love

The incredible power of love~

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I am constantly on the search for inspiration as I walk through my life.  So often I’ve thought “Wow, there was a real lesson in that!”   Recently Greg and I had the chance to sneak away to Maui for a week; I fully expected to find multiple sources of inspiration, especially in that setting!

My inspiration came in a huge and unexpected way; caused me to pause and watch the incredible power of love.

We woke up early packed and ready to head out on a catamaran trip to the Island of Lanai where we would have a chance to snorkel and enjoy a morning of incredible views.  After checking in at the dock we were asked to wait in a line until everyone had checked in.  While waiting I watched a family coming down the dock withtheir teenage daughter ( probably 13 or 14) who was in a wheelchair and experiencing some form of palsy that caused her rigid body to shake uncontrollably without ceasing.

I tried not to stare but found myself fascinated by the amount of love that was expressed to this young gal.  Since there wasn’t a ramp on the boat Dad lifted his precious girl ( who was almost as tall as him) and gently placed her in a seat where she could feel the wind and see the ocean.  Minutes later Mom proceeded to, carefully and with precision, attempt to feed her precious daughter while the shaking in her body continued.

As the catamaran proceeded to the Island of Lanai I watch as both mom and dad would sweetly talk with their girl, move a tuft of her hair from her eyes, and wrap their arms around her shoulder.  All interactions with their daughter was through her eyes as she could not speak; her glee would show through her crooked smile.  There was so much love expressed between them all. There was never a moment of irritation, exasperation, or frustration.

Upon arriving in the cove near Lanai, I was surprised as both parents, instead of getting all their own snorkeling gear on, were wrapping their girl in a  floatation device and proceeded to take her into the water with them.  It was incredibly special to observe the effort it took to make this experience a reality for their daughter; so selfless.

Wet and bundled in towels, we all headed back toward the Island of Maui.  Sitting in front of me, this precious family snuggled  tightly together….  then I saw the most amazing thing.  Mom leaned in a wrapped her arms around her daughter, singing softley in her ear.  For the first time all the shaking in her body stopped.  I felt tears in my eyes as I could see the rich sense of calm that came over her rigid body; I was amazed at the soothing power of genuine love, selfless love, a costly love.

Sometimes loving others isn’t easy, it can be costly, tiring, challenging, or even confusing.  But LOVE is always worth it.  There is power in an authentic, selfless love.  Watching these parents go the extra mile with their child whose entire wellbeing is dependant on their choice to love and support her in every way, challenged me to dig deeper when I am challenged to love ~ to go the extra mile.

Couldn’t we all use more moving example of love?  I say “yes”!

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Sometimes we just need something Sweet~

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Last week my heart felt so heavy as I watched and heard about so many devastating events that caused death and sadness to countless people in many parts of the world. I watched the news in the morning and listened to the news while in my car while out doing a few errands. I could feel the weight of the concern on my heart.  I prayed. I cried. I prayed again.

Sitting at a traffic light a young Jr. High boy, riding on a scooter, stopped at a cross walk, he pushed the button and when he did he noticed an older homeless man a little way up the sidewalk.  Without hesitating, this young man pulled out his wallet, grabbed $20.00 dollar bill and handed it to the homeless man.  He turned, jumped on his scooter and headed across the street to the other side.

That little sweetness lifted my heavy heart.

I like to treasure hunt, when I can, at our local Goodwill.  This particular day I heard one of the employees loudly say ” Hey, there’s the birdman.” Then I watched a wonderfully kind interaction between them.  The “Birdman” was a tiny, hunched over, toothless man who comes into Goodwill to find bird houses.  In his hand was his treasure for the day ~ a bird house made completely out of rocks~ he was beaming!

As I made my way through the store I looked up and only the “birdman” and I were alone in the  same aisle.  He walks my way, puts his hand on my shoulder and says “honey, have you ever imagine the stories that the old items in this store could tell?  Stories of joys, memories, sadness, and celebrations?  Isn’t life precious?”   and he walked away.

That little bit of sweetness lifted my heavy heart!

Sometimes we just need something sweet, something precious, to remind us to appreciate our lives and the people in it.  I was grateful to have experienced these “sacred moments”.

In the midst of reports that break our hearts let’s not forget that there are still multitudes of precious, good people! 🙂

I wish you “sweetness” today.

A Tiny Quail and a Biblical Truth~

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Over the weekend Greg and I took a little time to work in our backyard.  The weather has been especially hot so we were trying to finish the work quickly.  Greg moved from bush to bush trimming branches that looked wayward while I made my way around the yard pulling random weeds.

