legacy

We can lead better!

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The idea of being on a church staff was thrill to my 26 year old self. My husband and I could spend all of our time loving on people and helping them come to a place where they understood how much God loved them and also how great the sacrifice Christ had made for us all so that we could be forgiven! What an amazing calling!!

And then reality set in, a bit of a wake-up call for our young, passion-filled hearts! There were times when we got behind the leadership veil we saw ego, arrogance, and manipulation.   We were so confused as we truly believed those who “followed” God’s calling would always be mindful of their treatment of people; they would be kinder and more gracious than others.  But, unfortunately it was not always so and good people were damaged as a result.

THIS is why we originally began coaching ministry leaders, we were and are passionate about helping them lead and finish well—having a positive impact, and leaving a legacy of faithfulness, goodness, and generosity.

In  recent days we have watched another precious leader have his integrity challenged and legacy deterred. Arrogant leaders have displaced him and, frankly, we are so grieved. Character assassination is a dangerous tool of the enemy, unfortunately some leaders fall prey to its temptation.

As leaders we can do better, we must do better because the “fall-out” from self serving leadership is so harmful for the Body of Christ.  It’s a little like trying to put feathers back into a feather pillowcase ~ you can’t re-gather them all, the harm is done.

Jeremiah 9:24 “ ‘…but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,’ declares the Lord.”

 

Peace on Earth, Good Will to Men ~ Let it begin with me.

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Ah, Peace on earth, Good will to men.   I would love that.  A world where everyone loved and respected on another, valued each other, and did all they could do to live at peace with one another. I think that actually only lasted for a short season in the Garden of Eden way back in the beginning of our Biblical history.   It’s a fabulous way to live…………but nearly impossible when humans are added to the mix.

With our humanity comes competition, envy, drive for power, and  the desire to conquer.  We’ve seen this down through the ages.  However, with humanity also comes kindness, a giving spirit, willingness to compromise, and the desire to help others be better. But, it’s a fine tension.

Do you believe that change in the world begins with us?   Do you believe we can influence peace at all?    How can I make a difference?  In elementary school I was in the  Glee Club and we sang a song that started like this: “Let there be peace on earth and let if begin with me…..”  I do believe we can impact the world around us!

As we all enter this new year where there will be much good and yet also much unrest, let’s all be people who encourage others, smile at our neighbors, reach out to those in need, and share the true hope that we know we have in God. And if we find ourselves in a place where we have to stand up for what we believe or stand against those with whom we disagree, let’s speak the truth in love.  The shouting matches of 2016 did nothing to promote “peace on earth”.

I wish you a 2017  full of impact, influence, joy, legacy, and yes, peace.

“Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.”
~ Albert Einstein

Entering Eternity~

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As you may know my blog thoughts are always pulled from profound (and sometimes simple) lessons that I learn from real life. That being said, I have sat on this blog as I reflect on the passing of a good man……a great man….and the impact of his life on me personally.

Steve Stern passed away triumphantly this week gaining a free body in the process.  We are all so joyfilled by that knowledge; yet we are saddened that he ever had to fight the beast ALS at all!! So joy and sadness collide!

There is no justice that I could ever do to honor his passing than to lead you to the last blog post of his amazing and courageous bride.  So, I will direct you to her blog– let her thoughts simmer in your soul as you consider the end of your life and the difference between a hope in salvation and eternity, and an end without it.

There is a profound difference.  A precious life is not longer with us BUT his legacy, his impact will be endless–you just watch! God trusted him with ALS.

Please read~ it will rock your spirit!

On The Day You Flew

What will be said of Me?

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I have a wonderful privilege of gathering with some amazing women every other week to spend time talking about the things that we care deeply about.  We discuss the season of life we are presently in and look for quality ways to navigate the many challenges and opportunities we encounter everyday. We talk about learning to say our “best yes”, to make sure we find ways to re-fuel in order to be the best version of ourselves, and we look at focusing on those things we consider the highest priorities at this time, using them as a good filter when choosing how to best use our time.  These conversations are always rich and encouraging.

