grace

We can lead better!

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The idea of being on a church staff was thrill to my 26 year old self. My husband and I could spend all of our time loving on people and helping them come to a place where they understood how much God loved them and also how great the sacrifice Christ had made for us all so that we could be forgiven! What an amazing calling!!

And then reality set in, a bit of a wake-up call for our young, passion-filled hearts! There were times when we got behind the leadership veil we saw ego, arrogance, and manipulation.   We were so confused as we truly believed those who “followed” God’s calling would always be mindful of their treatment of people; they would be kinder and more gracious than others.  But, unfortunately it was not always so and good people were damaged as a result.

THIS is why we originally began coaching ministry leaders, we were and are passionate about helping them lead and finish well—having a positive impact, and leaving a legacy of faithfulness, goodness, and generosity.

In  recent days we have watched another precious leader have his integrity challenged and legacy deterred. Arrogant leaders have displaced him and, frankly, we are so grieved. Character assassination is a dangerous tool of the enemy, unfortunately some leaders fall prey to its temptation.

As leaders we can do better, we must do better because the “fall-out” from self serving leadership is so harmful for the Body of Christ.  It’s a little like trying to put feathers back into a feather pillowcase ~ you can’t re-gather them all, the harm is done.

Jeremiah 9:24 “ ‘…but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,’ declares the Lord.”

 

How, then, Shall We Respond?

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It’s been a challenging season for the United States.

Political unrest, upsurge in racial violence, and random attacks have caused fear and anger all across the land.   People distrusting one another,  speaking poorly of one another, and vicious verbage on Twitter and other social media.  Fear abounds.

Yesterday, waiting in a long line at the Post Office, I had a chance to listen to the numerous conversations around me.  People were irritable, frustrated, critical, and even unkind. I was sad to “hear’ the anger in their voices. Anxiousness and fear abounds.

My dear friend and writer Alisa Nicuad puts it this way in her blog

“3 Ways to Overcome Fear”:

Disaster. Shootings. Deadly diseases.

Every day in the news we hear of lurking threats that could have the potential to strike fear in our hearts. We fear for our country, ourselves and our children. The path our world is headed leaves us vulnerable to anxiety and fear. It’s not just my opinion. It’s a fact.

The National Center for Health Statistics released a report in 2011 stating that 1 in 10 Americans age 12 and older are taking some sort of antidepressant. This is an increase of 400% in a 10 year period (1988-2008). It is now the 3rd most prescribed medication in our country.

Why do I mention that?

Because it’s clear we are having a hard time dealing with the world we live in. Our minds have difficulty dealing with all the tragedy and instabilities. So what can we do?

How, then, should we respond?

There is something called “righteous anger” that fuels us to take a stand for things that matter, to stand for what it good and right.  However, rage and anger only causes dissention, reaction, offenses, and the inability to reason or work together. Fear is often at the core of anger.

What if we chose kindness?

What if we chose to understand? What if we chose proactive behaviour? What if we linked arms to find a way to work together?  What if this was the churches finest hour?  What if we chose grace rather than anger?  What if?……..

If Christ is our example we can see that He “drew” people to Him.  He showed such restraint and grace while believing that troubled people, finding Him, could and would experience peace and real change!  Can we also believe that as we show grace and kindness that other’s might see that same spirit in us during this time of turmoil?

How, then, shall we respond?

Ask yourself. I am asking myself too.

The Election~ yep, I’m going there….

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Imagine a huge earthquake hits the Northwest; buildings collapse, people are injured, food and electricity are sparse, and getting fresh water is an incredible challenge.  I can predict that everyone in every community would attempt to work together, side by side, to care for the needs of those within their reach. I can visualize people opening their homes, sharing what they have, and lending emotional support.   As humans we have a natural tendency to set aside our differences in a crisis.   In a crisis situation the most important focus is helping people regardless of race, gender, income, spiritual beliefs, and yes, even political persuasion.

However, in this heated political season folks with opposing beliefs, are engaging in critical commentary, vicious responses, and fierce accusations between themselves. There is hateful rhetoric flying freely and I am left to wonder, “What’s missing in this season?”

Recently I listened to a great message by Andy Stanley on this very issue and he brought to light what is missing:

The generation that’s coming along behind us are going to take their cue from us. And here’s the cue we’re giving them: ‘Oh my goodness, if we don’t get the right person elected in office, it’s the end of the world. If we don’t fix the economy, it’s the end of the world. If we don’t have religious freedom like my mamma and my grandmama had religious freedom, it’s the end of the world. …

“Nothing could be further from the truth. Government matters. Policies matter. But neither of those matter as much as men and women who understand this word:  Faith“

Politics have always been dicey, there’s always been a tiring season of speeches, advertisements, and promises made.  I remember hearing the same things when I was just a little girl  watching the news with my parents. Politics have always created conflict.

