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“Measuring” my Life~

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Sunday morning as I entered my church service I noticed that there were paper measuring tapes on each seat in the room.  Certainly seeing them lying there made me curious about how they would factor into our morning together.  As our Pastor began to share a passionate message he asked us all to take our measuring tapes and make a tear on the number of the age we are today.  We did it; he asked us to drop it over our shoulder because it represented our past.  Then, he requested that we take the rest of the tape and make a tear at the number (age) we would like to be on our last day on earth; lots of people were making a tear anywhere between 80-90.

Now, I recognize that only God knows the time we have left but it was a good exercise to walk through.  For those who were young, their remaining tape was long with many years ahead.  I am 57 so the take was significantly shorter than the college students nearby.  My mother, who was sitting beside me and is in her 80’s passed me her remaining tape and it was significantly smaller than mine.  This visual really gripped my heart and has caused me to ponder my remaining days…..

What kind of impact will my life have in my remaining years?  How will I use the time I have left to make a difference in the world around me? How can I be certain not to waste even one day on trivial pursuits? Seeing my relatively short measuring tape really brought these questions to the forefront of my mind.

A blog post by Max Lucado caught my eye this morning as it spoke to living a life that makes a difference, I just has to share it with you!

Today I Will Make A Difference. by Max Lucado

Today I Will Make A Difference
Today I will make a difference. I will begin by controlling my thoughts. A person is the product of his thoughts. I want to be happy and hopeful. Therefore, I will have thoughts that are happy and hopeful.

I refuse to be victimized by my circumstances. I will not let petty inconveniences such as stoplights, long lines, and traffic jams be my masters.

I will avoid negativism and gossip. Optimism will be my companion, and victory will be my hallmark. Today I will make a difference.
I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me. Time is a precious commodity. I refuse to allow what little time I have to be contaminated by self-pity, anxiety, or boredom. I will face this day with the joy of a child and the courage of a giant.

I will drink each minute as though it is my last. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. While it is here, I will use it for loving and giving. Today I will make a difference.
I will not let past failures haunt me. Even though my life is scarred with mistakes, I refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failures. I will admit them. I will correct them. I will press on. Victoriously. No failure is fatal. It’s OK to stumble…I will get up. It’s OK to fail…I will rise again.

Today I will make a difference.
I will spend time with those I love. My spouse, my children, my family. A man can own the world but be poor for the lack of love. A man can own nothing and yet be wealthy in relationships. Today I will spend at least five minutes with the significant people in my world. Five quality minutes of talking or hugging or thanking or listening. Five undiluted minutes with my mate, children, and friends.
Today I will make a difference.

Psalm 90-12     “So teach us to consider our mortality, so that we might live wisely. ”

 

 

Lifegiving Words~

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“The words that people say to us not only have shelf life but the ability to shape life.” Bob Goff

I was a tired young mommy as I grabbed a grocery cart that Monday morning.  My son was 2 months old and far from sleeping through the night.  I spent many of my days in my sweats and a T-shirt as I navigated my new role as a mother; nursing, diapers, laundry, nursing, diapers, dinner….you get the picture!  I loved my new role and my little guy but, clearly, I was tired.

On this particular day I had the opportunity to shower, put on “real clothes”, and head out to grocery shop all on my own.  I was feeling a little refreshed, happy, and actually excited to be out and about.  I think it was somewhere near the milk and cheese aisle when a woman came around the corner, smiled at me, patted my tummy, and asked me when my baby was due!   Right now you are thinking “Oh no!”  right?   Though she meant no ill will, my day was hugely impacted by her misplaced words. I was dashed!

Our words hold a great deal of power to bring encouragement or hurt, to breathe life or suck the air out of a room.  I wish I could say I’ve always been great in using my words for good.  In those moments where I’ve been sharp or unkind there has never been a positive outcome! Never!

Author Michael Hyatt says ” Our words carry enormous weight. More than we sometimes think. They often impact people for decades, providing the courage to press on or one more reason to give up.”

We are human, fallible, and do say careless words. However, we should always strive to choose our words well and wisely.  That little phrase that says “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is a really good measurement for us all.  How do I want to be spoken to?

Am I saying that our words must always be cheery, happy, and encouraging? No. There are times when we will find ourselves in conflicts.  I would suggest that we speak what is true with good timing and tone; with a desire for understanding and clarity.  Words spoken in anger are like little daggers, they’ll eventually have to be pulled out and given time to heal ~ we’ve all felt them and said them ourselves.

