the truth:

We have a God who is full of grace and mercy–God’s mercy is so much richer than the mercy we extend to one another. This is sad, but true!  All of us have regrets and areas of deep sadness. The truth is that our Savior is rich in love, mercy, and grace!

If this resonates with you. If you have challenges or have faced situations where your choices caused great harm; run to the giver of grace and forgiveness! He loves you more than you can ever know!

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Here’s what God’s word says:

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Isaiah 43:25-26

“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.  Review the past for me, let us argue the matter together; state the case for your innocence.

Isaiah 1:18

“Come now, let us reason together,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.
Today, sit with Him–let Him love you and breath fresh life into you–today is your day. He loves you.

Wonderfully Made~

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Give yourself permission to pause and declare with the psalmist, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” Psalm 139:14

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Can you list the many gifts and talents God has placed within you?  Do you give yourself permission to appreciate those elements inside of you that make you unique; special?  Do you say to yourself “I can’t focus on who I am. It’s selfish.” Feeling appreciative for who we are feels wrong somehow.

BUT…….

The truth is that choosing to embrace our value, all of who we are, is very unselfish as it maximizes our ability to serve others; to have on-going impact.  When we recognize our strengths we can find a way to use them well.  If you are gifted to write there are unlimited ways for you to to help others, if you are gifted with a strong detail orientation you can bring great value to a team, if you are gifted with a great voice you can use your gift to encourage others through song, and if you are gifted as a counselor or listener you can be a safe place for others to land; you can help people heal.

Certainly, there are areas of challenge in our lives and frankly, many of us find it easier to list our challenges rather than our strengths. Why is that?  How about taking some time to simply list the gifts God has placed inside of you, list also the ways that they are or could be expressed in your life. Get excited about the fact that you are Wonderfully Made!

“God thank you for creating me with gifts. I’m grateful for the strengths that you’ve placed within me and the ways those are expressed as actions through my skills. I humbly acknowledge that I do have something to offer and that you have made me to make a difference. Amen”                                                                                                        (Opening the Door to your God-sized Dream ~Holly Gerth)

Airports~~

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I’ve done a lot of airplane travel over the past year.  I remember as a kid the idea of flying on a plane caused me to much excitement that I could not sleep all night just thinking about my upcoming adventure.  Though I am thankful for the option of taking a flight rather than embarking on a LONG drive; I no longer find it thrilling.

One thing I find especially interesting is the magnitude of people; all walks of life, all ages, all religious beliefs, all occupations gathering in one place to get to and from business or family connections.  Does God have His eye on each one of them? Is He mindful of their lives?

As I look at each face I imagine what their life may be, where they are headed, or what their family may be like. Based on their clothes, accent, or age I come to my own conclusions about them.  Yet, I am quickly reminded that scripture is clear that ” man looks at the outer appearance, while God looks at the heart.”  Even if my conclusions are not in any way critical, I still don’t really know their story or the condition of their heart like God does.

Being at the airport reminds me again and again how big and broad God’s view of us is; my world and context is so small!  Being at the airport reminds me to try to see “other travelers” with Gods point of view and compassion.  Perhaps you have a place you frequent where people regularly gather; school, Starbucks, church, or even a park. When you look around at the faces, think about how God might see them. It will change your perspective as it has mine.

Just something to consider on this blustery Sunday. 🙂

We are HOME!!! :-)

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Honestly, I love the sound of a room full of people sharing a meal, conversation, and hearts!  Nothing fills my soul more!  It is with this heart that I decorated my wonderful new home.  I wanted a place where my loved ones felt at peace, cozy, and welcome.

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It was huge for me to create a space for any children that might enter my home; a place created JUST for them.  Imagine being a child coming into a home without a place to “hang”, to play??  I created that place.

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My husband and I are truly blessed to enjoy the home we have purchased; many miracles have brought us here.  Because of this we know this home will be rich with memories of laughter, tears, teaching, and prayer.

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How about you? Can you see your home as a place of love and warmth? Have you created an atmosphere that would welcome neighbors and friends alike?  Consider seeing your home as a place of love and outreach in a world that often times is cold and closed!

We are the light of the world…….our homes can be a great place to shine!

We are blessed and because of that we pray that we will also bless others.

