pressing through

Some Relationships are Worth Extra Effort~

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Do you hate conflict? I sure do!! I used to run from it for many years; never expressing myself, wanting to please and appease! But I have learned two things:

1.  It’s so important to address challenges/disagreements in relationships.

2.  It’s so important to be willing to be humble to “not be right” in order to maintain relationships that DO matter.

In my life I am clearly aware that I have friendships/relationships that I want to, well, last forever.  There are times, even in those key relationships, that there may be disagreements.  How do we navigate some of those challenges without losing the friendship? Well, I am still learning.

There are times when it’s important to set boundaries on toxic or untrustworthy relationships…but there are also times when we might want to walk away from a relationship where there has been a challenge and yet, we know in our hearts we want them in our life!

Questions we can ask ourselves in these instances are these:

1. Though there may be a conflict right now, would I be saddened to lose my relationship because of our present challenge?

2.  Could there be a bridge built in our relationship if I humble myself and try to understand the heart and season of my friend?

3. Can I extend grace and am I willing to move forward?

Relationships are so important, take care, wisdom, and a humble heart to navigate~~ but they are worth it!!!

Proverbs 17:17A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.

John 15:13“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

Help! Help! Help!

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This has been a relationally rich summer. Greg and I have had the joy to host clients, family, and friends in our home every other week since the first of June!  What a privilege to share our lives and to engage in “shoulder to shoulder” activities with them all.  These sweet times truly enrich our lives and I believe, theirs as well!!

Recently, one of our visitors swam farther than they were equipped to swim.  We were at a mountain lake and he  challenged himself to swim across the lake to an area where he could rest upon a floating dock. However, the ladder to the dock had fallen deep to the bottom of the lake. uh oh!  After trying unsuccessfully to climb up on the floating dock he decided to swim back to shore.  Halfway back his legs cramped and shut down having been affected by the cold water and fatigue!    At first he said, “I need help” which quickly turned to a cry!  “HELP!”…..”HELP!”……”HELP!”

It was surreal to see our friend truly struggling to survive. His plea for help became more and more emphatic….he was sinking and he knew it.   My husband heard the cries of his friend and he knew he needed to make every effort to help his friend survive!! Before he sank under the water, Greg jumped in, swam to his friend, held him above the water  leading him to safety.  After resting along the shore, our friend regained his strength and went on to have a wonderful day. Nevertheless, witnessing this experience shook us all up and left me with a clearer understanding about some real live truths. Our friend did nothing wrong, yet LIFE happened uexpectantly and he was wise enough to have not been alone!

We were never meant to “do life” alone.  We weren’t created to depend only on ourselves.  We have been designed to walk through this life in community and with accountability.  The scenario at the lake would have ended differently if our friend had been there alone! Fortunately, he had not made that unwise choice.  We all need to have people around us that want us to survive and thrive! People who will jump in and carry us if needed when we cry out for help!

When we withdraw and silo ourselves from the support and safety of wise counselors we can tend to gravitate toward treacherous waters….to stinking thinking, compromised choices, and unhealthy commitments.  To be protected from these things we need quality people in our lives who can recognize the “danger” and help us to stay on the safe shore.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 says  “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”

Proverbs 15:22 says “Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success.”

Proverbs 27:6 says The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”

Think about your life today.  Do you have people around you who want to see you stay above water?  Do you have those who are willing to help when you feel like you are drowning in the challenges of life?  If you do then you are richly blessed.  If you do not I sincerely encourage you to be committed to creating a circle of connection in the days ahead.   Just like our friend on the lake…..if you are alone in a crisis, you need to have support.  We were meant to do life together! 🙂

Navigating Transitions~

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Life transitions have a crazy way of causing some emotional imbalance–for almost all of us! Transitions, even happy ones, can be stressful and bring up some surprising mixed emotions.  These reactions can often time come as a surprise to us, causing us to feel especially sensitive for seemingly “no reason at all.” Moving to a new city, becoming a parent, selling the family home, transitioning from one job to another, marriage, or a personal loss can all create the opportunity for us to feel imbalanced for a while.

I graduated from my University, married, moved away from my family and friends to a new city, and became a mother within a 16 month period of time. Even though there was so much that was good and new –my equilibrium was off and I had to find a way to create a new normal for myself.  It was an emotional time.  My life since that time has had numerous changes and transitions. Each time it gets a little easier to understand how these transitions affects me and I work harder at being proactive during this time.  I am going to pass a few of these tips on to you!

1.  Transitions can shake your sense of IDENTITY.    It’s natural for us to define ourselves by the job we have, church we attend, neighborhood we live in, family we belong to, or financial status we have known.  When these kinds of elements get shaken up we have to find a new normal.  During this particular time, be gracious with yourself and others, remain consistent to keep your spiritual/self-care routines in place, and  surround yourself with life-giving people. These efforts will remind you that you are not defined by external titles or experiences.