Benjamin Franklin said something really insightful, “Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”

Be the source of encouragement and “life” to somebody today!

(oh, and I just smiled at the lady in the milk aisle and said I that I already had my little guy weeks ago.  By the embarressed look on her face I probably should have just smiled and kept walking; I think her day was impacted too.)

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What will be said of Me?

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I have a wonderful privilege of gathering with some amazing women every other week to spend time talking about the things that we care deeply about.  We discuss the season of life we are presently in and look for quality ways to navigate the many challenges and opportunities we encounter everyday. We talk about learning to say our “best yes”, to make sure we find ways to re-fuel in order to be the best version of ourselves, and we look at focusing on those things we consider the highest priorities at this time, using them as a good filter when choosing how to best use our time.  These conversations are always rich and encouraging.

Last night we spent our time talking about Legacy.  We were all able to point to a person in our life who impacted us in a powerful way. Each one of us teared up simply talking about it! We could clearly see that without the gift of that person having touched our lives we would not be the women we are today.  Then we turned our attention to the fact that each one of us could be “that” person in someone’s life.  Down the road when a group of women gather, perhaps our name with be the one mentioned when expressing appreciation for key impact on their lives.  This is what leaving a Legacy looks like.  Lasting impact.

In a small study written by Dr. James Dobson, he expresses Legacy this way:

“Legacy is what future generations recall about you. You are a patriarch or a matriarch and your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren will take what you have done with your life and build on their own lives.  It is the continuation of your ministry and influence (both positive and negative) beyond your lifetime, reflecting what you value and what you believe is important.”

Wow, does that mean that the choices, behaviours, values, and traditions we do ( or don’t) intentionally choose will be passed on to our future family? You bet!  Think about your family of origin; is there a legacy you feel compelled to carry forward?  Perhaps that legacy was unhealthy and you now have the chance to make choices that will turn it around in your generation.  Choosing to leave a good and lasting Legacy requires intentionality, long-term vision, strong values, and time spent building rich relationships.  We all have a choice as to the Legacy we leave behind.

Look at your life today and answer this question: “Who influenced you to be who you are today and how does their Legacy encourage you to leave behind a Legacy that continues to bear good fruit in the lives of those you dearly love? Take time to write out the type of Legacy you would like to leave behind and then make choices consistent with your hearts desire.  🙂

“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.” ~ Shannon L. Alder

Help! Help! Help!

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This has been a relationally rich summer. Greg and I have had the joy to host clients, family, and friends in our home every other week since the first of June!  What a privilege to share our lives and to engage in “shoulder to shoulder” activities with them all.  These sweet times truly enrich our lives and I believe, theirs as well!!

Recently, one of our visitors swam farther than they were equipped to swim.  We were at a mountain lake and he  challenged himself to swim across the lake to an area where he could rest upon a floating dock. However, the ladder to the dock had fallen deep to the bottom of the lake. uh oh!  After trying unsuccessfully to climb up on the floating dock he decided to swim back to shore.  Halfway back his legs cramped and shut down having been affected by the cold water and fatigue!    At first he said, “I need help” which quickly turned to a cry!  “HELP!”…..”HELP!”……”HELP!”

It was surreal to see our friend truly struggling to survive. His plea for help became more and more emphatic….he was sinking and he knew it.   My husband heard the cries of his friend and he knew he needed to make every effort to help his friend survive!! Before he sank under the water, Greg jumped in, swam to his friend, held him above the water  leading him to safety.  After resting along the shore, our friend regained his strength and went on to have a wonderful day. Nevertheless, witnessing this experience shook us all up and left me with a clearer understanding about some real live truths. Our friend did nothing wrong, yet LIFE happened uexpectantly and he was wise enough to have not been alone!

We were never meant to “do life” alone.  We weren’t created to depend only on ourselves.  We have been designed to walk through this life in community and with accountability.  The scenario at the lake would have ended differently if our friend had been there alone! Fortunately, he had not made that unwise choice.  We all need to have people around us that want us to survive and thrive! People who will jump in and carry us if needed when we cry out for help!

