moving forward

The Noose of Regret~

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We all have regrets.

As each of us looks over the landscape of our lives we will, occasionally or often, wince when we recall poor job choices, hurt filled relationships, missed opportunities,  and poor financial decisions.  Everyone, as they grow older, has an opportunity to look back with hindsight and consider how we could have better navigated numerous areas of our lives…all of us.

Early in our marriage, with a 2-year-old and while I was 7 months pregnant, Greg and I moved far from family to pursue a new ministry role.  Everyone was supportive, there was excitement about the role we were being given and the impact we had the potential to make in that small community.

We went with the best of intentions but, regrettably, it was a pain filled season for our little family and set in motion a series of challenging situations that nearly broke us in many ways.  Greg and I have often looked back at those choices and say ” we would never make that same choice today”!

Wounded and a bit battered, we had a choice to live in the past and walk away from our passion and calling or choose to learn from it, forgive, and let it go.  We chose the latter but it did take some time to feel fully whole again.

Today I would clearly say that we probably learned more in those trenches then at any other time in our life ~ those we would not like a repeat performance.  God is good to redeem our past regrets; to make “beauty for ashes”.   Regret could have been like a noose around our neck and kept us from the joy of doing what we love to do today!

So, what is regret?  Regret is a negative emotional state that involves blaming ourselves for a bad outcome, feeling a sense of loss or sorrow at what might have been or wishing we could undo a previous choice that we made.  Nothing about walking through life this way is healthy; we must let go!

Today~  what’s got it’s grip on you?  What do you regret that’s keeping you from new starts, fresh dreams, re-newed passion, or fresh change?  What kind of cyclical self-talk do you automatically fall into when faced with moving on and moving forward?

Consider letting go, learning from the choices you made, forgiving yourself and/or others, and look toward the future with great hope and anticipation.  Sometimes you made have to get up and make this choice everyday until you begin to feel free! I know I had to!

How about moving forward?  How about letting go?  How about watching as God so creatively and lovingly makes “beauty for ashes” in your life?

Choose to experience a new season today! Decide to let go! 🙂

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The Freedoms we may Forget~

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My son is a fantastic Jr. High teacher; very creative in his efforts to teach his students well.  Recently he has been teaching his  students about India; talking about the many religious beliefs and traditional systems that generations have either enjoyed or endured for hundreds of years.

Yesterday he was trying to teach his students about the “Caste” system that has been  (and often still is) used to keep people in their rightful place.  The students drew numbers and based on that choice were placed with a group who had to complete tasks together~ some interesting tasks, some very menial based on the level of caste they were in.  I believe the whole concept of being “placed” into a lifestyle where you must remain based on your level in life was kinda surprising and uncomfortable for students who have been raised in America.

When I travel and spent the summer in India many years ago I saw the Caste system in place for myself; an older gentleman sweeping the same small area of the street every day, all day for life, with the hope that he would prove himself worthy and have a chance at living his next life at a higher level.  When visiting the Taj Majal there was a man who mowed the grass there by leading a cow with a crude type of steel grass cutting tool. I was told that this man fulfilled this task day after day after day in hopes of moving to a higher level of caste in his next life.

Another element of the caste system is that if you are privileged to find yourself in a higher caste you are not even allowed to look upon an “untouchable”, those of a lower caste!  So within the system,  those with greater influence cannot even give a “hand up” to those whose find themselves to be “untouchables”.

All of this got me thinking about America.  There are, indeed, many pockets of society where children are born into extremely difficult situations.  There are many people who find themselves in places, geography wise and family wise, where they feel they will never be able to live a life any different then what they are experiencing.

However, the difference between our freedoms and that of a caste system is that we actually “can” change our station in life with incredible perseverance, education, creativity,  and tenacity.  In America we do have the freedom, within our one life, to move from poverty to success, from dysfunction to health, if we can apply ourselves in intentional ways!  No one has made it a law that we cannot “change” our station in life. There are many stories of those whose lives were desperately challenged yet managed to pull themselves up and out to find a life of influence and purpose.

Another factor in our American freedoms is our choice to help others success.  As fellow citizens we are completely free to lend a hand to another, to financially support an individual with a challenging beginning  in creative ways.  Rarely does a person soar without people around them who “gave them a foot up”.  In America we have the freedom to help make a difference and we should!

So in this season of challenging political rhetoric, let’s not forget the freedoms that we have, the choices weare free to consider, and the opportunities we are free to undertake in this great land of ours, and our freedom to lend a hand to those who need it!

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Pardon Me!

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We have all experienced it…..at least once in our lives.  We have all faced situations where there has been misunderstanding, hurtful indictments, poor communication, and decisions made that we may not have agreed with.  These experiences can be within our families, in the workplace, in our churches, or in our community involvements.  But I think I can safely say that we all get to walk through that experience at least once!

The real challenge comes when we try to navigate these situations that cause us to feel offended, hurt, misrepresented, and misunderstood.  Most often our first response is to want to “be right”, to defend ourselves, and to let the walls start to build between ourselves and those we feel have treated us unfairly.