My concern is the division we allow it to create in our assumptions that in this process God doesn’t still call us to love people, to speak kindly to others, and to give grace to one another.  I imagine He actually wants us to apply theses things in even greater measure.

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.  And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that.  And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.”Luke 6: 32-34

This is a season for us to remember two things:

  1.  God is still in control.
  2.  People really matter.

Andy Stanley’s final quote was this:

“Republican, Democrat, left or right, we’re all precious in His sight.   This political season is an opportunity for us to showcase our political diversity in a way that honors The God who made us so diverse.  If we get this right, we’ll learn something. We’ll become a more generous and loving people. If we get it wrong, we’ll be an average church.”

How has this political climate affected you? are you anxious? fearful? angry? disengaged? Perhaps it’s time to take a step back, catch your breath, remember how fortunate we are to “get” to make a choice, and choose to trust in God’s promises again.

“Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

 

 

 

The Rules of the Club~

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I was about 5 years old when my parents began to attend a wonderfully energetic Assembly of God church.  Each week a large choir belted out anthems while attenders sang along with hands raised in worship; engaging, emotional, and even a little bit loud! We went to church early each Sunday for Sunday School, coffee and goodies in between, and then the larger church service till noon; we would return again in the evening for another engaging service as well as popping in on Wednesday nights for classes and connection. Those were the expected rules of attendance. I am grateful for my heritage and the many things I learned over the years. But, there were many rules for those in the club:  no dancing, no alcohol, no playing cards, no going to the movies, no wearing pants to church, etc.  None of the rules were damaging except that I was convinced they were “God’s rules” in order to be acceptable to Him.

Imagine my surprise when, as an adult, when my husband and I pastored churches and eventually began to Coach pastors from every denomination and non-denomination.  I began to see that each church group has their own rules for their club.  The “rules” weren’t necessarily harmful but it was important to know what the rules were in order to be fully accepted into the “club”. Often the rules were non-negotiable.

About 10 years ago I met a young gal, pierced and tattooed.  A really kind-hearted, friendly young gal.  We chatted a bit each week as she shared some of the challenges she was experiencing in her life; I would always encourage her to find a church to attend in hopes that she would find the answers she needed for her life.  I was really excited the day she expressed that she had been to church over the weekend. With teary eyes she spoke of how the songs that had been sung really touched her heart, the teaching she heard really made her think and long for something new. At the close of the service there had been an opportunity for anybody wanting a fresh start to come to the front to pray with a leader there.  She said she almost ran to the front.  As she shared her vulnerable heart that day, the leader looked at her as tenderly as she could and let this young girl know that God did really love her BUT that those piercings and tattoos were truly not acceptable.  She left the church brokenhearted that day.  Oops…She did’nt know the rules of the club.

Certainly any organization–churches or businesses –will have their own personality, themes, rules, and ways to navigate ongoing interactions.  My only caution would be this:  Let’s be careful that we don’t keep people out or at a distance because they don’t abide by all the rules that have been established. Let’s not let our “rules” keep others from knowing and experiencing the gracious and inclusive love of our God.  Let’s make sure the rules we establish are truly from Him.

…..one thing I know for certain, her tattoos and piercings didn’t matter to God. I think He cried that day.

 

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Some Relationships are Worth Extra Effort~

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Do you hate conflict? I sure do!! I used to run from it for many years; never expressing myself, wanting to please and appease! But I have learned two things:

1.  It’s so important to address challenges/disagreements in relationships.

2.  It’s so important to be willing to be humble to “not be right” in order to maintain relationships that DO matter.

In my life I am clearly aware that I have friendships/relationships that I want to, well, last forever.  There are times, even in those key relationships, that there may be disagreements.  How do we navigate some of those challenges without losing the friendship? Well, I am still learning.

There are times when it’s important to set boundaries on toxic or untrustworthy relationships…but there are also times when we might want to walk away from a relationship where there has been a challenge and yet, we know in our hearts we want them in our life!

Questions we can ask ourselves in these instances are these:

1. Though there may be a conflict right now, would I be saddened to lose my relationship because of our present challenge?

2.  Could there be a bridge built in our relationship if I humble myself and try to understand the heart and season of my friend?