2. A transition can be a wonderful opportunity for GROWTH.  Sometimes transitions give us an opportunity to see areas of ourselves that need attention. Fear, lack of faith, uncertainty, even anger have roots in us somewhere. Being keenly aware of ourselves in this season we can take a good look at these responses and begin to take some steps to address and challenge ourselves to grow. Transitions are a great time to begin new habits.

3. Keep reminding yourself WHY you chose this transition.  In my coaching I encourage my clients to assess their current situation and cast a clear vision for where they want to go.  Though this kind of thinking can take take time and consideration; the greater challenge is in the in-between…actually applying the steps that will make the transition complete.  Matthew Kelly in his book “Leading Through Change” says, “It is often said that people hate change, but that is not true.  People love change; they just don’t like the time of transition.”  If, during our transition we keep the end goal in sight, celebrate incremental changes along the way, and remind ourselves of the fruitfulness of our transition, we will navigate this time so much better.  However, I have also walked through seasons where I didn’t choose the transition, wouldn’t have asked for it, and didn’t understand it’s value at the time. Yet, in hindsight I have learned to find the value even in those tough situations. I call those moments “looking for the pony in the poop”.  There is always something to learn, nuggets of growth, even in un-chosen transition.

4.  Remember your past transitions and apply some of the skills you learned during that time.  No matter what our lives look like, we have all walked through transitions since we were children.  There are ways that we have responded, lessons we have learned, and maturity gained that, if we reflect on those times, can even give us keen insight to our present transition.  I love to journal for this reason in that it captures past responses in my life reminding me of tools and understanding gained during a previous transitional time.

5.  Don’t leave God out of the equation.  No one cares or knows us more than our heavenly Father.  Draw close to him in these time.  Sit still with Him; breath and wait.  Trust that He will see you through.

Transitions can be invigorating, uncertain, challenging, even terrifying for some.  Yet, we all face transitions.  May you find great success in the days ahead as you apply some of these small principles for great success.

                                                                          🙂

 

New Choices for 2014~

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As I arose early this morning on one of the last days of 2013 I began to ponder just how quickly this year had passed!   Seems like I just blinked and another year had gone by. Delving even deeper into my thoughts, I asked myself if I felt I had used this year; the time I was given, to the best of my ability?  Was I a good steward with my time and priorities?

My assessment of myself? Not 100% perfect! However, I felt satisfied with the priority I had chosen as my main focus throughout the year. People! I have tried very hard this year to stay connected with the precious people God has allowed me to know and love.  Family, friends, colleagues, co-workers, and new relationships.

As I perused through my 2013 calendar, looking through the tasks/appointments that I set for myself I am satisfied that I gave ample time to my key priority of valuing people. Certainly I’ve not been perfect, wishing still that I’d have had more time with some that I only connected with occasionally!  Staying and being connected with others in this way is cup-filling for me; I pray it has brought value to those I care for as well.

Now, here’s the balance~ did my focus on my main goal of valuing people impact other priorities in my life? My devotions, exercise, study time, and housekeeping…….well, sometimes it did.  Because of this, I recognize the need to balance my priorities better in 2014!  Just a little tweaking here and there to my calendar and Ideal Week would create time to spend with others while making sure I am still being keenly responsible to the other areas of my life that deserve my attention!

As you look over your past year, are you pleased at how you used your time? chose your priorities? navigated your responsibilities?  Like me, are there some areas you need to shore up to find greater success when you arrive on the doorstep of 2015 (which will come in a blink)?

Now is a great time to think about the year ahead! calendar those priorities, create an Ideal Week to assist you in committing to how you will use your time ( contact me if you’d like an Ideal Week document to use), and give yourself permission to make needed changes for greater satisfaction in 2014! The new year is yet untouched~ make it your best!

Happy New fantastic year! 🙂

Time to sail away from the shore~

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During the past week I came across a quote that caught my attention right away; I felt that it embodied how I feel about this season of life.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

As a young girl I don’t think I would have called myself brave or daring, rather I was most comfortable with things that were steady and safe.  Certainly I could get excited about the “idea” of taking big, bold action but in the end I would always stay safely on shore!

I believe that my fear of failure kept me on tasks and in situations that had fairly sure outcomes, no real risk or adventure involved. I never wanted to feel the weight of personal disappointment nor did I want to disappoint anyone. Thus, I did very little that was competitive in my early years.