When we withdraw and silo ourselves from the support and safety of wise counselors we can tend to gravitate toward treacherous waters….to stinking thinking, compromised choices, and unhealthy commitments.  To be protected from these things we need quality people in our lives who can recognize the “danger” and help us to stay on the safe shore.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 says  “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”

Proverbs 15:22 says “Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success.”

Proverbs 27:6 says The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”

Think about your life today.  Do you have people around you who want to see you stay above water?  Do you have those who are willing to help when you feel like you are drowning in the challenges of life?  If you do then you are richly blessed.  If you do not I sincerely encourage you to be committed to creating a circle of connection in the days ahead.   Just like our friend on the lake…..if you are alone in a crisis, you need to have support.  We were meant to do life together! 🙂

We need Sage Seniors~

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Last night my husband and I led a marriage event at our local church. We were teaching couples in the “Art” of Active Listening.  I had imagined that the bulk of our attendance would be younger couples eager to tackle the challenges of  newer marriages.  Imagine my surprise when numerous mature couples began to fill the building.  I was very blessed to recognize that these older folks still wanted to work on their marriages! wow!  I can only imagine the example this set for our younger generation.  We need our sage seniors in our lives!

I was tickled that my own parents who have been married 60 years attended this event led by us, their own kids!  In talking with them they expressed sincerely that they felt the tool we were teaching would bring value to them as well.  The interesting twist here is this:  one of the couples at our table whose relationship has been a very difficult one, made the effort to come but had nowhere for their 4 month old baby.  My mother, sensing the need for this couple to have an opportunity to grow, asked to hold this little girl who fell asleep in her arms for 90 minutes, giving them a chance to focus on their relationship. The young mom cried tears of gratefulness for the love she had been shown.  We need sage seniors in our lives!

I am certain that God intended us to have impact far into our twilight years.  I believe our impact can only be richer, wiser, and more valuable.   For those of you who are presently Sage Seniors I ask that you continue to pour into our lives. Pray for us and speak wisdom into our life situations.  For those of us who are knocking on the door of our seniors years I ask that we keep looking for places to have impact, to mentor, to use the lessons we’ve learned to help others.  For the younger generation I would challenge you to seek out the wisdom of those seniors in your sphere of life.  In areas of finances, marriage, or faith, these sage seniors in your life can help you to miss some of the mistakes others have made.

Psalm 92:14

They will still yield fruit in old age; They shall be full of sap and very green.

Job 12:12

“Wisdom is with aged people, With long life comes understanding.

Such a great reminder! 🙂

Navigating Transitions~

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Life transitions have a crazy way of causing some emotional imbalance–for almost all of us! Transitions, even happy ones, can be stressful and bring up some surprising mixed emotions.  These reactions can often time come as a surprise to us, causing us to feel especially sensitive for seemingly “no reason at all.” Moving to a new city, becoming a parent, selling the family home, transitioning from one job to another, marriage, or a personal loss can all create the opportunity for us to feel imbalanced for a while.

I graduated from my University, married, moved away from my family and friends to a new city, and became a mother within a 16 month period of time. Even though there was so much that was good and new –my equilibrium was off and I had to find a way to create a new normal for myself.  It was an emotional time.  My life since that time has had numerous changes and transitions. Each time it gets a little easier to understand how these transitions affects me and I work harder at being proactive during this time.  I am going to pass a few of these tips on to you!

1.  Transitions can shake your sense of IDENTITY.    It’s natural for us to define ourselves by the job we have, church we attend, neighborhood we live in, family we belong to, or financial status we have known.  When these kinds of elements get shaken up we have to find a new normal.  During this particular time, be gracious with yourself and others, remain consistent to keep your spiritual/self-care routines in place, and  surround yourself with life-giving people. These efforts will remind you that you are not defined by external titles or experiences.

2. A transition can be a wonderful opportunity for GROWTH.  Sometimes transitions give us an opportunity to see areas of ourselves that need attention. Fear, lack of faith, uncertainty, even anger have roots in us somewhere. Being keenly aware of ourselves in this season we can take a good look at these responses and begin to take some steps to address and challenge ourselves to grow. Transitions are a great time to begin new habits.