Last night we spent our time talking about Legacy.  We were all able to point to a person in our life who impacted us in a powerful way. Each one of us teared up simply talking about it! We could clearly see that without the gift of that person having touched our lives we would not be the women we are today.  Then we turned our attention to the fact that each one of us could be “that” person in someone’s life.  Down the road when a group of women gather, perhaps our name with be the one mentioned when expressing appreciation for key impact on their lives.  This is what leaving a Legacy looks like.  Lasting impact.

In a small study written by Dr. James Dobson, he expresses Legacy this way:

“Legacy is what future generations recall about you. You are a patriarch or a matriarch and your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren will take what you have done with your life and build on their own lives.  It is the continuation of your ministry and influence (both positive and negative) beyond your lifetime, reflecting what you value and what you believe is important.”

Wow, does that mean that the choices, behaviours, values, and traditions we do ( or don’t) intentionally choose will be passed on to our future family? You bet!  Think about your family of origin; is there a legacy you feel compelled to carry forward?  Perhaps that legacy was unhealthy and you now have the chance to make choices that will turn it around in your generation.  Choosing to leave a good and lasting Legacy requires intentionality, long-term vision, strong values, and time spent building rich relationships.  We all have a choice as to the Legacy we leave behind.

Look at your life today and answer this question: “Who influenced you to be who you are today and how does their Legacy encourage you to leave behind a Legacy that continues to bear good fruit in the lives of those you dearly love? Take time to write out the type of Legacy you would like to leave behind and then make choices consistent with your hearts desire.  🙂

“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.” ~ Shannon L. Alder

My take on 50 Shades of Grey~

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My heart has felt heavy this past week.  I have been reading so many different thoughts, articles, and reviews of the movie 50 Shades of Grey.  Secretly, I had hoped it would flop at the box office, sadly it was a box office win.  I am sad that so many people are so drawn to a hurtful and harmful “pseudo love” in light of what God has designed our experience of love to be.

1 Corinthians 13 says it best”  Love is patient and kind (is not demanding nor abrupt); Love does not envy or boast ( is not prideful about a conquest); is not arrogant or rude (not manipulating and intimidating).

It does not insist on it own way (does not take affection “my way, my timing, my satisfaction”); is not irritable or resentful ( does not confuse anger and harshness with affection); it does not rejoice in wrongdoing ( does not feel empowered by breaking barriers and twisting what real love looks like) , but rejoices in the truth.

Love bears all things ( considers the needs of the one they love to be their utmost joy), believes all things ( does not establish a relationship of uncertainty and tension), hopes all things and endures all things.

People often say “what happens in the bedroom is up to each individual marriage and I would agree…to a point.  This movie gathers millions of people into a room to watch harsh, intimidating, and borderline abusive sexuality with the redemption at the end because the arrogant, narcissistic billionaire finally “falls in love”.  All wrapped up in a pretty bow! No!  What really happens is that the stage has been set for people to have their sensitivities and values worn down once again; moving hearts further and further away from the beautiful plan God had for love.

This has made me so sad.

This morning I had the refreshing joy of reading a blog by Lisa Jacobson (www.club31women) where she so beautifully listed “what makes love hot”:

1.  Love is hot when a man and women commit to stay together.

2.  Love is hot when he and she freely offer forgiveness to one another.

3.  Love is hot when he cherishes her and she respects him.

4.  Love is hot when he and she lovingly lay down their lives for each other.

5.  Love is hot when a  couple is so grateful to grow old together.

I look at my precious, innocent granddaughters face and I pray that she will experience a rich and meaningful marriage relationship full of fun, passion, and rich love completely devoid of anger, abuse, manipulation, or cruelty!