Keys to key Relationships! (re-post)

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Building  Amazing Relationships!

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Relationships can bring us our greatest joys and our deepest wounds. We can’t control how others choose to respond in their relationships with us, but we can establish our own ground rules for having and maintaining quality relationships.

Below are some thoughts to consider as you navigate the relationships in your life:

1.  Surround yourself with positive people- finding like-minded, positive people will fill your cup. Spending the bulk of your time with those who suck the happiness out of you is unwise and unhealthy.

2. Accept people just the way they are – Save yourself the needless stress of trying to change people who don’t want to change. Fight the urge to engage in fruitless conversations, rather look for areas where you can agree and show support.

3. Forgive people and move forward –  holding anger or bitterness affects us much more than the individual we have been hurt by.  Forgiveness is not saying “What you did or said was okay.”  It is saying “I’m not going to let what you did ruin my happiness or steal my joy.” It doesn’t mean you forget it simply means that you choose to let go.

4.   Do little things for those in your life –  A card, a visit, a gift, an email, a text. Simply take opportunities to connect with and appreciate those your care about.  We all feel a little more valuable when we realize that someone has been thinking of us.

5.  Talk a little less, listen a little more –  Our relationships will grow if we move away from being the talker and take the time to listen! A listening ear is the greatest gift we could give to those we love.

6.  Be Loyal – be the kind of person that believes the best about those you love. Everyone needs to know that someone “has their back”. Be that person.

7.  Pick your battlegrounds – don’t pick petty arguments. We aren’t always “right”.  Focus on the things that truly matter and let the small stuff go!

8.  Encourage and cheer them on –  be excited for those you love! Spur them on! Don’t look at their opportunities or dreams with the lens of what it will cost you, rather keep them the priority.

9.  Remember that everyone has baggage –  we all enter relationship with a suitcase filled with past experiences; successes, disappointments, hurts, etc.  Sometimes that “baggage” effects the relationship and needs to be addressed. However, using grace and understanding will always be the most fruitful approach.

10. Let go of friendships that are no longer healthy – some relationships can run their course and a necessary ending needs to take place. To force relationships to continue when the season is over can be exhausting and eventually more harmful than good.  Be willing to appreciate the relationship for what it was, and then release it and move forward.

Relationships are our most valuable assets and worth the effort to keep them strong and healthy! Test these tips out and see if they help create healthier interactions in your relationships!!  Flourish in the days ahead!!

Being Family!

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It’s shocking but true, Family members don’t always get along!

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One of the most difficult matters to confront with respect to challenging family relationships is that we don’t control the entire relationship ourselves. Whether the relationship thrives or withers isn’t up to us alone. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango. So often, family members get stuck. Despite our best intentions, we can become stubborn and defensive with one another.

When major family relationship problems are encountered, it’s common to attempt a control strategy. We try to get the other person to change, to understand the situation from our point of view.  Sometimes this approach can work if we are compelling and sincere enough.  But many times it just leads to frustration.  A second strategy might be to simply accept the other person, difficulties and all, just as they are! Yet, this could also result in frustration, as there may not be any true resolve within our hearts.

There is, however, a third alternative for those times when changing the other person & accepting the other person as-is are both unfruitful. That option is to change us in order to solve the problem. This requires that we redefine the problem as an internal one instead of an external one; meaning that I must change my attitude and filter in order to understand my family member and their point of view.

As long as we keep looking outside ourselves for the answers, we may continually find ourselves frustrated by our family members choices or decisions; always finding conflict with OUR personal values and choices. Once we start looking inside ourselves for the problem, we might find it easier to bring resolution. This does not imply “agreement”, simply relational resolution.

If you’re fortunate enough to have a close family that is genuinely supportive of the person you are, that’s wonderful, and in that situation, you’ll likely find the closeness of your family to be a tremendous source of strength to you! However, in many families, not all members are close or in agreement as to how life should be lived; thus conflict can occur, values differences cause hurt.

So, if we find ourselves in a family where some of the members are experiencing distance or challenge, it may feel impossible to be conflict-free. However, if we keep an open mind and a forgiving spirit we will keep the count of offenses lower; which will ultimately help in keeping family peace.