All of a sudden a mother Quail flew to the top of the fence in front of me, basically yelling at me!  The behaviour continued for some time as she moved side to side along the fence screaming at me to “go away”….she was frantic!

Greg and I could not figure out what was upsetting this mama bird ~ we didn’t see any babies near by but we decided to move away from where she was to calm her down.    Within minutes the tiniest baby Quail (seriously not bigger than the tip of my thumb) came running along the fence, darted underneath and ran to safety.  So tiny and seemingly insignificant but that mama knew one of her babies was missing.  She had many other babies to be mindful of yet she left them to go and find this tiny, lost baby.

As I pondered what I had seen I was quickly reminded of the story of the Good Shepherd that was willing to leave his flock to find the one tiny lamb that had gotten into harms way.

Matthew 18:12-14 says:

“What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray and gets lost, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountain and go in search of the one that is lost?

And if it should be that he finds it, truly I say to you, he rejoices more over it than over the ninety-nine that did not get lost.

Just so it is not the will of My Father Who is in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost and perish.”

Do you ever feel insignificant? forgotten?  Do you ever wonder if God is mindful of you?  Does He hear you?  Would He notice if you were “lost”?  Would He fight for you?

Pastor Rick Warren expresses this thought about how mindful God is about us:

“What does it mean that God is mindful of you? It means he’s alert, he’s focused, he’s paying attention. When God is mindful of you, he notices everything in your life. Matthew 10:19-30 says not even a sparrow can fall to the ground without God noticing. He even numbers every hair on your head. That’s how close God pays attention to you.”

May you be encouraged today by knowing you and I are never insignificant to the God who is always mindful of us.  🙂

My take on 50 Shades of Grey~

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My heart has felt heavy this past week.  I have been reading so many different thoughts, articles, and reviews of the movie 50 Shades of Grey.  Secretly, I had hoped it would flop at the box office, sadly it was a box office win.  I am sad that so many people are so drawn to a hurtful and harmful “pseudo love” in light of what God has designed our experience of love to be.

1 Corinthians 13 says it best”  Love is patient and kind (is not demanding nor abrupt); Love does not envy or boast ( is not prideful about a conquest); is not arrogant or rude (not manipulating and intimidating).

It does not insist on it own way (does not take affection “my way, my timing, my satisfaction”); is not irritable or resentful ( does not confuse anger and harshness with affection); it does not rejoice in wrongdoing ( does not feel empowered by breaking barriers and twisting what real love looks like) , but rejoices in the truth.

Love bears all things ( considers the needs of the one they love to be their utmost joy), believes all things ( does not establish a relationship of uncertainty and tension), hopes all things and endures all things.

People often say “what happens in the bedroom is up to each individual marriage and I would agree…to a point.  This movie gathers millions of people into a room to watch harsh, intimidating, and borderline abusive sexuality with the redemption at the end because the arrogant, narcissistic billionaire finally “falls in love”.  All wrapped up in a pretty bow! No!  What really happens is that the stage has been set for people to have their sensitivities and values worn down once again; moving hearts further and further away from the beautiful plan God had for love.

This has made me so sad.

This morning I had the refreshing joy of reading a blog by Lisa Jacobson (www.club31women) where she so beautifully listed “what makes love hot”:

1.  Love is hot when a man and women commit to stay together.

2.  Love is hot when he and she freely offer forgiveness to one another.

3.  Love is hot when he cherishes her and she respects him.

4.  Love is hot when he and she lovingly lay down their lives for each other.

5.  Love is hot when a  couple is so grateful to grow old together.

I look at my precious, innocent granddaughters face and I pray that she will experience a rich and meaningful marriage relationship full of fun, passion, and rich love completely devoid of anger, abuse, manipulation, or cruelty!

Last week I had a sweet visit with my precious mother; she and my father have been married for over 60 years!  ” How’s dad?” I asked and she said with a sparkle in her eye and a knowing smile of her face ” he’s so cute, he’s sexy”. 🙂  we giggled.

THAT is what God intended..deep,rich love and affection that stands the test of time…don’t settle for any counterfit expressions of love!  God had the right idea!! 🙂

Going the distance in your Marriage~

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Two days ago I returned from a spectacular Anniversary celebration on the Island of Maui with my husband of 30 years ~ it is a trip I am very, very grateful for.  To be able to celebrate 30 years of marriage; to still enjoy time together, to laugh, to adventure, and to love, makes me feel so fortunate.