3. Can I extend grace and am I willing to move forward?

Relationships are so important, take care, wisdom, and a humble heart to navigate~~ but they are worth it!!!

Proverbs 17:17A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.

John 15:13“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

We can be so clumsy~

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I love the Christmas season; it can be such a joy-filled time.  But, every Christmas hasn’t been a time of celebration for me; there have been a Christmas or two that have been really tough to get through. The darkest Christmas season for me was the first year after my dearly loved nephew had passed away.  My heart was broken and full of unanswered questions. Celebrating felt odd, it felt wrong.

Over the past month I have seen many blogs expressing that we need to be especially careful and mindful of those who are experiencing a Christmas season that is full of difficulty.  Sending “Merry Christmas” cards may not be the best choice.  Pictures of all our happy celebrations on Facebook might be insensitive….

Certainly, it is valuable and necessary to celebrate joy, to share love with those around us, and to express thankfulness for all the blessings in our lives BUT how do we do that while being kindly sensitive?

I don’t have all the right answers, but I think we can be clumsy.  I would never infer that we would choose to be insensitive; yet I think that we can be…especially in this season. Perhaps, if we just asked the Lord for extra wisdom He can help us navigate this season with celebration and grace.

For the mother that just lost her child, for the woman whose husband is suffering, for the family that just lost their home, for the couple whose marriage feels hopeless, and for those who are simply lonely……I will try not to be clumsy with your heart; especially in this season.  Please forgive me if I miss the mark.  😦

Let it go, Let it go, That perfect girl is gone!

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Since last November lots of young girls have been holding their hair brushes and singing at the top of their lungs, “Let it go, Let it go”!!  Parents, teachers, and even youth leaders have expressed weariness to hearing this sung over and over and over again!  Knowing this I have taken time to listen to how young girls sing this song and I have been amazed!  Evey time I hear a young girl sing this song, she revs up her emphasis and volume when she sings the verse, ” Let it go, Let it go. I’ll rise like the break of dawn! Let it go, Let it go! That perfect girl is gone!! Here I stand in the light of day! Let the storm rage on, the cold never bothered me anyway!!  Why do you think this is?

Let me share some insights.  As women, young or old, we want to be accepted; to be liked.  We get wounded when we are rejected or misjudged.  Often we hide who we really are in order to appear perfect, and judge ourselves more harshly than anyone else when we feel we don’t measure up to the perfection we expect from ourselves!!

It makes sense that young girls love to “shout” the words to the song “That perfect girl is gone” because it feels freeing to act like we simply do not care what people think, but we do!!

I have written about this before but it bears repeating; we won’t please all the people all the time!  We won’t always measure up to the expectations of others, and as hard as we try we will not achieve perfection!

So here’s what is true~~ God has poured good gifts into us all.  His love is laced with grace, forgiveness, and hope. Every day is a new beginning and we are saved by grace –not perfect works!!

So, my ladies~~ young and old~~ you don’t need to be perfect to be crazy loved by your Lord!! He thinks you are precious beyond measure! Embrace these thoughts today!!

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

“In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins” 1 John 4:10

These thoughts were on my heart today; I pray you are encouraged by them!!

When People Leave Your Church~

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It’s unavoidable.  People will leave our churches. Whether we are the Pastor of the church or part of the congregation; we will all see people decide to choose to be a part of another church.  Sometimes they will have valid reasons and sometimes they won’t. Nonetheless people will leave.  Terms like, ” I’m not being fed”, “The church is just getting too big”,”I don’t agree with everything that’s being preached”, or “My needs aren’t being met” are fairly common reasons people give.  In regions where there isn’t an abundance of churches to choose from, many will stay in their congregations and work through the challenges.  However, in mainstream America changing churches is a fairly common practice.

As I write I don’t really want to speak to “why” people leave~~ because I don’t want to indict anyone for leaving or praise anyone for remaining. There are so many factors involved as to the reasons why! No matter how amazing your church is, people will sometimes leave.  What I would like to take a moment to address is HOW we as church leaders or church members ought to respond when those we love choose to leave.

1.  Choose to be un-offendable.  At the end of the day, we simply don’t own anyone.  It hurts to feel like our church is not longer their preferred choice.  It hurts when we have poured into someone’s life in an intentional way and they simply walk away.  However, if they leave they are still part of the larger Body of Christ, and we are still called to love them.

2.  Don’t shut the door!  Often time people will leave only to experience some real growth in their lives and they may want to come back.  I have seen this so often.  If you have relationally closed the door; their ability to navigate re-entry will be awkward and painful.  As Christ followers we aren’t called to punish anyone who is trying to find the best solutions for their spiritual walk.  Christ always responds to us with his arms outstretched, so must we.