One way of experiencing “Family” in a fresh way is to give ourselves the freedom to re-define family to include those with whom we share our lives; kindred relationships that often times feel closer than our natural born families.  To nurture these relationships and invite them into the gaps that have been left vacant by our natural born family members who have chosen to remain distant, can be incredibly sweet and ultimately, rewarding.

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My point is simply this: Life is short.  We are born into families and it is our responsibility to navigate them as best, as kindly, as honestly as we can. If we find that after all is said and done we cannot call those family relationships “close”…invite trusted, caring friends into your “family circle” and share your life richly with them.

As I said in my first paragraph:  “Whether the relationship thrives or withers isn’t up to us alone. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango.”  Do you feel connected to family? Have you sought understanding and clarity? Do you have others who love and care for you that have “become” family to you?  Life is short, family matters!

Paralyzing Fear~

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I had it all planned out! Three glorious days in the sun and then I’d fly into Bend from Seattle around 11:30 pm Friday night.  There was clearly enough time to get a good nights rest, get up early on Saturday, and attend our son’s graduation from George Fox University (Redmond Campus) where he was receiving his Masters in Education.

It was 11:30 pm in Seattle when they cancelled the flight! ( I had already been waiting for the flight for 4 hours!) We were politely told that the airline would pay for our hotel and that we would get home safe and sound around 4:30 pm Saturday. Um….no….may son is graduating at 9am!!

Tears began to trickle down my face as I beat myself up for having even gone away for a few days! If I thought this could happen I would never have gone!! Two sweet young gals in line began asking me why I was so full of tears; they were so compassionate.  As we neared the desk to receive our vouchers for our hotel I had a gal from the airline tap me on the shoulder asking if I was the lady with the son graduating in the morning?

Apparently, one of the young gals in line had gone over to the gate where they were boarding the last passengers who were headed to Eugene.  This 11:45 flight had ONE seat left. This young lady had appealed on my behalf and got me on that last seat on that plane! Remarkable! I was so grateful.

So, Plan B:  I will get to Eugene, rent a car, get a room, sleep a little and then head to Redmond for the graduation!!  Uh – oh~ got to Eugene, it’s 12:15 am and they can’t find a car to rent to me!  Finally~ I drive away from the airport in a sturdy SUV in search of a room for the night!   It’s 12:30. After an exhaustive search I find that there is no room in Eugene because 7,000 women have gathered for a Beth Moore conference!!

Now my cell phone is almost without power so I don’t want to go over the Cascades alone at 1:00 am -alone-without a phone! Plan C~  I decide to take Hwy 5 and head to Salem, get a room for a couple hours, rest, and then head to Redmond for the graduation.  After a long drive I arrive in Salem around 2:45 am.  I have a tiny bit of power on my phone and I see a message from my husband letting me know that he has been calling all over town and there is only ONE hotel room in Salem, it is reserved for me.  I have no idea where the hotel is and now my phone is dead!  I look for something that is open to ask for directions but I find nothing.  Literally~ I pulled over to the side of the road-tired & scared- and I cry out to God begging for Him to help me! Crazy as it sounds I immediately felt a fresh sense of resolve, drove a couple of blocks and saw the lights of the Hotel I was looking for!

At 3:30am I clicked off the light thanking God for this much needed rest and for His hand of safety over me. Up at 5:30 and off to Redmond for Dave’s graduation; got there 15 minutes early!! Cried the moment I saw him standing there in his cap and gown!

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I know this is a long story; but there is a big part that I left out of the details.

  All of my life I have been unable to drive in uncertain places, especially at night. Navigating the unknown has thrown me into panic attacks….so I never even attempt it, an embarrassing and crippling fear!  This crazy fear has kept me from many wonderful road trips, adventures, and business opportunities.  I had no idea that God was going to “give me the opportunity ” to address this fear so dramatically but He sure did!

I learned a lot about myself that night but more about God~He never left me, His comfort over-whelmed me, His favor blessed me, and (with help from my hubby) God even got me to the Hotel! Best of all~I made it to graduation in the nick of time! 🙂

Perhaps you have a fear that paralyzes you, like I do.  I pray you can believe that if you are  given the “opportunity” to address it God will never leave your side, and He will make you stronger and more able!

“Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.”  Deuteronomy 31:8