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Marriage takes work, relationships take work.  That being said, it’s not ALL work.  Marriage takes a whole lot of different elements to go the distance. Here’s what I’ve learned in my marriage “journey”.

1.  Communication~ It was lack of communication that almost caused an ending to our marriage almost 15 years ago.  Both of us spent our time reacting and talking over one another. We would  offend one another and one of us would always shut down.  Obviously this was not fruitful.  With the help of a wonderful counselor, Greg and I learned the art of active listening.  Learning to actually listen, hear, and learn empathy–even if we didn’t always agree–made all the difference.  We are still learners but we have come a long way!

2. Having a relationship with God and sharing it with one another~ In marriage you learn early on the your partner cannot meet every need in your life, fill every hole, fix every challenge. It’s simply impossible. To know that there is One, our Saviour, who knows you deeply, and loves you, absolutely makes such a difference in the area of expectations and personal confidence. Sharing that rich faith together helps to bind your hearts and values. Together you can take your needs, concerns, and difficulties to Him. A shared faith makes a huge difference.

3.  Laughter ~ Life can feel very serious; often time it IS serious.  It’s super important to remember to laugh. Allowing yourselves as a couple to grab times of light-hearted playfulness makes a huge difference.  Greg and I have learned to play games together, listen to 70’s music (singing along, oh my!), and many other activities that allow us to focus on simply being friends.

4.  Ask for help ~ over the years Greg and I faced challenging turning points that could have stolen our 30 year anniversary from us! There is a trail of amazing people who stood with us, encouraged us, challenged us, and walked us into greater relational health.  We are eternally grateful! We couldn’t have made the changes that were needed without the love and support of good people!

5. Making an effort to be the best version of yourself ~ None of us are perfect. However, I believe that if we are taking care of our health, emotional well-being, and spiritual depth, we will be a healthier life partner.  Challenges come in all of these areas without being invited, BUT if we are living a life where we are personally addressing these key areas we will walk through the uninvited challenges better.  Insecurity, exhaustion, and fearfulness can play a real negative role in our marriage relationships.

6.  Build a good posse of friends/family with strong marriages ~ Having couples around you who are growing in their marriages, who are honest about marriage challenges, and who value their spouses makes a big difference in your ability to go the distance in your marriage.  As couples we can learn from one another, stand with one another, pray for one another, and celebrate with one another through the season of life! This has been key for us!!

7. Dream together ~ if you can’t dream with one another WHO can you dream with?  It’s fun to think about the future, consider ideas that are “out of the box”, share your crazy ideas, and even take risks to make that dream come true! Life can feel awful dull without dreaming…….. 🙂

There are so many elements that go into a marriage that can stand the test of time; to go the distance.  I’m sure I’ve left some out.  But these are my thoughts as I ponder our 30 years of marriage.  I’d love to hear your ideas too!! 🙂 and perhaps you’ll celebrate YOUR anniversary look out at an amazing sunset just as Greg and I did last week! Best to you and YOUR marriage.

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Musings on Marriage~

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I am enjoying the privilege of leading a bible study with 6 precious young wives on the subject of marriage.  I am the leader of the study, yet I am a constant learner along with each one of them.  After almost 30 years of marriage I recognize that you never arrive at a PERFECT relationship.  Marriage is a process of growing and stretching through the many different seasons and changes in our lives.  Marriage is a committment to being a good friend~no matter what.

“Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.”

In discussions about marriage some key issues continually come up:  communication, expectations, and forgiveness.  These areas can be where hurt and disconnect can be found. So, in light of this I wanted to offer a few thoughts that might serve to encourage you as you commit to building a rich, thriving marriage.

*   Active Listening:  taking the time to truly listen to your loved one, repeating back to them to see if you truly understood what they are trying to say, and them expressing how you imagine they might feel can bring clarity and empathy even if you don’t fully agree.  Everyone needs to have the freedom to express themselves; to be heard.  Practicing this kind of intentional listening will help build better communication and cause you to feel a greater connection to one another.

*  Balancing Expectations:  Have you ever thought through all the elements you may expect in your marriage?

  • To be able to talk everything through & find resolution
  • That we & our partner should never argue, fight or withdraw, always take care of each other & agree on everything
  • A wonderful sexual relationship, full of sexual passion
  • Each other to take their own responsibility for their own feelings, able to share love, rather than expect our partner to fill us up with their love
  • To have a lot of fun & easily laugh together
  • To have similar interests
  • Our partner to financially contribute
  • A certain level of contribution towards the household & childcare
  • Respect, admiration & deep trust
  • A relationship full of affection, holding, cuddling & kissing
  • To find each other infinitely interesting, look forward to being together & sharing ideas
  • Companionship
  • The same religious beliefs
  • Shared, common spiritual values

These elements are all good; however these areas can grow over time as the marriage matures, listening increases, and each individual grows deeper in their relationship with the Lord. Keep them as good goals but don’t expect perfection all the time.