In High School I branched out and joined the Swim Team; practicing hard to prepare for the swim meets on the weekends.  I remember one particular swim meet where I realized no one was in the lanes next to me and I felt a twinge of excitement that, perhaps, I was going to be the first one to the finish line. As I pulled to the edge of the pool with all the speed I could muster I popped my head out of the water to find that, actually, I was the last one in! That was my last swim meet.

Today, with years of hindsight under my belt, I fully recognize the value of taking risks, challenging myself, throwing off extreme cautions that choke my ability to dream, and giving myself permission to “fail forward.” Without being free to “sail away from the Harbor” I would never have had the life I have full of rich memories, opportunities, relationships, and fresh challenges!

Everyday I learn that life is short, mistakes only cause me to grow, challenges strengthen my resolve, and risk makes me depend more on God in every way. So, 20 years from now I don’t want a laundry list of things I should have done; wanted to do~yet feared exploring! Rather I would love to have a journal full of memories, experiences, and adventures to recall with satisfaction!

What about you? Playing it safe, hugging the shoreline? Perhaps today is your day to explore what it would look like to “catch the trade winds in your sails.”  Dream big! 🙂

Dr. Desiree Margo~~

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This past weekend my family had the pure joy of watching my amazing sister receive her Doctorate!  We are all so proud of her! At graduation we shouted, hooted, and clapped with all our might to show her how proud we are of her. Following the graduation we gave Dr. Desiree Margo gifts to further show how proud we are of her!

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However, the graduation ceremony was only a tiny reflection of the cost of earning this degree! The work, commitment, sleepless nights, numerous papers, and the dreaded dissertation required every ounce of energy she had.  While accomplishing this goal, Desiree also worked full time as a school principal of a thriving elementary school!

Why is this significant to me?  Attaining goals, especially big goals, requires commitment and sacrifice!  To move toward a fresh milestone in our lives we may have to assess our current commitments and allow ourselves to say “no” to some involvements for a season!

I am certain that late at night while working on her degree my sister must have wondered “what have I gotten myself into?”! Yet, the look on her face at graduation made it was easy to see that it had been worth the work to receive an honor given to only  1% of the population.

What about you? Are there goals you want to achieve but are afraid of the “cost”? Could focusing on this new goal (s) force you out of your comfort zone for a season? Whether attaining education, building a quality marriage, starting a business, getting healthy, writing a book, or any other goal that would be important to you; there will be adjustments needed.

Oh, but the JOY in accomplishing your goal will be so worth it! Once you begin; stay your course, dig deep, lean into your support systems, and celebrate every WIN!!

What milestone is ahead of you? No better day to get started than today! Thank you Dr. Margo for you inspiration. 🙂

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“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”  C. S. Lewis

” I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up!”

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I remember in High School I had a Gymnastics Physical Education class for 3 months.  I loved climbing on the Uneven Bars learning to flip and spin. I even loved learning the ends and outs of the Mat exercises. But the biggest challenge for me was that crazy Balanced Beam! Once I climbed up and looked the length of the beam I began to panic, followed by weaving back and forth.  More often than not, I fell.

The same could be said of our lives. It doesn’t take much to upset the balance of our days.  Saying yes to too many good things, not leaving time for self-care, spiritual connection, or caring relationships makes the “length if the beam” daunting.

What if~~instead of being so incredibly busy , saying yes to everything that comes our way (and feeling guilty if we don’t), we only said yes to those things we are passionate about?  What if we only said yes to the ones we feel the Lord has clearly put on our hearts, and confidently said no to the rest?  What if we earnestly sought the Lord and His direction for the plans we make for our days?

Certainly, there is the grocery shopping, laundry, houses to clean, children to love, spouses to care for, friends to connect with, occupations to excel in. However, I wonder if we add way more things to our plates than is actually required of us.

What if you were granted permission to say no to obligations that take your life out of balance? What if you had permission to “pencil yourself into your calendar” to ensure that you had time to re-group and recharge? What if……………..?

I tend to write on the subject of Life Balance quite often because I see so many wonderful people over-extended, tired, stressed, unhealthy, and fretful. These are great people with kind hearts who desire to be “team-players”. However, being off- balance as a life-style can take a toll on us.

The holidays are around the corner.  What do you need permission to say no to this year so that you can fully enjoy and embrace this wonderful season with peace, joy, enough time to celebrate with those you love?  You have permission. 🙂

Can You Fly?

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One day a man found a cocoon of a butterfly.   Soon a small opening appeared.  He sat & watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole.  Then it stopped, as if it couldn’t go any further.

The man decided to help the butterfly so he took a pair of scissors & snipped of the remaining bits of the cocoon. The butterfly emerged quite easily but it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch it, expecting that at any minute the wings would enlarge & expand enough to support the whole body, neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling.  It was NEVER able to fly.