In the early years when my husband was a young pastor, we experienced hurtful situations that caused us to feel disrespected and offended numerous times.  We were young and truly didn’t anticipate these kinds of relational challenges.  We could feel resentments causing us to change from positive, caring people to reactive, offendable people and that’s not who we wanted to be.

Over the years we have had to learn to let the outcome of these situations go .  As we  have chosen to PARDON those with whom we have felt disrespected and indicted, even when the offenders have not acknowledged any wrong-doing,  even when we haven’t been able to justify ourselves ~ We have been able to move on and flourish!   We’ve had to start with the choice to forgive; the feelings have followed over time.

Another choice we have to make is to pardon ourselves for the part we have played in the conflict.  We are never 100% right so there is always something that we have contributed to make the situation more challenging.  If we can own our part, learn from it, and forgive ourselves we can move on in an emotionally healthy way.

Here’s an interesting paraphrase from John 12:24 ” Let your expectations go.  You took a loss.  You’ve complained and grieved.  To hold onto it any longer is counter-productive.  It’s time to let it go or you will remain stuck.  When you let it go you will get your life back and you will prosper.”

Have you walked through situations that have left you wounded?  Have you let your emotions remain intrenched in your hurt?  Is it time to get free?  Is it time to pardon both offender(s)  and yourself? Don’t let offenses change you into a version of yourself that even you don’t like.  You be the hero and hand out the first pardon today.

“…and forgive us our debts AS we forgive our debtors.”  (Lord’s Prayer)

 

Is Your Baggage Affecting Your Life?

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We all have baggage don’t we?  As we navigate our lives with people, professions, challenges, and changes our baggage will show up, we can count on it.  Sometimes the baggage with be very evident and sometimes it sits under the surface but ~ we all carry around some baggage.

Recently our church has been doing a quality series on the Baggage in our lives.  We have been given some good steps to help us to get free of our baggage IF we are willing to do the work. Walking out healthy lives will require all of us to do some inventory to see just what our personal baggage is, how it affects us, and how does it affect those around us?.

Les Parrot and Dr. Neil Clark in their article ” Losing your Emotional Baggage express this thought   “Wouldn’t it be nice if we could simply lose our emotional baggage the same way our luggage gets lost by airline companies? If only we could turn off our emotions and memories that easily.”   “History is what has happened in our lives. Baggage is how we feel about it. Your perspective on your past determines, to a great extent, your personal health and vitality.”

Those statements make it sound as if our Baggage holds the power of negatively affecting our whole life if we never take the time to address it.

Our baggage may come from a traumatic upbringing and yet even those from healthy homes walk away with baggage as well.  The way we experience and perceive the events of our lives; no matter what, can shape the type of baggage that we carry.

I grew up in a family where I knew I was loved.  However, many hours of my young life were spent attending church events.  Though I gained a lot of wonderful mentoring in those days I also heard the teaching of sini I learned that if I wasn’t sinless I would indeed be “left behind.”  This consistent teaching created fear and self loathing in me because I knew I was not a perfect person–therefore, unacceptable.  I realize that this teaching may have been taught with the best of intentions, but my PERCEPTION was that I would never measure up enough to be loved by God.  The baggage I carried from that experience followed me into adulthood as a Pastor’s wife.  My perception of that teaching caused me to feel uncertain, to have trust issues with God, and made me afraid to teach because I felt unworthy.  This baggage took a long time to lay down–well into my 30’s.   When I was able to “unpack” my baggage and seek out what was really true about God’s heart for me, I gained fresh freedom.

So how can we begin to un-pack our Baggage and walk in fresh freedom?

1. Get some outside insight:  Ask trusted friends or family if they can see any “blind spots” that keep sabotaging your relationships or occupations.  Identify the themes and try to find the source of this baggage.

2. Take some time to reflect of past hurts or disappointments.  Are you carrying baggage into this season of your life because you refuse to forgive, haven’t tried to gain real truth? feel like a victim?  Are you bitter?  If we won’t look at these things we will always be a slave to them.  Be brave.  Look at your challenges and ask yourself if being free of the baggage would be worth the effort it will take to move forward.

3.  Choose to forgive.  It’s said that “unforgiveness is like feeding ourselves poison while hoping our enemy dies!”.  When we choose to forgive the people and experiences that “handed” our baggage to us, we open the door to freedom ourselves.  Forgiveness does not mean we minimize the pain, that our offender’s behaviour has been acceptable, or that we have to reignite situations and relationships that are simply unhealthy for us.  It simply means we lay it down.  Piece by piece we drop off one “suitcase” after another until we can stand tall, breathe deep, and experience a hope like never before. In the same article mentioned above the authors express “Letting go is not easy and a person may not deserve forgiveness and may not even ask for it, but you should extend forgiveness because of what it will do for you. You may also need to forgive yourself.”

Walk in renewed freedom and hope today!

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