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

*  Forgiveness:   We all need forgiveness.  We all have a bad day, make mistakes, and respond improperly.  In my early years of marriage I would hold onto those things that hurt or frustrated me.  When I would do this I could easily find myself irritated by the smallest things simply because I had a stockpile of things I’d not yet forgiven. The older I get the more I recognize the huge value in keeping a short record of unforgivenes.  Fact is, I need to be forgiven often too.

“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

As you celebrate Valentine’s Day this next week may you embark on the richest year of marriage ever!

Thanksgiving Thoughts~

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Thanksgiving is a time to savor and reflect on all that we are thankful for; an opportunity to gather with those we love to share our hearts and a meal too large for us all!!

I thought I would try to list the Top 10 things that I am Thankful for ( knowing that 10 things would never cover all that I cherish in my heart…but I will make a brave attempt!

MY TOP 10

1.  For God~His grace and mercy, favor and care, comfort and correction. Where would I be without the Lord in my life? Cannot imagine!

2.  For My wonderful Italian husband, Greg, without whom my life would not be nearly as interesting, fun, and love-filled. Together we have weathered many seasons and assignments, all of these experiences have made us a stronger, more loving team.

3.  My amazingly smart, talented, and kind sons.  Their ideas fascinate me, their questions challenge me, and their kindness warms my heart. Nate and Dave are two special men with whom I am incredibly proud.

4. My beautiful daughter in laws.  Oh my, I love them.  These ladies are thoughtful, creative, funny, and smart. When I watch them love on our sons, my heart swells. These girls are also my dear friends and I feel very lucky for their friendship!

5.  My precious parents whose consistent love and generosity continues to amaze me.  Their ability to love deeply, pray regularly, and creatively love on all of their children, grandchildren and great- grandchildren is an example I pray I will follow.  My parents legacy in my life cannot be expressed in words. I am so thankful for them.

6.  My “extended” family~  The word “extended” encompasses so many precious people:  my incredible sisters, creative and caring nieces and nephews, Aunts and Uncles that I adore, Cousins who I care deeply for, my mother and father in law whom I love, so many people who bless my life and heart!

7.  Dear loyal friends. So many amazing people who have walked alongside Greg and I for years and years; cheering us on, giving wise counsel, making memories, and weathering storms….If I named them one by one the list would go on and on……

8.  Our Coachwell Clients (leaders and friends)~I find it simply amazing that I have the incredible privilege to work with, care for, and be a cheerleader alongside so many world-changers!  These leaders bless me more than I could ever express…but I will never stop trying to let them know how much they mean to me!

9.  Our Coachwell team.  We work with a team with such great hearts; loving towards our clients, vendors, us, and one another.  We look forward to continuing the journey with them alongside us!

10. My Church.  Our spiritual family are a gathering of kind people.  We have enjoyed 4 years of growing alongside so many folks working hard to grow in Christ and make a difference in our community and beyond.  Whether it be a teaching, worship, small group, or a women’s events~ all of it has given me opportunity after opportunity to grow! I am thankful for them.

Well, when I started this list I wasn’t sure where it would end up.  However, One thing that I have realized is that PEOPLE are what I am grateful for!  So on this Thanksgiving Day I hope you find yourself somewhere in my LIST and know that I am very thankful for YOU this year!

Have a truly meaningful Thanksgiving this year. 🙂

Keys to key Relationships! (re-post)

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Building  Amazing Relationships!

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Relationships can bring us our greatest joys and our deepest wounds. We can’t control how others choose to respond in their relationships with us, but we can establish our own ground rules for having and maintaining quality relationships.

Below are some thoughts to consider as you navigate the relationships in your life:

1.  Surround yourself with positive people- finding like-minded, positive people will fill your cup. Spending the bulk of your time with those who suck the happiness out of you is unwise and unhealthy.

2. Accept people just the way they are – Save yourself the needless stress of trying to change people who don’t want to change. Fight the urge to engage in fruitless conversations, rather look for areas where you can agree and show support.

3. Forgive people and move forward –  holding anger or bitterness affects us much more than the individual we have been hurt by.  Forgiveness is not saying “What you did or said was okay.”  It is saying “I’m not going to let what you did ruin my happiness or steal my joy.” It doesn’t mean you forget it simply means that you choose to let go.