The man in his kindness and haste did not understand:  The restricting cocoon and the struggle required by the butterfly to get through the opening was a way of forcing the fluid from the body into the wings.  By doing this the butterfly would be ready for flight!

You may have heard this story told over and over; but it’s good to hear it yet again! Character, patience, long-suffering; all the fruits of the Spirit are born out of challenge and adversity. Without those struggles, we wouldn’t grow or tap into our potential.

Certainly, a life without struggles sounds wonderful but we would not be “the best version of ourselves” without those struggles.

Today, you might be facing some real struggles and challenges. Let them make you strong!  Grow into a butterfly and FLY!!!

Galatians 5:22 says,

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness.”

Whatcha listening to?

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This past weekend I had the chance to enjoy a number of hours alone in my car on the way to a very special wedding.  I had my water, a few snacks, and my Ipod with my playlist with all the songs that keep me going when I get out and RUN!  Pop songs, songs with a good beat, fun songs!  None with a bad message but none with a powerful message either ~~just fun.

After a few hours I felt the desire to switch to some old CD’s ( imagine popping in a real CD!!) that I have enjoyed over the past few years~ Chicago, Josh Groban, etc. I sang like I was part of the band and reminisced fondly of “days gone by”.

When I popped in a CD of a sweet old singing group called “Point of Grace”, something different happened my heart. The effect of this music took me from listening with my head, to listening also with my heart!  It took me all of 3 minutes to go from dry-eyed to wiping a tear from my cheek when I heard the words:

“Over time you’ve healed so much in me and I am living proof, that although my darkest hour had come, your light could still shine through.

Though at times it’s just enough to cast a shadow on the wall, I am so grateful that you shine your light on me at all.

Who am I that you would love me so gently? Who am I that you would recognize my name?  Who am I that you would speak to me so softly? Conversations with the Lord most High…who am I?

Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now I’m found, was blind but now I see. The more I sing that sweet old song the more I understand that I do not comprehend this love that’s coming from your hand!

Who am I…….?

I was again reminded how music that speaks of the truth of who God is, His love, His power, His grace, gets you right down in your soul.  To be reminded again, that I matter to Him was priceless to me.

Though I do love my music with a crazy beat, I’m going to take more time to surround myself with songs that touch my soul, even make me cry ~because in doing so I am reminded of who I am and to whom I belong! I am so grateful.

Whatcha listening to? 🙂

“LIFE” happens to everyone

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As a young girl in a strict thinking church denomination I can remember hearing of the illnesses or challenges in the lives of people in our church.  Conversations involving these folks would inevitably be followed with questions like, “I wonder what God is teaching them”, “they must have sin in their life” or “satan is really attacking them.”    Now, It isn’t my place to say whether those statements had any truth in those situations, yet as I watched my life and the lives of so many others I am much more reticent to attach those thoughts to someones life challenge.

I have seen hurtful and unkind people soar, while kind, giving people face challenge.  I have seen careless people experience financial blessing while frugal friends have faced financial loss.  I have seen folks who have a passion to have a large family experience pregnancy disappointments while others who are irresponsible with the children they already have appear to have a seamless time having more children.  I have watched people who focus on their physical health; making good choices in both food and exercise, face cancer or heart disease while others without concern for their health live to be 99!

“LIFE” happens to everyone.

We all face challenges in this life~ we have all looked toward heaven in wonderment asking God “but Why Lord? “.  Those who would be honest might speak of feeling abandoned by God, over-looked somehow, or perhaps have even questioned whether God exists at all.

As I interact with so many precious people on a regular basis I hear heart wrenching stories of loss and challenge. I remember last year when my nephew was so brutally taken from us all…I spent weeks crying out to God and asking “Why?”.  However, I am learning more and more that God never promised that we would be untouched by the challenges in this life.  He never expressed that an unchallenged life is proof that we belong to Him, nor that a challenged life is proof of His abandonment.

I address this simply to set the “plumb line” straight again. The Word says we will face trials and challenges, we will not always be in favor with people, we have bodies that may not be in perfect health in this life….BUT…………..

John 16:33 says; “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

Romans 14 says ” Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. 15 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. ”

Hebrews 13:5 says ” I will never leave you OR forsake you.”

Just those few verses alert me to the fact that He knew our questions would come; He is not surprised when we don’t understand the challenges we are facing. Yet, I imagine in those times that His compassion is over-flowing on our behalf.

As I again reflect back on those questions that often overshadow our judgement of one another as we watch each other navigate perilous waters; let’s be grace filled and slow to judge the circumstances as a “sin issue” or a “teaching opportunity ” for God.

Because….as we all know….”LIFE” happens to everyone.

If today “LIFE” is happening to you~ then I wish you His strength and grace today.