Last week I had a sweet visit with my precious mother; she and my father have been married for over 60 years!  ” How’s dad?” I asked and she said with a sparkle in her eye and a knowing smile of her face ” he’s so cute, he’s sexy”. 🙂  we giggled.

THAT is what God intended..deep,rich love and affection that stands the test of time…don’t settle for any counterfit expressions of love!  God had the right idea!! 🙂

The Measure of a Man~~Endings can be Unexpected.

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This afternoon I attended a memorial that I would never have anticipated.  The service was for a man, mid 60’s, full of life, personality, music, and fun! When I was told he had suddenly passed away– well, it took my breath away!

When my sons were in High School, this man’s daughter attended the same High School.  Our kids were involved in the same music and drama departments, so Greg and I often sat shoulder to shoulder with this couple as we all faithfully attended  so many of our “kids” events!  He loved his family–it was as so evident!

About 2 years ago, during a church service I saw he and his wife across the aisle; they may have been attending our church for a while but it was the first time I had seen them there.  Little did I know then that this precious man was on a journey to know Christ in a new and deeply profound way!  It was only a couple of months later that Greg and I got to witness him being baptised in water professing his deep committment to Christ.  Yes, there were tears!

What meant the most to me was that his two adult children were at the baptism to support their dad in his faith.  I remember him, with tears in his eyes, saying that it was the rich committment to God that he had seen in his kids that had helped him come to a new place of trust and faith in the Lord. His only regret had been that He hadn’t had a faith strong enough to lead THEM into a deeper walk. What was happening in his spirit was real and everyone who knew him could see it.

It wasn’t long before he and his wife Cathy began to be a part of a small group as well as serving at the church Coffee Corner!  We had the joy of hearing this gentleman play piano for worship on numerous occasions; his face just beaming.

Earlier this year he had given himself permission to go on a Holy Land tour with our church; this had been on his bucket list!!  The trip was emotional and meaningful for him, even causing him to kiss the steps where he had learned that Jesus had walked.

Most recently he had become a grandpa; a great joy…..so many wonderful experiences had come full circle.

Who would have known that today a memorial would have been held to celebrate his life!  And that’s where you and I are all affected…….We don’t know how much time we have with those we love, nor do we know when the Lord will take US home…..

While I listened to the heartfelt and profound thoughts of his adult daughter and son I was so struck by the fact that, though he was not a perfect man, he made choices in his life that have left a huge legacy for his family…and a huge hole in our community. He cared for people, he lit up a room when he entered it, he took time to pour into people ” just because”…no agenda.  He was passionate about life, the health of our country, pouring into the youth of our community from teenagers on down to toddlers. He love his wife and kids; attending each and every meaningful event, planned numberous vacations to build rich memories and a passion for life! He was a faithful husband, father, friend, businessman, and community leader.

As friends and family took the microphone to share personal thoughts the words “caring, kind, funny, honest, faithful, passionate, and loving” were repeated over and over again. But-what I heard from those that knew him best was that he had really found joy, hope, and peace in his new and profound relationship with Christ.  Comitting His life to Christ, walking in Grace, learning that God is trustworthy, and understanding that He had been marvelously and miraculously saved by God, had made all the difference.  I don’t know this, but I can imagine he had wished he had walked in this rich relationship with God much earlier in his life!

For all of us the question is, Have we made the most important things a priority?  Are we seeking to know Christ more every day? Are we being truly present with family and friends? Are we making sure that those we love KNOW how much we love them and why we appreciate and respect them?  Don’t wait! Let’s re-focus today ~~ we truly do not know what tomorrow may bring.

Bill- you will be missed. In the words of your family~ “We trust that in heaven you are playing a keyboard and joking with the angels.”

We will see you again.

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Who you are today has generational impact~

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Over the weekend we had the joy and privilege of celebrating my parents 60th Wedding Anniversary.  What a meaningful time.  There were tears, laughter, dancing, and lots of love expressed as the evening went on. One of our guests pointed out a very obvious fact; if my parents had not met and married 24 of us would not be here today!  Think about that; all of our lives stem from their love!!