4.   Do little things for those in your life –  A card, a visit, a gift, an email, a text. Simply take opportunities to connect with and appreciate those your care about.  We all feel a little more valuable when we realize that someone has been thinking of us.

5.  Talk a little less, listen a little more –  Our relationships will grow if we move away from being the talker and take the time to listen! A listening ear is the greatest gift we could give to those we love.

6.  Be Loyal – be the kind of person that believes the best about those you love. Everyone needs to know that someone “has their back”. Be that person.

7.  Pick your battlegrounds – don’t pick petty arguments. We aren’t always “right”.  Focus on the things that truly matter and let the small stuff go!

8.  Encourage and cheer them on –  be excited for those you love! Spur them on! Don’t look at their opportunities or dreams with the lens of what it will cost you, rather keep them the priority.

9.  Remember that everyone has baggage –  we all enter relationship with a suitcase filled with past experiences; successes, disappointments, hurts, etc.  Sometimes that “baggage” effects the relationship and needs to be addressed. However, using grace and understanding will always be the most fruitful approach.

10. Let go of friendships that are no longer healthy – some relationships can run their course and a necessary ending needs to take place. To force relationships to continue when the season is over can be exhausting and eventually more harmful than good.  Be willing to appreciate the relationship for what it was, and then release it and move forward.

Relationships are our most valuable assets and worth the effort to keep them strong and healthy! Test these tips out and see if they help create healthier interactions in your relationships!!  Flourish in the days ahead!!

Mother love is a “crazy kinda love”~

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Years ago when our sons were younger we took a family trip to Orlando where we spent some time at the Universal Studios Theme Park.  Back in “those days” a show call Fear Factor was really popular.  Because of the shows popularity the theme park had a live show with a large audience on site.  Greg and our sons thought it would be fun to audition to be on the show that day; they thought it would an adventure to do one of the challenging physical acts!  I was supportive of their idea and thought it would be fun to watch them do something fun like this!

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We arrived at the auditions on time and learned that the guys were actually too tall to participate in the physical challenges BUT the show producers did have a couple other challenges for the family. The only catch was that MOM needed to be a part of the show! What?  Um…I don’t think so!  But I have a crazy kinda love for my family and said that I would be a part as long as my role did not include bugs!!

Greg and David were offered to be in a competition against another father and son to “drink” down a horrid mixture of worms, old milk, and other awful ingredients!  Oh yes, they were up for the challenge!!

As for my option, well, you see there was this chair with a plastic box where I was to sit.  My hands would be strapped to the chair, my eyes would be covered, my head encased inside the plastic box. There was a large spinning wheel that the host of the show would allow my oldest son Nate to spin.  Around the wheel there were pictures of snakes, spiders, worms, scorpions, etc.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

My sons involvement hinged on my agreeing to participate~~ that crazy kinda Mother love kicked in again and I heard myself say “Yes”!!  Greg and Dave went on to win their competition and received the cheers of the crowd and a plastic  I Ate A Bug Mug.  I, on the other hand enjoyed a crown of scorpions with my son cheerfully looking on!

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Being a mom is such a gift. Sometimes there are challenges, tears, and discipline. Sometimes there is joy, celebration, and shared fun memories. Being a mom has brought me such incredible joy!

I wish a rich blessing to all mom’s who have also loved deeply and stretched way beyond their comfort zone simply because of their Crazy kinda Mother love!!!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Do you have a HOUSE or a HOME?

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This week I have enjoyed the unique opportunity to assist my son and precious daughter in law as they get re-settled in CA for a new life there~ a new adventure.  What I have loved the most has been watching them transform a “house” into a “home”!

Nate and Kate are no strangers to setting up house as their short married life has already had numerous moves.

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Furniture, bedding, dishes, and blankets are all needed in order to set up house. However,  Pictures and memory-based items make a house a home!

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As I have spent this past week alongside these two I have observed the MOST important aspect of what makes a house a home. KINDNESS.
In the midst of boxes, unfamiliar streets, new noises, and the idiosyncrasy’s of a home build in the 1920’s, I have seen these two show incredible kindness to one another.

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Whether you live in Bend, OR., Seattle, WA., or Palo Alto, CA~ You can make a house a home IF you are intentional about doing so.

Today–look around your home….does is represent your family with all it’s uniqueness’s?  Is your home full of kindness and care?  I pray that it is and that your house is indeed a HOME!  🙂