3. Keep reminding yourself WHY you chose this transition.  In my coaching I encourage my clients to assess their current situation and cast a clear vision for where they want to go.  Though this kind of thinking can take take time and consideration; the greater challenge is in the in-between…actually applying the steps that will make the transition complete.  Matthew Kelly in his book “Leading Through Change” says, “It is often said that people hate change, but that is not true.  People love change; they just don’t like the time of transition.”  If, during our transition we keep the end goal in sight, celebrate incremental changes along the way, and remind ourselves of the fruitfulness of our transition, we will navigate this time so much better.  However, I have also walked through seasons where I didn’t choose the transition, wouldn’t have asked for it, and didn’t understand it’s value at the time. Yet, in hindsight I have learned to find the value even in those tough situations. I call those moments “looking for the pony in the poop”.  There is always something to learn, nuggets of growth, even in un-chosen transition.

4.  Remember your past transitions and apply some of the skills you learned during that time.  No matter what our lives look like, we have all walked through transitions since we were children.  There are ways that we have responded, lessons we have learned, and maturity gained that, if we reflect on those times, can even give us keen insight to our present transition.  I love to journal for this reason in that it captures past responses in my life reminding me of tools and understanding gained during a previous transitional time.

5.  Don’t leave God out of the equation.  No one cares or knows us more than our heavenly Father.  Draw close to him in these time.  Sit still with Him; breath and wait.  Trust that He will see you through.

Transitions can be invigorating, uncertain, challenging, even terrifying for some.  Yet, we all face transitions.  May you find great success in the days ahead as you apply some of these small principles for great success.

                                                                          🙂

 

Would I be willing to Stretch?

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Over the weekend I attended a fabulous Woman’s Event where we were encouraged, even challenged, to stretch beyond our comfort zone to make a difference the world around us.  Our speaker told stories and gave statistics of the incredible needs abounding in the USA and abroad. As a passionate person I initially felt that I needed to make a difference, do something, in every area she expressed a need!  Then I started to feel overwhelmed!  I really can’t make a difference everywhere!  There’s just not enough of me to go around! So where does God want ME to focus my attention, finances, and time?

During our round table conversation we discussed the question:

  What is my unique calling?

The answers around the table were rich as each woman shared their area of passion and committment. One was called and heavily involved in the fight against Human trafficking, one was involved in reaching out and supporting widows, one was a speaker/ writer with a passion to help women become the “warriors of the faith” that God has called us to be, another was an art teacher who builds confidence in children and adults alike. There was a precious gal who felt called to focus on her family; pouring into the next generation, and for myself? I am presently called to invest in the hearts and lives of women in leadership to empower and support them to lead and influence well.  I loved the diversity at our table!  I loved that each woman was fully invested in what they felt God was calling them to do in this particular season! It’s really important to know our uniqueness as part of the Body of Christ.

But then there’s the challenge to stretch out of our comfort zone to create fresh impact along with our calling: mentoring troubled teens, funding woman across the globe to become independent and fruitful, working with a Pregnancy Resource Centers, or supporting those who are in the middle of the fight against Human trafficking! Would we be willing to ask the Lord if there might be something fresh that He wants us to step into along with our unique calling? Perhaps with our prayers, maybe our finances, or possibly our time.

You may have recently read a powerful book, listened to a moving podcast, or have attended an impacting Woman’s event like I have and have felt a stirring in your heart; maybe God is calling you and I to stretch our efforts to have greater impact on those in need. Would we be willing to ask?

Parker Palmer wrote a wonderful book called Let Your Life Speak that directs us to discover and live a life wherein our God-given design intersects with what the world needs. I think a life lived operating in the gifts God has given us—and mindful of meeting the needs of others—is a life that beautifully reflects the person of God. The world could use more people like that.

Let’s be those people! 🙂

The impact of Nanny and Eva~

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My office is filled with decorations, games, gifts, and baby items as I prepare  to give my precious Daughter in Law, Azlan, a baby shower.  Not at any moment do I actually forget that I will be a grandma soon, but these items do serve as a daily reminder to me.

When I think about the kind of Grandma I want to be I find myself thinking about the Grandmothers that impacted my life; they set the bar pretty high for me.

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My Nanny was musical; she played the Organ in her home beautifully. I always remember lots of home-cooked food; she liked to make jello salads! I remember sitting in front of her silver Christmas tree watching the wheel of color changing hues, thus changing the color of the tree.  I also remember an old picture that showed Jesus standing at a door welcoming all those who would willing enter.  The verse at the bottom said “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.”  My Nanny loved flowers.  I can remember many times playing dolls in her backyard filled with sunshine and the smell of roses. I remember how my Nanny used to send me letters in her sweet handwriting.   I remember all these things.  One thing I do not remember, ever, was my Nanny being angry or harsh with me.  I can’t recall her ever raising her voice to me at any time.  I deeply appreciate that about her. I want to be that kind of grandma.