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As four generations gathered together it was clear to see the impact my parents have had on all our lives; their rich committment and love for Christ and one another has produced a family built on those same commitments.  Their willingness to work hard in the trenches to build and maintain a loving marriage was not easy and yet they forged ahead through good times and bad. The marriages of their daughters and grandchildren are built on those same commitments; we all plan to celebrate our 60th wedding anniversaries~ Lord willing. 🙂

Here’s a truth for us all~ the choices we make today impact the next generation. Whether you are married or not, have even experienced divorce, we can make a committment today to live a life of legacy.  Our choices, words, commitments, and behaviours will trickle down into the generation that will follow us.  Whether we are a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, sibling, or friend~ our choices today will have lasting impact.

“No matter who we are, where we live, or what our goals may be, we all have one thing in common: a heritage. That is, a social, emotional and spiritual legacy passed on from parent to child. Every one of us is passed a heritage, lives out a heritage, and gives a heritage to our family. It’s not an option. Parents always pass to their children a legacy … good, bad or some of both.”  by J. Otis Ledbetter, Kurt Bruner

It was a proud weekend for us as we all gathered in a circle to pray a prayer of thankfulness for our heritage~ and now the responsibility is on our generation to carry the legacy we’ve been richly given on to our children and grandchildren.

“The choices we make about the lives we live determine the kinds of legacies we leave.”Travis Smiley

 

 

We need Sage Seniors~

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Last night my husband and I led a marriage event at our local church. We were teaching couples in the “Art” of Active Listening.  I had imagined that the bulk of our attendance would be younger couples eager to tackle the challenges of  newer marriages.  Imagine my surprise when numerous mature couples began to fill the building.  I was very blessed to recognize that these older folks still wanted to work on their marriages! wow!  I can only imagine the example this set for our younger generation.  We need our sage seniors in our lives!

I was tickled that my own parents who have been married 60 years attended this event led by us, their own kids!  In talking with them they expressed sincerely that they felt the tool we were teaching would bring value to them as well.  The interesting twist here is this:  one of the couples at our table whose relationship has been a very difficult one, made the effort to come but had nowhere for their 4 month old baby.  My mother, sensing the need for this couple to have an opportunity to grow, asked to hold this little girl who fell asleep in her arms for 90 minutes, giving them a chance to focus on their relationship. The young mom cried tears of gratefulness for the love she had been shown.  We need sage seniors in our lives!

I am certain that God intended us to have impact far into our twilight years.  I believe our impact can only be richer, wiser, and more valuable.   For those of you who are presently Sage Seniors I ask that you continue to pour into our lives. Pray for us and speak wisdom into our life situations.  For those of us who are knocking on the door of our seniors years I ask that we keep looking for places to have impact, to mentor, to use the lessons we’ve learned to help others.  For the younger generation I would challenge you to seek out the wisdom of those seniors in your sphere of life.  In areas of finances, marriage, or faith, these sage seniors in your life can help you to miss some of the mistakes others have made.

Psalm 92:14

They will still yield fruit in old age; They shall be full of sap and very green.

Job 12:12

“Wisdom is with aged people, With long life comes understanding.

Such a great reminder! 🙂

Musings on Marriage~

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I am enjoying the privilege of leading a bible study with 6 precious young wives on the subject of marriage.  I am the leader of the study, yet I am a constant learner along with each one of them.  After almost 30 years of marriage I recognize that you never arrive at a PERFECT relationship.  Marriage is a process of growing and stretching through the many different seasons and changes in our lives.  Marriage is a committment to being a good friend~no matter what.

“Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.”

In discussions about marriage some key issues continually come up:  communication, expectations, and forgiveness.  These areas can be where hurt and disconnect can be found. So, in light of this I wanted to offer a few thoughts that might serve to encourage you as you commit to building a rich, thriving marriage.