3.  Pray for them.  If we choose to be hurt and offended, we will find it very difficult to pray for those who leave.  However, we are called to love–to love even those who hurt us. When we pray that those who leave our church will continue to grow, will find connection, and will stay strong in their faith, we will find that our hearts have more compassion than angst.

4.  Protect their reputation.  We need to be so careful that in our hurt we don’t damage the reputation of those that leave our church.  We must understand that we may not have all the facts; there may be solid reasons that leaving would be best.  What we do know is that we are often warned about how we use our tongues.  God knows what injury can be caused by what we say.  People are watching us as believers; when we throw each other under the bus, it reflects so poorly to those who are looking to us to be different.

5. Extend Grace.  When people leave our churches it does hurt.  Having worked with hundreds of church leaders I can tell you that it is incredibly discouraging.  Watching people leave a church prematurely, year after year, wears on the pastors’ emotions; it hurts.  Nonetheless, we are all people in need of grace.  In a practical way, when you see someone who has left your church in a social setting; don’t ignore them or go the other way! Let’s be people whose hearts are big enough to walk across the aisle and extend the hand of friendship. Christ does that for us every single day!

At the end of the day–it’s inevitable–people will leave our churches.  What might it look like if we choose ahead of time to follow these 5 steps?  How different might the outcome be?  Having been in the ministry for so many years I have been on both sides of this coin so I know it’s challenging.

Is there anyone that God dropped into your heart as you were reading this?  any bridge that might need to be rebuilt?  If it is at all possible with you ~~~ be at peace with everyone.  🙂

If you really knew me you would not like me……………..

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How many of us have made mistakes in our lives?  How many of us have baggage that plagues us? How many of us have heard the enemy whisper “if they really knew you they would not like you”?  I have.   This kind of shame can keep us locked up; unable and unwilling to step into opportunities simply because we ask ourselves the question “why me?, I am not worthy!”.

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Years ago I stood before the congregation of our large church where my husband was an Executive Pastor, I shared my story. Everyone has a story!  My story involved a history of a date rape and an abortion at 17 years old! Such a shock to so many that saw me, and my life as perfect; perhaps charmed.

After sharing my story I had over 75 women come to me privately and share that this was similar to their story and they felt shamed and broken! Oh, how the enemy loves to make us feel ruined, soiled, and without value!!  Here is the truth:

We have a God who is full of grace and mercy–God’s mercy is so much richer than the mercy we extend to one another. This is sad, but true!  All of us have regrets and areas of deep sadness. The truth is that our Savior is rich in love, mercy, and grace!

If this resonates with you. If you have challenges or have faced situations where your choices caused great harm; run to the giver of grace and forgiveness! He loves you more than you can ever know!

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Here’s what God’s word says:

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Isaiah 43:25-26

“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.  Review the past for me, let us argue the matter together; state the case for your innocence.

Isaiah 1:18

“Come now, let us reason together,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.
Today, sit with Him–let Him love you and breath fresh life into you–today is your day. He loves you.

Wonderfully Made~

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Give yourself permission to pause and declare with the psalmist, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” Psalm 139:14

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Can you list the many gifts and talents God has placed within you?  Do you give yourself permission to appreciate those elements inside of you that make you unique; special?  Do you say to yourself “I can’t focus on who I am. It’s selfish.” Feeling appreciative for who we are feels wrong somehow.

BUT…….

The truth is that choosing to embrace our value, all of who we are, is very unselfish as it maximizes our ability to serve others; to have on-going impact.  When we recognize our strengths we can find a way to use them well.  If you are gifted to write there are unlimited ways for you to to help others, if you are gifted with a strong detail orientation you can bring great value to a team, if you are gifted with a great voice you can use your gift to encourage others through song, and if you are gifted as a counselor or listener you can be a safe place for others to land; you can help people heal.

Certainly, there are areas of challenge in our lives and frankly, many of us find it easier to list our challenges rather than our strengths. Why is that?  How about taking some time to simply list the gifts God has placed inside of you, list also the ways that they are or could be expressed in your life. Get excited about the fact that you are Wonderfully Made!

“God thank you for creating me with gifts. I’m grateful for the strengths that you’ve placed within me and the ways those are expressed as actions through my skills. I humbly acknowledge that I do have something to offer and that you have made me to make a difference. Amen”                                                                                                        (Opening the Door to your God-sized Dream ~Holly Gerth)