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My grandma Eva had a contagious smile, she was a joyful person.  I remember taking walks with her to feed the donkeys down the street, Irish music playing in her home, and the three-pronged tiny stool where I would sit in her living room and listen to her engage in interesting conversations.  I remember picking figs and chasing squirrels in her backyard, and I remember that I always ended up with a “Pixie” haircut by the time I would head home after “my week” with grandma!  I remember all these things.
What I do not remember, ever, was my Grandma Eva ever being too busy to talk to me.  Eva never made me feel like I was in the way or a bother to her, just the opposite, she made me feel incredibly valuable and loved.  I deeply appreciate that about her.  I want to be that kind of Grandma.

The bar has been set high for me. However, because of my grandmothers’ impact on my life I believe I will be mindful to make my grandchildren feel as I did!

Who has impacted the person you are?  Who set the bar high for you? Take time to remember and appreciate those that poured into your life; honor their impact on your  life by returning the favor to those around you.

Turning 55~ WHAT?

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In early February I turn 55.  There, I said it!  It’s out in the open! I am not ashamed! 🙂

Ever since I turned 50, birthdays have affected me differently than when I was in my 30’s or 40’s.  I tend to reflect more, look at my choices in a new way, and think about the idea of “legacy” so much more!

I remember at age 18 bargaining with God; telling Him that I really wanted to anticipate His coming, BUT I did want to go to college, get married, and have children. Did you do that too?  All the key turning points of life were before me and I didn’t want to miss a thing!

At almost 55, God has graciously granted me that joy of experiencing all these sweet turning points.  The newest turning point at 55 will be precious.  I will be embarking on a new role: grandma, or Mimi, or Granny, or…………………..

However, at nearly 55,  I think about my impact, the “mark” I am leaving.   Have I honored the God I love? Represented the Salciccioli name well? Cared for the people in my “yard” well? and Mentored the younger generation as we are commanded to? I pray that I have.  At 55, I think about these things….

How about you?  What drives you to look at your life?  What causes you to look at your present choices assuring yourself that you are living a life that is rich and impacting?  Birthdays, the older I get, do this for me.

Heard this saying over the weekend; I believe it is true:

Andy Stanley –
“Every leader leaves a mark, what kind of mark are you going to leave?”

These are my “birthday” thoughts.  🙂

New Choices for 2014~

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As I arose early this morning on one of the last days of 2013 I began to ponder just how quickly this year had passed!   Seems like I just blinked and another year had gone by. Delving even deeper into my thoughts, I asked myself if I felt I had used this year; the time I was given, to the best of my ability?  Was I a good steward with my time and priorities?

My assessment of myself? Not 100% perfect! However, I felt satisfied with the priority I had chosen as my main focus throughout the year. People! I have tried very hard this year to stay connected with the precious people God has allowed me to know and love.  Family, friends, colleagues, co-workers, and new relationships.

As I perused through my 2013 calendar, looking through the tasks/appointments that I set for myself I am satisfied that I gave ample time to my key priority of valuing people. Certainly I’ve not been perfect, wishing still that I’d have had more time with some that I only connected with occasionally!  Staying and being connected with others in this way is cup-filling for me; I pray it has brought value to those I care for as well.

Now, here’s the balance~ did my focus on my main goal of valuing people impact other priorities in my life? My devotions, exercise, study time, and housekeeping…….well, sometimes it did.  Because of this, I recognize the need to balance my priorities better in 2014!  Just a little tweaking here and there to my calendar and Ideal Week would create time to spend with others while making sure I am still being keenly responsible to the other areas of my life that deserve my attention!

As you look over your past year, are you pleased at how you used your time? chose your priorities? navigated your responsibilities?  Like me, are there some areas you need to shore up to find greater success when you arrive on the doorstep of 2015 (which will come in a blink)?

Now is a great time to think about the year ahead! calendar those priorities, create an Ideal Week to assist you in committing to how you will use your time ( contact me if you’d like an Ideal Week document to use), and give yourself permission to make needed changes for greater satisfaction in 2014! The new year is yet untouched~ make it your best!

Happy New fantastic year! 🙂