*   Active Listening:  taking the time to truly listen to your loved one, repeating back to them to see if you truly understood what they are trying to say, and them expressing how you imagine they might feel can bring clarity and empathy even if you don’t fully agree.  Everyone needs to have the freedom to express themselves; to be heard.  Practicing this kind of intentional listening will help build better communication and cause you to feel a greater connection to one another.

*  Balancing Expectations:  Have you ever thought through all the elements you may expect in your marriage?

  • To be able to talk everything through & find resolution
  • That we & our partner should never argue, fight or withdraw, always take care of each other & agree on everything
  • A wonderful sexual relationship, full of sexual passion
  • Each other to take their own responsibility for their own feelings, able to share love, rather than expect our partner to fill us up with their love
  • To have a lot of fun & easily laugh together
  • To have similar interests
  • Our partner to financially contribute
  • A certain level of contribution towards the household & childcare
  • Respect, admiration & deep trust
  • A relationship full of affection, holding, cuddling & kissing
  • To find each other infinitely interesting, look forward to being together & sharing ideas
  • Companionship
  • The same religious beliefs
  • Shared, common spiritual values

These elements are all good; however these areas can grow over time as the marriage matures, listening increases, and each individual grows deeper in their relationship with the Lord. Keep them as good goals but don’t expect perfection all the time.

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

*  Forgiveness:   We all need forgiveness.  We all have a bad day, make mistakes, and respond improperly.  In my early years of marriage I would hold onto those things that hurt or frustrated me.  When I would do this I could easily find myself irritated by the smallest things simply because I had a stockpile of things I’d not yet forgiven. The older I get the more I recognize the huge value in keeping a short record of unforgivenes.  Fact is, I need to be forgiven often too.

“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

As you celebrate Valentine’s Day this next week may you embark on the richest year of marriage ever!

The impact of Nanny and Eva~

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My office is filled with decorations, games, gifts, and baby items as I prepare  to give my precious Daughter in Law, Azlan, a baby shower.  Not at any moment do I actually forget that I will be a grandma soon, but these items do serve as a daily reminder to me.

When I think about the kind of Grandma I want to be I find myself thinking about the Grandmothers that impacted my life; they set the bar pretty high for me.

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My Nanny was musical; she played the Organ in her home beautifully. I always remember lots of home-cooked food; she liked to make jello salads! I remember sitting in front of her silver Christmas tree watching the wheel of color changing hues, thus changing the color of the tree.  I also remember an old picture that showed Jesus standing at a door welcoming all those who would willing enter.  The verse at the bottom said “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.”  My Nanny loved flowers.  I can remember many times playing dolls in her backyard filled with sunshine and the smell of roses. I remember how my Nanny used to send me letters in her sweet handwriting.   I remember all these things.  One thing I do not remember, ever, was my Nanny being angry or harsh with me.  I can’t recall her ever raising her voice to me at any time.  I deeply appreciate that about her. I want to be that kind of grandma.

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My grandma Eva had a contagious smile, she was a joyful person.  I remember taking walks with her to feed the donkeys down the street, Irish music playing in her home, and the three-pronged tiny stool where I would sit in her living room and listen to her engage in interesting conversations.  I remember picking figs and chasing squirrels in her backyard, and I remember that I always ended up with a “Pixie” haircut by the time I would head home after “my week” with grandma!  I remember all these things.
What I do not remember, ever, was my Grandma Eva ever being too busy to talk to me.  Eva never made me feel like I was in the way or a bother to her, just the opposite, she made me feel incredibly valuable and loved.  I deeply appreciate that about her.  I want to be that kind of Grandma.

The bar has been set high for me. However, because of my grandmothers’ impact on my life I believe I will be mindful to make my grandchildren feel as I did!

Who has impacted the person you are?  Who set the bar high for you? Take time to remember and appreciate those that poured into your life; honor their impact on your  life by returning the favor to those around you.